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As one of the forum's "old-timers" (Wow! I'm getting up in age!), most on here know that I'm both a God-fearing Christian as well as a homosexual, which probably sounds like an oxy-moron to most of you, who likely can't understand how someone can claim to love and believe in a supreme entity when he disobeys and angers him on a day-to-day basis due to his alternative sexual orientation. (Phew! What a run-on sentence I just created! LOL!)
I suppose I've just hit a crossroads in my life where I'm tired of playing the "gay game" and want to somehow restructure my life to become closer to God and to live by his commands as a faithful servant. I'm encouraged by Hoosier_Guy, who is a self-admitted former homosexual-turned-heterosexual, but I'm not having his similar successes in supressing my supposedly sinful and selfish desires to be with someone of the same gender. My parents took me to see a therapist when I "came out," as they figured homosexuality was a mental illness that could be cured. When the therapist told them that there was nothing wrong with me, they never permitted me to see her again. I've tried prayer, but that hasn't helped. I've tried abstaining from any form of intimate contact with others, but after two-and-a-half years of living in solitude, I've become so lonely that I often cry myself to sleep. I've heard about supposed "enlightenment camps" that are designed to heal this mental illness through weeks of intense treatment, but they all seem to be concentrated in the South (PA is apparently too liberal to permit one to locate within its boundaries). I attempted suicide during my senior year of high school, unable to deal with feeling like a mutant any longer. What am I supposed to do to "turn myself straight?" I don't want to hear you people say "pray", "repent", etc. either because that has done diddley-squat thus far to help curb my destructive lifestyle.
Now that I'm mourning the deaths of two friends on the same day and just learned two of my relatives have cancer, my own mortality is fresh in my mind. For all I know I could be commuting home from work at rush-hour tomorrow on the freeway and be creamed by an out-of-control tractor-trailer! If I were to die in my current state, I'd be destined to hell, as indicated by both the Bible and the common mindset in our nation. What am I supposed to do to save my soul?
Trust me, "turning straight" would be the best thing that could ever happen to me in life! As an aspiring mayor in a morally-conservative city, my alternative sexual orientation would most certainly come back to bite me in the derriere come election time when my rivals campaign upon "family values" that I'll apparently have none of. If it were up to me, I'd marry a wonderful wife, give birth to three children to continue the family bloodline, and live happily ever after in the city of my dreams, which I'd work incessantly to improve while in political office. My future career aspirations as a corporate entrepreneur would likewise be hampered if potential clients learned I was "one of them," and my downtown business venture could ultimately become a failure as a result.
All I know for sure is that this sexual orientation is seemingly inate and biological in nature to me. I never woke up one day and "chose" to be gay, just like none of you arose one morning and "chose" to be straight. It just felt natural to you, as it did for me. I'm through with crying myself to sleep out of guilt for feeling like I'm a miscreant. What say you, City-Data? Should I try to convert myself at any and all costs in order to appease our Lord, or should I continue on a crash-course with eternal damnation and brimstone? I'm just so confused right now. I mean I could run out right now and land myself a girlfriend (they lined right up for me until they learned I was gay), but would it really be fair for her to be in a loveless relationship devoid of intimacy just so I could reproduce and save my own soul? Why should I destine her for a loveless life just because I was afraid to accept my fate in hell?
I'm so confused right now! I've been flipping back-and-forth between FoxNEWS and CNN too much lately! Please help me!!!
Scrantonwilkesbarre, be true to yourself. Be proud of who you are. Be the best person you can be every day. Love who your heart chooses.
Love yourself and trust your instincts. Don't lose sleep over what other people will think- if they won't accept you as you are, you don't need them in your life. If your hometown is so unaccepting that you fear being "found out" maybe it's time to move.
You sound like an intelligent, sensitive person. These are traits that many people lack. You have a lot going for you............ the GOD that I worship would never exclude anyone from Heaven for loving the "wrong" person no matter what sex they are.
I hope someday soon you will be able to take your feelings of today and use them to help other people who stand where you are today. Hopefully in a way that teaches them that being anyone other than who you truly are is the greatest sin of all.
