Random things poking fun at religion (America, churches, atheist, bible)

[NatesDude]

Im stuck in the spare bedroom with covid while the family is home in the evening. Fortunately I have a computer in there so I have been doing a LOT of surfing. One of the things I found was jokes about religion. I found them mostly spot on.

*Pascals Wager: It is safer to believe in God even if there is no proof one exists.
Homer Simpsons wager: Suppose we choose the wrong God. Every time we go to church we make God madder and madder.

*The only war on Christmas conducted in the US was by Christians. From 1659 to 1681 the Puritans outlawed Christmas


* The fact that we ended slavery shows that our morals come from within us and not from God.Many religions, including Judaism and Christianity, endorsed slavery. However we, the human race, decided slavery was immoral and ended it. No God or religion needed.

*How do you tell a real God from an invented one? Seriously.

*If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and no one remembered it, it would never be recreated the same way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all science were wiped out, humans would find a way to figure it all out again.

I have also heard the above worded, "if all religion disappeared without a trace, it would never be recreated in the scientific age. If all science was made to disappear, humans would rebuild it exactly as it is now because its just about how the universe works. "

[NatesDude]

This is from my own state, in our constitution.

* Sec 4. Religious tests. No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State. Nor shall anyone be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments , provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being.

In other words, there is no religious test, as long as you are religious

*The Flood. If at first you dont succeed, kill everyone

* Demand money with threats of violence and you will get arrested. Do it with the threat of eternal damnation, and its tax deductible

* Christian: Whats it like to be an atheist?
Atheist:"Do you believe in Thor or Vishnu ?
Christian: No!
Atheist: Its like that.

* American Christians have a phrase they use. You can be having a regular lucid conversation with them, and all of a sudden you will hear "Its Gods plan ". And that means "I'm done thinking".


* Name a scientific theory that was later replaced with a supernatural explanation. Go ahead and take your time. We will wait.

*Reason is the greatest enemy faith has

The above was actually on a church sign of the sort churches are always putting cute sayings on. In other words, thinking is harmful to faith. Just believe and dont think too hard about it. No doubt a fundamentalist church

The below is an actual Tweet from a Christian:

* My sister in law died in a fire. Her Bible was beside her bed on a stand. Not a burn mark on the Bible. Awesome. A miracle from God.

What the heck???

[NatesDude]

*Diseases eradicated or largely controlled

By science

1)Chicken pox
2)Diphtheria
3) Polio
4)Measles
5) smallpox
6) Pneumococcal disease
7) Pertussis
8)Tetanus
9) typhoid fever
10)yellow fever
11) rabies

By religion
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)


* I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me. If they hold thought to be dangerous, if they aver that doubt is a crime, then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men.

*With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things, and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

*Franklin Graham on

Bill Clinton: Mr Clintons extramarital sexual behavior now concerns him and the rest of the world. If he will lie to or mislead his wife and daughter, what will prevent him from doing the same to the American public?

Donald Trump: I think some of these things, that's for him and his wife to deal with, and I think the same with Stormy Daniels and so forth is nobody's business.

[phetaroi]

Originally Posted by NatesDude

*Diseases eradicated or largely controlled

By science

1)Chicken pox
2)Diphtheria
3) Polio
4)Measles
5) smallpox
6) Pneumococcal disease
7) Pertussis
8)Tetanus
9) typhoid fever
10)yellow fever
11) rabies

By religion
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

Such a simple truth.

[mordant]

Originally Posted by NatesDude

* My sister in law died in a fire. Her Bible was beside her bed on a stand. Not a burn mark on the Bible. Awesome. A miracle from God.

What the heck???

Hey, not everyone cares about their sister-in-law!

[NatesDude]

Originally Posted by mordant

Hey, not everyone cares about their sister-in-law!

LOL. Maybe so. Praise God Rosemary bit the dust!

I once was involved in a discussion with a theist on another now defunct religious forum. The guy posted a story about an airplane crash in which all aboard, some 167 people or so, died, except for an infant. He actually proposed it as proof that God does miracles today. God couldn't save the other 167 people, but It could save the infant that just happened to be strapped into a car seat that was itself strapped into the airplane seat and which put the infant below the level of the top of the seats all around it.

Fundamentalist minds simply function differently.

[NatesDude]

* God is omnipotent and knows everything. But the Jews had to mark their doors with lambs blood so God wouldn't accidentally kill the wrong babies


*Philosophy: Questions that may never be answered.
Religion: Answers that must never be questioned.

*In science you dont just get to cherry pick the parts that justify what you were going to do anyway. Thats religion. You are thinking of religion.


* Should schools teach atheism? No. There is no need to teach atheism. It is the natural result of education without indoctrination.

* True morality. Doing what is right without the threat of divine retribution nor the possibility of divine reward.

*If you can accept an explanation of a God without a creator, then you can accept an explanation of a universe without a creator.

[Cyno]

King David took a census, sorry 70,000 of you have to die, go complain to your King

[NatesDude]

* If the story of Noah was not part of the Bible, Christians would laugh at anyone who believed it. If the story of the 3 Little Pigs was in the Bible, Christians would believe it.

[phetaroi]

Originally Posted by NatesDude

* If the story of Noah was not part of the Bible, Christians would laugh at anyone who believed it. If the story of the 3 Little Pigs was in the Bible, Christians would believe it.

very nice