Now that you are both home, do you find you spouse telling you what to do all the time? (physically, chores)
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My BH is an incredible back seat driver.
I guess I must be deaf, dumb and blind.
At home I'm always hearing ' turn the light out' AND I haven't left the bathroom yet.
Does your spouse?
DH needs structure and schedules. I detest structure and schedules. He's always saying, "Did you put ______ on your to-do list?" and wanting to write things on the calendar. My to-do list is nonexistent, but I'll scribble something down on the nearest paper. I have gotten better at putting things on the calendar if they involve both of us or use of our shared car.
He's partly disabled, so sometimes he needs me to do things for him. I do get tired of opening and shutting windows on his schedule.
And yes, he tends toward micro-management, which drives me crazy - whether from a boss at work or a husband at home. We have been married nine years (I have been at home for seven of those) and he has gotten better in some ways - whether he trusts me more to get the important stuff done or whether he has given up, I'm not sure.
My husband plans to retire in about a year or so. Right now, he works at home which has its advantages---and disadvantages. I rarely get the house to myself. However, I tell myself it's preparing me for retirement life Although, my hope is that we sell the house and downsize to a walkable community. I already let him know that when that happens, I'm going to have us both out taking walks, weather permitting.
Wow, Ani, you said he was controlling but this is ( maybe was?) over the top!
I remember your saying his was a controlling personality that he'd used for years in his corporate leadership positions, and he unleashed it there at home after illness forced him to retire- not that knowing where it comes from makes it better for you. It sounds like you told him basically to "put a sock in it, buddy"! Is he anywhere close to getting the idea yet, or has he backed off at least somewhat, yet?
I also had to LOLOL at your comments about your husband not knowing that lights have off switches- I totally identify, but my husband doesn't know that TVs ( or remotes) have off switches either. Funny he knows all about the other buttons on the remote because he uses those to flip, flip, flip from one channel to the other, that and watching everything he's got on through the semi-transparent channel line-up all the time ( Century Link)...
I'm rooting for you! Hope he'll get the message that you're not a Stepford Wife!
I don't know how soon he is going to get the message.
I made his dinner for him around lunch time (1 pm, after he had eaten some soup for lunch) - a chicken casserole. I told him I was eating strudel later this evening (working on client stuff til who knows when) so when he got hungry, just sprinkle some cheese on the top and warm it up.
I came downstairs about 20 mins ago (it would have been around 6:30 pm) and he had not eaten. Why? Because he was waiting for me to come put the cheese on the top and stick it in the oven. He was pouting.
I slapped some of the casserole on a paper plate, sprinkled grated cheese on it and threw it in the microwave and told him when the bell rang, supper was served, and left the room. Geeeeeezzzzzz.
I am working on client work (you know, making money?) and there is no reason he couldn't have stuck that casserole in the oven. He swears I never told him to warm it up; he says he understood that I was going to come warm it up. Um, why did I fix the blame casserole at 1 pm and given him instructions if not for him to have something to feed himself?
When I retired my wife told me all kinds of things to do :
Get out of my way !
Go find something to do !
Don't tell me what to do!
Why don't you take a walk!
You want something to do , go clean the toilets !
Why don't you get a part time job ?
You get the idea, after 10 years I figured it out and we're both happier.
I don't know how soon he is going to get the message.
I made his dinner for him around lunch time (1 pm, after he had eaten some soup for lunch) - a chicken casserole. I told him I was eating strudel later this evening (working on client stuff til who knows when) so when he got hungry, just sprinkle some cheese on the top and warm it up.
I came downstairs about 20 mins ago (it would have been around 6:30 pm) and he had not eaten. Why? Because he was waiting for me to come put the cheese on the top and stick it in the oven. He was pouting.
I slapped some of the casserole on a paper plate, sprinkled grated cheese on it and threw it in the microwave and told him when the bell rang, supper was served, and left the room. Geeeeeezzzzzz.
I am working on client work (you know, making money?) and there is no reason he couldn't have stuck that casserole in the oven. He swears I never told him to warm it up; he says he understood that I was going to come warm it up. Um, why did I fix the blame casserole at 1 pm and given him instructions if not for him to have something to feed himself?
Pulling my hair out, here.
I get this. Mine is the same way. He would starve rather than cook himself anything.
He put A dish in the dishwasher the other day, first time in 37 years. Only thing - it was not
Dishwasher safe.
He ll give me a to do list in the a.m. And don't you know he always asks if I did the one thing not
Accomplished
I don't know how soon he is going to get the message.
I made his dinner for him around lunch time (1 pm, after he had eaten some soup for lunch) - a chicken casserole. I told him I was eating strudel later this evening (working on client stuff til who knows when) so when he got hungry, just sprinkle some cheese on the top and warm it up.
I came downstairs about 20 mins ago (it would have been around 6:30 pm) and he had not eaten. Why? Because he was waiting for me to come put the cheese on the top and stick it in the oven. He was pouting.
I slapped some of the casserole on a paper plate, sprinkled grated cheese on it and threw it in the microwave and told him when the bell rang, supper was served, and left the room. Geeeeeezzzzzz.