As one of the forum's "old-timers" (Wow! I'm getting up in age!), most on here know that I'm both a God-fearing Christian as well as a homosexual, which probably sounds like an oxy-moron to most of you, who likely can't understand how someone can claim to love and believe in a supreme entity when he disobeys and angers him on a day-to-day basis due to his alternative sexual orientation. (Phew! What a run-on sentence I just created! LOL!)
I suppose I've just hit a crossroads in my life where I'm tired of playing the "gay game" and want to somehow restructure my life to become closer to God and to live by his commands as a faithful servant. I'm encouraged by Hoosier_Guy, who is a self-admitted former homosexual-turned-heterosexual, but I'm not having his similar successes in supressing my supposedly sinful and selfish desires to be with someone of the same gender. My parents took me to see a therapist when I "came out," as they figured homosexuality was a mental illness that could be cured. When the therapist told them that there was nothing wrong with me, they never permitted me to see her again. I've tried prayer, but that hasn't helped. I've tried abstaining from any form of intimate contact with others, but after two-and-a-half years of living in solitude, I've become so lonely that I often cry myself to sleep. I've heard about supposed "enlightenment camps" that are designed to heal this mental illness through weeks of intense treatment, but they all seem to be concentrated in the South (PA is apparently too liberal to permit one to locate within its boundaries). I attempted suicide during my senior year of high school, unable to deal with feeling like a mutant any longer. What am I supposed to do to "turn myself straight?" I don't want to hear you people say "pray", "repent", etc. either because that has done diddley-squat thus far to help curb my destructive lifestyle.
Now that I'm mourning the deaths of two friends on the same day and just learned two of my relatives have cancer, my own mortality is fresh in my mind. For all I know I could be commuting home from work at rush-hour tomorrow on the freeway and be creamed by an out-of-control tractor-trailer! If I were to die in my current state, I'd be destined to hell, as indicated by both the Bible and the common mindset in our nation. What am I supposed to do to save my soul?
Trust me, "turning straight" would be the best thing that could ever happen to me in life! As an aspiring mayor in a morally-conservative city, my alternative sexual orientation would most certainly come back to bite me in the derriere come election time when my rivals campaign upon "family values" that I'll apparently have none of. If it were up to me, I'd marry a wonderful wife, give birth to three children to continue the family bloodline, and live happily ever after in the city of my dreams, which I'd work incessantly to improve while in political office. My future career aspirations as a corporate entrepreneur would likewise be hampered if potential clients learned I was "one of them," and my downtown business venture could ultimately become a failure as a result.
All I know for sure is that this sexual orientation is seemingly inate and biological in nature to me. I never woke up one day and "chose" to be gay, just like none of you arose one morning and "chose" to be straight. It just felt natural to you, as it did for me. I'm through with crying myself to sleep out of guilt for feeling like I'm a miscreant. What say you, City-Data? Should I try to convert myself at any and all costs in order to appease our Lord, or should I continue on a crash-course with eternal damnation and brimstone? I'm just so confused right now. I mean I could run out right now and land myself a girlfriend (they lined right up for me until they learned I was gay), but would it really be fair for her to be in a loveless relationship devoid of intimacy just so I could reproduce and save my own soul? Why should I destine her for a loveless life just because I was afraid to accept my fate in hell?
I'm so confused right now! I've been flipping back-and-forth between FoxNEWS and CNN too much lately! Please help me!!!
What makes you think you could not love a female
Love and attraction are mutually exclusive things at times
I love my dance partner but I am not attracted to him
I am attracted to the guy who plays Eric on CSI Miami but I don't love him
Some women could actually care less about sex anyway
I don't know if I would post anything else I would want to say (not derogatory) in this forum as it may not be my buasiness to ask or reply in such a way
Location: Comunistafornia, and working to get out ASAP!
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SWB, I really feel a turning point here with you, and that's good
I was a dreadful person (be nice everyone don't say you still are ) Anyway, I hated, yes, hated Christians! I knew my life was out of control, and that I was all screwed up.
