Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Then God got stiffed by the Universal Insurance Co when they said a year is really a day and his policy had already expired before the battle. The intergalactic lawyers (who were from a reptilian race that looked like serpents) argued it out for millions of years (real years).
Meanwhile God made Adam and Eve and blamed it all on them and made them responsible for the battle damage debt - calling it "Original Singe". God made up some cover story about a tree and forbidden fruit but Adam and Eve didn't know what he was talking about because they were a bit thick. He hadn't given them much of a pre-frontal cortex yet. God then told them to go 4th and multiply but they got confused because there were only two of them. They spent years figuring out what 3rd was before realizing that bumping uglies was 4th base. Cain and Abel were born but then Cain got jealous of the way Abel was going 4th and multiplying with their mom Eve all the time so killed him.
Many years (real years) passed and humans weren't making the correct payment installments of burnt goats and virgins to pay off God's Original Singe debt. Instead they were spending most of their time babelling about a 5th base. They called it "Babel on 5". God got jealous that he hadn't thought of it first and decided to cut his losses and wipe out everything in a big flood. The only people he saved were Noah, his wife Joan of Ark and their kids plus a bunch of animals including a pig called Ham. Ham kept trotting in to Noah's cabin looking for truffles to eat. Noah would get annoyed if this happened when he was naked because Ham thought Noah's wrinkly bits were truffles and would try to eat them. Noah cursed Ham a lot.
By the time the flood water had drained down the sewers to the underworld a year later (initially called Shi*hole, then shortened to Sheol), the Ark had been overrun with rats. When the Ark landed on a mountain top, all the rats jumped off the Ark so they called the mountain Mount Arrh! Rat!
Of course God had flood insurance so....
(Over to someone else...)
I am certain that Rifleman is ROFLHAO wherever he is!!! Thanks for assuming some of the mantle his posts represented, Jay!!
Does anyone know where and when this satan is a fallen angle business started? As a Jew, I want everyone here to be clear this isn't ours. We don't believe in fallen angels or satan. It's not in our Torah - and if you find those ideas in the Chrstian "Old Testament," well then that's just further proof the OT is a purely Chrstian document unrelated to Judaism.
The OP's question is alarming only in the fact I actually think they are asking it as a serious question.
Oh yes, it was serious. Many of these scenarios have come about since geologists discovered the planet's great age. It seems to ring as an element of the "gap theory."
I can't believe many Theists still take the "devil" literally. I'd be surprised if anyone on here does.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
