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Fear of change is normal. That's probably all it is. People have ideas that retired people just sit around watching TV all day, and she may just think that's what's going to happen to you. It may be that she is just freaked out at the prospect of you with all that time on your hands. Really only she knows, or maybe she doesn't even know herself. It might just be that you guys have to have a talk where you tell her you just can't do it (work) anymore, don't even want to try. Be sympathetic to her fears, and listen with an open heart to try and hear what she is saying. Express your feelings also. If you are disappointed that she doesn't trust that you've got this figured out, or that she thinks the two of you can't handle it, say so. Maybe you can reassure her, maybe not. But ultimately it is your decision what to do every day. She is not going to up and leave if you retire, but it can make life less than desirable if she doesn't eventually come around to the idea. Ask her why she can't be happy for you to finally reach your goal.
For me the idea of working on after I am ready to retire because "somebody else" is envious, scared, worrying needlessly, etc would make me so resentful I would have to see a counselor just to vent weekly.
Maybe she's afraid that you will sit around all day and dirty up the house. I'm not saying you would but that might be one concern. Are you willing to do more around the house while she works to reduce the household burden? This might be an advantage that would swing her opinion to your way of thinking
When your 'financial guy' said that you are good to go without any details,what does that mean? You have enough money to pay bills and live on as well as for unexpected health concerns? What do you plan to do when you retire?
Maybe your wife is okay with the general idea of retirement but the actuality of it scares her. It might be an unreal fear to you but something about it scares her, She might be going through a lot of feelings right now about the changes in your life (the last child leaving home, the possibility of you retiring) that she may not be able to articulate yet. Continue to talk to her and find out why your retirement seems to scare her.
Would it help, as someone suggested, to retire gradually- cut down to part time then leave the job at the end of a year (or whatever time frame that you have)? She'll need to start thinking about her own retirement as well.
Been using the same guy forever... both of us. We had goals and we've reached them. We go 2x a years for review so we have the same information from the same guy at the same time in the same room. Detail means actual numbers.
Regardless of what you think she understands, she's still anxious. You can "hang tough" and go ahead and retire immediately but I'm not sure either of you will be very happy until you come to more of an agreement on expectations.
I'm with ya on that. The perception of retiring is different than actually setting a date to retire.
My wife and I are going through this exact scenario.
When the general non descript answers she kept giving me were no longer sufficient, the truth came out, she thought I would be bored and not do well in transition to fulltime retirement. When I pointed out that at some point I would retire and have to do the same transition then as I would now, I think the light bulb went on that the transition was inevitable; she realized we were really discussing timing, not retirement.
I have six months left in my planned working career, unless I decide to pull the plug earlier, but we are now in agreement that the timing of my retirement is really a personal decision for "me" not "us," since our finances are set and not significantly impacted by a retirement now vs. a couple years from now.
My wife and I are going through this exact scenario.
When the general non descript answers she kept giving me were no longer sufficient, the truth came out, she thought I would be bored and not do well in transition to fulltime retirement. When I pointed out that at some point I would retire and have to do the same transition then as I would now, I think the light bulb went on that the transition was inevitable; she realized we were really discussing timing, not retirement.
I have six months left in my planned working career, unless I decide to pull the plug earlier, but we are now in agreement that the timing of my retirement is really a personal decision for "me" not "us," since our finances are set and not significantly impacted by a retirement now vs. a couple years from now.
Agree totally w/ Tuck's Dad. I think that it is that she's just not getting that it's all just timing. As for feelings, I think she might get it if you ask her to turn the situation around and imagine that you were working and liked your job a lot, and she was tired of it all and really wanted to retire but that you just wanted her to keep on working because you weren't ready for her to retire, even though you didn't need the money. Ask her to imagine how that might make her feel.
I retired early (due to an work injury) and DH is still working and says he will work until he is 70. I was really worried about retiring early because of finances, but actually we are living well on only one salary. I think your wife is just worried about money and maybe what you will be doing while she is working. The unknown is always challenging and a little scary.
The bottom line for me is when you say you are ready to retire, then you are really ready. Your first full day of retirement will be like the first day of summer vacation when you were a kid. Do it.
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