One of the things that always stuck with me, after God saved me, were the Bible verses that had been spoken to me over the years. God's word is powerful you know. I was going the opposite direction from God until the day He came to me. I've never been the same since.
I believe God is big enough to handle saving people. However, He does use and press some of His servants into action on the front lines.
Reading your Bible is a great start don't stop. Admitting you have sin is a start, admitting homosexuality is wrong is a great start as well. Maybe stop fighting with God about it. God does not want compromise--one foot in one foot out. He's looking for all out commitment 100%
If you love God He knows it.
If you will turn your back on homosexuality He will see it.
If you determine to get on His side for good He will reward you.
There are times we all struggle with sin. Some like to drink.... some are in an adultress relationships.... some have an obsession with shopping or eating... some have an obsession with pronography.... I heard a sermon from a pastor that I admired for his knowledge of the bible and compassionate heart. He said that if you want to know if you are a Christian or not.. read 1 John. Pray about it... meditate on it.... read all commentary on it, for 30 days. Keep a journal... if you can say, after the 30 days that you are a Christian, you always were.
All things are possible thru Christ... I know this sounds like a cliche, but that is not how it is meant. Pray specific prayer that our heavenly father would take the desire away. As with any sin, it takes constant prayer. When you find your mind drifting back to lust of the flesh: (Ro 8:5 - Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.) Think on things that are Godly.. Do something good for someone. Find someone to help.
Get into a relationship. Why would you spend your time lonely, longing for a relationship when you said that the girls were lining up to date you? Have you decided that nothing more than a homosexual relationship would do? Find a Christian mentor.. someone who can come along side of you and guide you thru this.
I am truly sorry for your loss... and the sickness in your life. I know that this starts you thinking about death and your spiritual health.
I am so sorry that this is such a struggle for you. I will be praying for you and I will add you to the prayer list on this message board. If I can be any encouragement to you, please don't hesitate to PM me.
Just remember... God allows struggles in our lives to bring us into a close loving relationship with Him.
Love and attraction are mutually exclusive things at times
I love my dance partner but I am not attracted to him
I am attracted to the guy who plays Eric on CSI Miami but I don't love him
Some women could actually care less about sex anyway
I don't know if I would post anything else I would want to say (not derogatory) in this forum as it may not be my buasiness to ask or reply in such a way
I do wish you the best
You've raised some interesting points. I do have a very close best female friend, Meg, and we've grown so close that people call us "Will and Grace." She recently relocated to Cincinnati for an internship with General Electric, and I have been feeling at a loss ever since. However, I'm certain that I only love her as a friend, not as a romantic interest. I actually just got off the phone with her about an hour ago, and it felt great to hear her voice on the other end of the line. However, I feel the same way when I chat with heterosexual male friends who I haven't spoken to in a long time and do not have a romantic interest in. Sometimes the bonds we form with our friends can be even stronger than the bonds we form with our significant others.
As far as loving someone yet not being attracted to them, I think for purposes of procreation you need to have a physical attraction to them. From Cindy Margalis to Halle Berry to Cindy Crawford, I just don't find myself attracted to any female. Why? I have no idea. While out on a photo tour today I walked by a guy about my age who was shirtless, fit, and working in a yard and smiled at me as I walked by him---the butterflies in my stomach nearly lifted me off of my feet! If that were a woman in a bikini with a six-pack, tan, and bombshell upper chest area, I probably would have just walked by her as I would any other stranger.
If one of you could create a drug called "Not Bengay" or "BenStraight," to help cure me of this, I'd be ever so appreciative! Smokers have patches and gums to help them quit. Alcoholics have support groups and resources to help them quit. Why aren't their resources available to help gays quit (at least not available in most U.S. cities?) If the U.S. has reached an overall consensus that homosexual people are living life in defiance of God, then why do they choose to simply ridicule and judge us instead of trying to help us to get the treatment we need to save ourselves? "What would Jesus do?"
