Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For me, the bottom line is consent. If an arranged marriage takes into consideration the wishes of the persons being arranged and does not go ahead unless both parties are willing, then I have no problem with it.
The more there is a degree of pushing or coercion, the more of a problem I have with it.
To sum up - arranged marriage, yes; forced marriage, no.
I completely agree with your position. In fact if my parents and Sharon Stone's parents got together and suggested that we should get married and Sharon agreed I'd be dressed in a suit and headed to the alter so fast it would make your head swim.
That's really my whole point in this thread, from my understanding they don't ask the young couple for permission to set up this marriage, the parents just do it because it's part of their culture. You can't take two people and decide they're going to fall in love. Love doesn't work that way.
What is love? Is it so abstract or is it rather pragmatic? I contend that we think of as 'love' is simply part of our evolutionary desire to be monogomous. It's the contention of most anthropologists that part of the reason that humans still walk the planet was their continued ability to become monogamous. If that's what a pre-arranged marriage can give you, then they can work just the same. I think that considering the divorce rate in non pre-arranged marriages in the U.S., it's hard to argue that our culture's way of doing something is BETTER than another's. We're not doing so well with it, afterall. Is there a chance that many parents might actually do a better job of it? Regardless of the answer (I won't be taking sides), I think you've concocted an opinion about what love is and what marriage is to you, but placed that on others -- not sure you can do that.
I've know a couple of people who married the person their parents arranged for them to meet and (hopefully) marry. None of them were forced and, in fact, one woman was totally against the idea of her family being involved in the selection of her mate. She even moved far away from them because she wanted new things and excitement but then, on a visit back home, she spent time with the guy and they fell in love on their own and eventually married anyway. But instead of moving back to be with him she brought him to live with her!
I think that considering the divorce rate in non pre-arranged marriages in the U.S., it's hard to argue that our culture's way of doing something is BETTER than another's. We're not doing so well with it, afterall. Is there a chance that many parents might actually do a better job of it? Regardless of the answer (I won't be taking sides), I think you've concocted an opinion about what love is and what marriage is to you, but placed that on others -- not sure you can do that.
There's alot of factors that need to be considered although you do make some very good points. I suspect that in many other cultures that getting a divorce might cause a great deal of turmoil and if one partner or the other was unhappy in an arranged marriage they might just choose to live with it because a divorce might not be socially acceptable. I had an aunt who was married five times and after divorcing number four she went back and married the first one again and this was many years ago when America was a much more traditional and conservative nation. I don't think you'd see something like that happen in cultures in which marriages are arranged.
My main reason for starting this thread is because I strongly support women's rights and I think their personal needs and desires are important and because marriage is one of the most important choices that an individual can make in their life I think it should be her choice and no one else's. I admit to a certain amount of ignorance on the subject because as I stated earlier I don't even know a single couple whose marriage was arranged by the parents. What I'm saying is that the pairing of a couple as though it's a business arrangement doesn't seem right unless the couple is also giving their consent and not being pressured into something they really don't want.
If there is no consent it's something of a gamble and I think the odds don't favor a young couple who's going to fall in love and be happy. If I look back at women I've gotten to know pretty well in my life such as coworkers I can tell you that there are very few that I could ever have fallen in love with. In fact I can think of a number of them who if I was forced to marry I would rather take a shotgun blast in the skull than go through with it. That certain mutual attraction and chemistry have to be there or it's never going to result in love.
Having known what it feels like to experience attraction to a woman and to not be attracted to another, I find the idea of arrangement to be oppressive and repulsive. Talk about a recipe to be unfaithful!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
