Seniors: Have You Changed Your Opinion About Human Nature Over the Years? (long-term, betray)
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Just wondering if people have changed their opinion of human nature over the course of their lifetimes. I definitely have.
I started out very trusting and naive and was a little slow to come to terms with "reality." (At age 40ish, I was traumatized to find out "It's always something," as my dad used to say). I had this very childish fairytale inspired view of life - that it would constantly get better and better and that any "problems" (which had been pretty minor up until that point), would simply disappear with the passing of time.
I have had some shocking wake-up calls in the past twenty-plus years.
I remember around 10 year's ago, in a sales training class, this woman turned to the group and said, "Don't trust anyone." I thought she was being ridiculously melodramatic - but I have thought about that phrase many times in the last few months and now tend to agree that is good advice, where before I thought it was over-the-top and almost hysterical in nature.
I also don't "believe" in monogamy at all anymore . . . I never thought the practical aspects of the subject before - just bought into the cultural prescriptions, but I have seen so much betrayal . . . it almost seems common. I doubt if there are any long-term couples who have been completely faithful to each other by choice. I just don't believe it anymore and if there are, I would be very surprised (I am idealistic enough to mildly hold out some vague hope that I am wrong on this point).
I guess you can call it cynicism that comes with age - I have just seen too much, have heard too many stories, have learned secrets about people that are just mind-boggling.
The "secrets" issue is huge - I think most people have them - and defend against them (therefore maintaining them in the process).
I wonder how many men have "illegitimate" children - I formerly thought this was a rare phenomenon, but now I am wondering if it is not the norm . . . or at least in very high percentages.
But getting back to the OP: Has your thinking and beliefs about human nature changed over the years? Please discuss.
Just wondering if people have changed their opinion of human nature over the course of their lifetimes. I definitely have.
I started out very trusting and naive and was a little slow to come to terms with "reality." (At age 40ish, I was traumatized to find out "It's always something," as my dad used to say). I had this very childish fairytale inspired view of life - that it would constantly get better and better and that any "problems" (which had been pretty minor up until that point), would simply disappear with the passing of time.
I have had some shocking wake-up calls in the past twenty-plus years.
I remember around 10 year's ago, in a sales training class, this woman turned to the group and said, "Don't trust anyone." I thought she was being ridiculously melodramatic - but I have thought about that phrase many times in the last few months and now tend to agree that is good advice, where before I thought it was over-the-top and almost hysterical in nature.
I also don't "believe" in monogamy at all anymore . . . I never thought the practical aspects of the subject before - just bought into the cultural prescriptions, but I have seen so much betrayal . . . it almost seems common. I doubt if there are any long-term couples who have been completely faithful to each other by choice. I just don't believe it anymore and if there are, I would be very surprised (I am idealistic enough to mildly hold out some vague hope that I am wrong on this point).
I guess you can call it cynicism that comes with age - I have just seen too much, have heard too many stories, have learned secrets about people that are just mind-boggling.
The "secrets" issue is huge - I think most people have them - and defend against them (therefore maintaining them in the process).
I wonder how many men have "illegitimate" children - I formerly thought this was a rare phenomenon, but now I am wondering if it is not the norm . . . or at least in very high percentages.
But getting back to the OP: Has your thinking and beliefs about human nature changed over the years? Please discuss.
My notion about human nature I learned in Kindergarten and it has pretty much remained the same. Some learn and practice, some learn and forget and unfortunately some never were taught.
IMCURIOUS - It's really sad that your life experiences have left you so bitter. I suppose there are and will always be those that disappoint us but over all I have found people I have come in contact with to be kind and generous with a few exceptions. Part of my problem when younger was having high expectations. As soon as I lowered my expectations I was never disappointed and pleasantly surprized by some.
IMCURIOUS - It's really sad that your life experiences have left you so bitter. I suppose there are and will always be those that disappoint us but over all I have found people I have come in contact with to be kind and generous with a few exceptions. Part of my problem when younger was having high expectations. As soon as I lowered my expectations I was never disappointed and pleasantly surprized by some.
I'm not bitter, just jaded. There is a difference. I asked if your views had changed - not a judgment on mine. Lowering expectations is one thing, but have your views of people CHANGED is the question.
