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Within the past decade my wife and I got married. Before we had the ceremony we discussed whether the longstanding traditional phrase "Do you promise to love, honor and obey your husband?"
For my wife it was a no-brainer; she wanted it in the ceremony. We both knew what that phrase meant to us then. And now just under a decade later we have a different view of that phrase, but would still keep it in, had we known then what we know now.
Women started balking publicly about this phrase during the women's lib movement. I've heard women and men say it's not fair for men to be "over" women in a marriage relationship. "I shouldn't have to obey my husband".
Obeying and honoring a husband is part of any godly relationship. But both parties have to be holding up their end of the agreement for this to work the way God intended. Men should not be jerks that tell their wives what to do, expect them to do it, and then treat the wife like garbage. Condescending attitudes from a husband? That isn't loving your wife. Oh, did I mention the husband's part? "To love your wife as Christ loved the church". Whoa guys, that's a hefty responsibility!
If we're loving our wives as Christ loved the church, then I bet the women in these relationships would have no problem honoring and obeying. (it comes down to respecting one another).
Many progressives and feminists (pretty much the same thing) will have a serious problem with this thought process.
Submitting and obey are sometimes misunderstood. It does not mean becoming a doormat. In marriage both are called to submit. For the wife it means willingly following her husbands leadership IN CHRIST. For the husband it means putting aside his own interest in order to care for his wife. Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and each is concerned for the happiness of the other.
Only if it is in there for the husbands as well. My ex, took obey literally. In todays age there are some men, that would love nothing more than to hold their woman hostage ( not literally) with the obey word. I know.
Within the past decade my wife and I got married. Before we had the ceremony we discussed whether the longstanding traditional phrase "Do you promise to love, honor and obey your husband?"
For my wife it was a no-brainer; she wanted it in the ceremony. We both knew what that phrase meant to us then. And now just under a decade later we have a different view of that phrase, but would still keep it in, had we known then what we know now.
Women started balking publicly about this phrase during the women's lib movement. I've heard women and men say it's not fair for men to be "over" women in a marriage relationship. "I shouldn't have to obey my husband".
Obeying and honoring a husband is part of any godly relationship. But both parties have to be holding up their end of the agreement for this to work the way God intended. Men should not be jerks that tell their wives what to do, expect them to do it, and then treat the wife like garbage. Condescending attitudes from a husband? That isn't loving your wife. Oh, did I mention the husband's part? "To love your wife as Christ loved the church". Whoa guys, that's a hefty responsibility!
If we're loving our wives as Christ loved the church, then I bet the women in these relationships would have no problem honoring and obeying. (it comes down to respecting one another).
Many progressives and feminists (pretty much the same thing) will have a serious problem with this thought process.
It's an old, archaic idea who's time has passed.
Nobody should obey anybody in a marriage, period. In fact, it's probably the root cause of divorce in a sizable percentage of marriages. One party expecting the other to obey.
In my experience, many women want to be controlled (though, not to an extreme). I've found this pretty frustrating at times because I'm not controlling, at all.
I don't see the idea as archaic. Many of these so-called archaic ideas found their roots somewhere in human nature.
"Nobody should obey anybody in a marriage, period. In fact, it's probably the root cause of divorce in a sizable percentage of marriages. One party expecting the other to obey."
I agree with YapCity's view.
I never heard of that obeying thing when getting married, as ontheroad says. Maybe because I'm too young? Or because I married in Las Vegas? Maybe such a vow is only for Christian weddings.
To me it reeks of slavery and old-fashion rules. I go not by obedience but mutual respect and it works wonderfully.
Submitting and obey are sometimes misunderstood. It does not mean becoming a doormat. In marriage both are called to submit. For the wife it means willingly following her husbands leadership IN CHRIST. For the husband it means putting aside his own interest in order to care for his wife. Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and each is concerned for the happiness of the other.
Excellent post Hoosier! I so agree!
I think if one is truly a Christian and believes the Bible's teachings then they will not have a problem with this teaching cause they know where it comes from! And like Hoosier said men certainly arn't without responsibility! They have a HUGE responsibility to love and care for their families and if that responsibility is abused in any way than all bets are out the window! Women need to honor and obey their husbands ONLY IF their husbands do their part. Neither party is perfect but men and women both need to do their part.
A marriage is a three way circle; man, woman and God With God being at the head.
"A marriage is a three way circle; man, woman and God With God being at the head."
So the "obey" part of the wife-husband relationship is indeed obviously only for Christians. I'm glad nobody has to obey nobody in my marriage.
But what I'm truly happy for is that in my marriage as in my home and my life there are only two people: Husband and Wife. "God" and "Bible" can have their own marriages if they please, but I don't want them messing with my union.
No "three way circles" in my world. I don't believe in threesomes or polygamy.
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Maybe such a vow is only for Christian weddings. 