I am working on client work (you know, making money?) and there is no reason he couldn't have stuck that casserole in the oven. He swears I never told him to warm it up; he says he understood that I was going to come warm it up. Um, why did I fix the blame casserole at 1 pm and given him instructions if not for him to have something to feed himself?
Pulling my hair out, here.
Arrrrgggghhhhh, talk about passive resistance! I know, you were supposed to serve him that chicken casserole, all cheezed and warmed up, when he was ready for it....
That or he figured the food preparation fairy would swoop in, take it out of the microwave, prepare it and set in front of him with a fork, ready to go when he wanted it.
You know, those household fairies are useful creatures, I'm sure if pressed my husband would tell you that things just get done somehow, but he hasn't paid any attention to how it happens. Those fairies come in and magically, with no effort at all, take care of things that it wouldn't occur to a spouse to do, and when those tasks amazingly somehow get done and things are taken care of, it wouldn't occur to them to acknowledge, or credit the person who actually works at taking care of those things. So in our house we have a housework fairy, who keeps the house in a semblence of order, picks up clothes and other items that have been left just anywhere, ( they're male clothing, so not mine!), who wipes up dribbles of coffee that have been trailed along the floor on their way to "his" hamshack, who makes sure we have clean clothes, that bills get paid, and meals are prepared, served and cleaned up after that.
I bet you have some of those fairies in your house too. We also had a financial fairy in my pre-retirement days, who was responsible, somehow, for magically adding approximately $50,000/yr into the bank accounts, and I bet your financial fairy adds a significant amount to your bank account too.
I still do some contract work with a continuing education company, done at home although it can be lots of work- all unacknowledged by his nibs who has told people I just do it for fun, LOL ( he won't say that again, not after the way I reacted at hearing that), so I suppose our financial fairy is still around.
Wow--I'm really lucky. My husband retired in May. We are remodeling our retirement house. Packing and fixing up our "to be sold" home. Spending two weeks in each, back and forth. It is so much fun.
+ Tonight he poured me a glass of wine, and told me to go swing on the porch, while he cooked lamb chops for dinner.
I do most of the packing--he does the heavy lifting. We are moving the breakables, artwork and electronics ourselves, and getting a moving company to move the furniture.
He has always told me how and where to drive. I've learned to ignore him.
Arrrrgggghhhhh, talk about passive resistance! I know, you were supposed to serve him that chicken casserole, all cheezed and warmed up, when he was ready for it....
That or he figured the food preparation fairy would swoop in, take it out of the microwave, prepare it and set in front of him with a fork, ready to go when he wanted it.
You know, those household fairies are useful creatures, I'm sure if pressed my husband would tell you that things just get done somehow, but he hasn't paid any attention to how it happens. Those fairies come in and magically, with no effort at all, take care of things that it wouldn't occur to a spouse to do, and when those tasks amazingly somehow get done and things are taken care of, it wouldn't occur to them to acknowledge, or credit the person who actually works at taking care of those things. So in our house we have a housework fairy, who keeps the house in a semblence of order, picks up clothes and other items that have been left just anywhere, ( they're male clothing, so not mine!), who wipes up dribbles of coffee that have been trailed along the floor on their way to "his" hamshack, who makes sure we have clean clothes, that bills get paid, and meals are prepared, served and cleaned up after that.
I bet you have some of those fairies in your house too. We also had a financial fairy in my pre-retirement days, who was responsible, somehow, for magically adding approximately $50,000/yr into the bank accounts, and I bet your financial fairy adds a significant amount to your bank account too.
I still do some contract work with a continuing education company, done at home although it can be lots of work- all unacknowledged by his nibs who has told people I just do it for fun, LOL ( he won't say that again, not after the way I reacted at hearing that), so I suppose our financial fairy is still around.
Are we friends in real life and just don't realize it? Cause I have been referring to the various "Fairies" in my life (and household) for my entire adult life. Amazing how they show up (or don't) lololol.
Yeah, I work for "fun" too. And at this point, hmmmmm, his retirement means I am the only one working so you would think the sanctity of my office and work time would be observed, with great respect.
I do realize that in my situation, hubby is dealing with post-surgery and with all sorts of meds that are not helping his attitude about his life. I am being as patient as I can, but some of this stuff -- micro-managing me in particular -- is NOT NEW.
I am seriously thinking about taking a job - any job! - full time - just to get out of the house. Of course, I am no longer 35 so who knows how easy it would be to get a job - doing anything, lol. But I won't know until I look.
Wow--I'm really lucky. My husband retired in May. We are remodeling our retirement house. Packing and fixing up our "to be sold" home. Spending two weeks in each, back and forth. It is so much fun.
+ Tonight he poured me a glass of wine, and told me to go swing on the porch, while he cooked lamb chops for dinner.
I do most of the packing--he does the heavy lifting. We are moving the breakables, artwork and electronics ourselves, and getting a moving company to move the furniture.
He has always told me how and where to drive. I've learned to ignore him.
Now, this sounds like partnership and the way it is supposed to be!!
It gives me hope!!!
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Although, my hope is that we sell the house and downsize to a walkable community. I already let him know that when that happens, I'm going to have us both out taking walks, weather permitting.
