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My MIL (mother-in-law) wants to manage our daughter's religion. My husband and I are Catholic. Both raised Catholic and raised both children Catholic. Kay is 20 years old, in college, great kid, ok grades, no sports and has turned to a Christian based group in college. States she does not want to be "Catholic". Kay will not rock the boat and tell MIL. Tells her what she wants to hear to aviod any conflict. I do understand this but wish my daughter was strong enough to tell her the truth.
This has started a MIL "tornado" as I call it. MIL doesn't corner my husband, only myself and Kay. Mostly only me.
We feel at this age she is growing, exploring and educating herself for life. Finding her way. MIL has given my husband and I books but continues to talk to me. HELP!
My MIL (mother-in-law) wants to manage our daughter's religion. My husband and I are Catholic. Both raised Catholic and raised both children Catholic. Kay is 20 years old, in college, great kid, ok grades, no sports and has turned to a Christian based group in college. States she does not want to be "Catholic". Kay will not rock the boat and tell MIL. Tell her what she wants to hear.
This has started a MIL "tornado" as I call it. MIL doesn't corner my husband, only myself and Kay.
We feel at this age she is growing, exploring and educating herself for life. Finding her way. MIL has given my husband and I books but continues to talk to me. HELP!
IMO, the best you can do for your daughter, (I have a daughter a bit older) is to encourage her to think for herself, weighing all of the evidence and coming to her own conclusions. Tell your MIL that you have enough faith in your daughter's intellect, as she should, to make the correct choice.
I am new to this. Amanzjohn, Thank you!
I have expressed to MIL how proud I am that she is practicing. Being a college student and so many other doors that she could be opening. I have expressed to MIL this is her choice growing into an adult. MIL has called upon an uncle and great aunt to talk to her. The winds are just getting started. Kay and I have a typical mother daughter relationship. Like water and oil. We are growing and working on our relationship. I need all the advise.
I am new to this. Amanzjohn, Thank you!
I have expressed to MIL how proud I am that she is practicing. Being a college student and so many other doors that she could be opening. I have expressed to MIL this is her choice growing into an adult. MIL has called upon an uncle and great aunt to talk to her. The winds are just getting started. Kay and I have a typical mother daughter relationship. Like water and oil. We are growing and working on our relationship. I need all the advise.
But, don't be surprised if she doesn't come to the conclusions you would like. But be supportive so long as she follows her convictions and is making the best logical and reasoned decisions she can. Trying to force her one way or another, whether it's you or your MIL, can be detrimental to your relationships.
Learned the hard way "rocking the boat". I have tons of water in my boat over the years. Need work on the convincing nodding and smile. Hard to be fake. Acting class maybe ??
I might not give all the details but I am honest with direct questions.
I have worked hard to repave our relationship as mother and daughter. I do not want to undo our progress. Kay was upset when she learned we (MIL and I) had talked. MIL couldn't wait to convey my thoughts. I knew what I said would be relaid back. Maybe not so soon. Thought I had a week or two. Kay asked me what I wanted. Even thou it is not my choice I am trying to be receptive to different opinions and ideas. Explained again to her that I am proud of her. That her Dad and I will support her. Nervous about Tornado force winds going Hurricane. Less is more. Maybe duck tape ?? Flip33, I need a great one liner with another subject to follow. "I have faith in Kay's intellect, she will make a mindful choice when the time comes.....Did you know she is trying out for the swim team?"
Last edited by 86RULES; 02-04-2013 at 07:29 PM..
Reason: grammar
It's not your responsibility to manage your daughter's relationship with her grandmother.
To your MIL I'd have a stock answer ready when she starts this line of conversation, something like: "I know you're upset about Kay's beliefs. But Kay is an adult. If you want to talk to her about it, be my guest. I am not your go-between." Repeat calmly as needed, but don't argue. "I'm not willing to have an argument about this. If you want to talk to her about it, be my guest." Kind, but firm.
It sounds like you're treating Kay with plenty of respect. You can tell Kay that you are not interested in getting involved in her relationship with your MIL, great-aunts, uncles, whatever, and that you've told them as much. But you're not going to be her go-between either. If she wants them to leave her alone about her beliefs, she needs to be the one to stand up for herself, or to say the topic is off limits.
IMO, the best you can do for your daughter, (I have a daughter a bit older) is to encourage her to think for herself, weighing all of the evidence and coming to her own conclusions. Tell your MIL that you have enough faith in your daughter's intellect, as she should, to make the correct choice.
I agree with Amaznjohn, though I can understand your daughters reluctance to "rock the boat' with Grandma...like father like daughter.
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