You've one life to live, go out and live it. I'm sure God doesn't want us dwelling on Hell. Don't rape, Don't cheat, Don't steal, Don't murder. If you live a good life I'm sure God will 'forgive' you, though I don't see anything to forgive in the first place.
God loves his children. Choosing who you love shouldn't make you any less loved by him/her/it what have you. There wouldn't be so many examples of homosexuality in nature if it were an unnatural thing, and the bible's open to interpretation.
Nothing is sadder to me than someone unhappy with themselves and being around those who've been in the loveless relationships you describe, well it's not pleasant for either involved. Learn to love yourself as you are. I don't think God wants you to change.
You've one life to live, go out and live it. I'm sure God doesn't want us dwelling on Hell. Don't rape, Don't cheat, Don't steal, Don't murder. If you live a good life I'm sure God will 'forgive' you, though I don't see anything to forgive in the first place.
God loves his children. Choosing who you love shouldn't make you any less loved by him/her/it what have you. There wouldn't be so many examples of homosexuality in nature if it were an unnatural thing, and the bible's open to interpretation.
Nothing is sadder to me than someone unhappy with themselves and being around those who've been in the loveless relationships you describe, well it's not pleasant for either involved. Learn to love yourself as you are. I don't think God wants you to change.
I think that ScrantonWilkesBarre is talking about the God of the bible... The god that you are talking about is not the God of the bible.
SWB, I really feel a turning point here with you, and that's good
I was a dreadful person (be nice everyone don't say you still are ) Anyway, I hated, yes, hated Christians! I knew my life was out of control, and that I was all screwed up.
One of the things that always stuck with me, after God saved me, were the Bible verses that had been spoken to me over the years. God's word is powerful you know. I was going the opposite direction from God until the day He came to me. I've never been the same since.
I believe God is big enough to handle saving people. However, He does use and press some of His servants into action on the front lines.
Reading your Bible is a great start don't stop. Admitting you have sin is a start, admitting homosexuality is wrong is a great start as well. Maybe stop fighting with God about it. God does not want compromise--one foot in one foot out. He's looking for all out commitment 100%
If you love God He knows it.
If you will turn your back on homosexuality He will see it.
If you determine to get on His side for good He will reward you.
Take heart friend
Thanks for the words of encouragement. Unlike you I grew up in a morally-conservative Protestant Christian household in the suburbs, and I've always felt pressured to live up to the expectations of my family, my friends, my community, and, most importantly, my spirituality. Until accepting my current position with Lowe's Home Improvement (which requires that I work Sunday mornings), I'd attend church on a weekly basis, volunteer to help keep the facility clean, participate in our youth group, etc. It was a rewarding experience to feel like I was truly making a difference in people's lives---a feeling I no longer have within me (perhaps a career change is in order?)
I know a lot of the people on the Religion sub-forum have a history of being a little brash with their comments and beliefs in the past, and I'd just like to thank you all for keeping thus discussion civil (thus far). I don't expect any "atta boys" and can accept criticisms, but it's nice to hear words of encouragement as opposed to words of belittling. Thank you all!
It's times like these that I wonder how people like the former Rev. Ted Haggard can attend a camp and be "cured" of his homosexual tendencies in just weeks while I've been praying and stressing for years to no avail. Am I just not trying dilligently enough, or is he just "faking" it?
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I've heard about supposed "enlightenment camps" that are designed to heal this mental illness through weeks of intense treatment, but they all seem to be concentrated in the South (PA is apparently too liberal to permit one to locate within its boundaries). I attempted suicide during my senior year of high school, unable to deal with feeling like a mutant any longer. What am I supposed to do to "turn myself straight?" I don't want to hear you people say "pray", "repent", etc. either because that has done diddley-squat thus far to help curb my destructive lifestyle. 
If I were to die in my current state, I'd be destined to hell, as indicated by both the Bible and the common mindset in our nation. What am I supposed to do to save my soul? 
My future career aspirations as a corporate entrepreneur would likewise be hampered if potential clients learned I was "one of them," and my downtown business venture could ultimately become a failure as a result. 