Absolutely! I suppose that means I've learned from my life experiences. I am greatly disappointed and appalled by the actions of humans as cruelty, selfishness, and lack of empathy is so evident. As one of my friend's said "no good deed goes unpunished" - meaning that so often when you try to help people, they end up hating you for it probably out of envy for the power/money it represents. Bitter, jaded, no - just realistic in my perceptions.
Yes, my views have changed over time and with experience. Although, when thinking about it, my views really came full circle. As a child I was raised in very abusive situations. I had learned early on to rely upon myself. Friendships never really solidified as I was moved from home to home and family to family. I was picked on a lot at school and in the homes. I did not really like humans.
As a young adult I got married to a man I really loved and who loved me in return. He was kind, generous and very intelligent. We were very happy together. My late husband and I were professionals with good careers. We had a lot of friends who were also upwardly mobile. We were always willing to lend a hand to anyone in need. We had our first child. I had revised my thinking about humans. I thought they could be likable and I put a lot of effort and time into my relationships.
And then the accident happened that killed my family. I was the only survivor. I was very injured and barely survived. I had to relearn everything. My career was finished. My friends didn't bother to come visit me in the hospital. I never heard from them again. The lawyer that was assigned to my case was not the most honest. I'm not sure he was very intelligent either. He did things that were harmful to me and most of the money awarded was taken by him. I was not able to understand any of this at the time it was happening.
I had to start over. It has been years but I notice that I've never gotten to a point where I like humans again. Friendships remain very shallow. They come and go. I've learned to be empathetic but to keep my distance. This seems to be the attitude I had as a child.
At times I wonder if it is my attitude and distance that perpetuates my thoughts and the outcome of my interpersonal relationships. I wonder if all of this was set in motion from my childhood experiences. But, at this point in my life I am content with the way things are. I know I am sewing loneliness in my future and I worry about that. On the other hand, when I am in need, I don't believe any of the friends would be there anyway based upon prior experience. Maybe I am realistic.
Yes, my views have changed over time and with experience. Although, when thinking about it, my views really came full circle. As a child I was raised in very abusive situations. I had learned early on to rely upon myself. Friendships never really solidified as I was moved from home to home and family to family. I was picked on a lot at school and in the homes. I did not really like humans.
As a young adult I got married to a man I really loved and who loved me in return. He was kind, generous and very intelligent. We were very happy together. My late husband and I were professionals with good careers. We had a lot of friends who were also upwardly mobile. We were always willing to lend a hand to anyone in need. We had our first child. I had revised my thinking about humans. I thought they could be likable and I put a lot of effort and time into my relationships.
And then the accident happened that killed my family. I was the only survivor. I was very injured and barely survived. I had to relearn everything. My career was finished. My friends didn't bother to come visit me in the hospital. I never heard from them again. The lawyer that was assigned to my case was not the most honest. I'm not sure he was very intelligent either. He did things that were harmful to me and most of the money awarded was taken by him. I was not able to understand any of this at the time it was happening.
I had to start over. It has been years but I notice that I've never gotten to a point where I like humans again. Friendships remain very shallow. They come and go. I've learned to be empathetic but to keep my distance. This seems to be the attitude I had as a child.
At times I wonder if it is my attitude and distance that perpetuates my thoughts and the outcome of my interpersonal relationships. I wonder if all of this was set in motion from my childhood experiences. But, at this point in my life I am content with the way things are. I know I am sewing loneliness in my future and I worry about that. On the other hand, when I am in need, I don't believe any of the friends would be there anyway based upon prior experience. Maybe I am realistic.
I am so sorry for your tragic losses and disappointments when you were vulnerable. I cannot even imagine.
Interesting about the "full circle" in terms of your thinking.
Mine was initially hopeful and naive - and I had to wake up to a much different "reality."
I have always known that humans are sinners and observed very early on in school similar types seem to hangout together and its wise to pick your friends and associates carefully.As to secrets I really am not interested in them if they do not involve me and especially tales that get skewed each time rumor mongers pass them on.
Wisdom comes with age and experience to some people.
You can't learn wisdom nor can you buy wisdom.
Fixed that. So many people never do gain any wisdom.
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