News, Son sues to evict 98-year-old mom: He says she needs help; she says no (supplement, move)
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NEW HAVEN, Conn. -- Peter Kantorowski wanted his 98-year-old mother to move into a nursing home or live with him.
She wouldn't go; she didn't want to leave her home of nearly 60 years.
Finally, Kantorowski went to court -- and served his mother with an eviction notice shortly before her 98th birthday in December.
Son sues to evict 98-year-old mom: He says she needs help; she says no | Detroit Free Press | freep.com (http://www.freep.com/article/20120218/NEWS07/202180339/Son-sues-to-evict-98-year-old-mom?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE - broken link)
I can sympathize with both sides to a degree; certainly to the mother who wishes to stay in the home she and her late husband built as well as to the son who may well be reasonably concerned about her welfare.
My wife's mother "over-stayed" her time in her home out of stubbornness and was within months of running our of money because she was paying for 24/7 home care. My wife, her only child, tried for several years to get her to agree to go into assisted living but she wouldn't have it. Thankfully, she died before all her assets were depleted which averted a potential crisis that would have taken all her monthly income and may well have fallen to us to supplement it to assure decent placement.
Not sure we should judge this son so harshly.
I went through the same thing with my Mom who stayed in her home for 60 years. She was NOT going to leave it for anything. At 101, the IL Dept of Aging told me I had to do something to get her either a live in or full time care. It was a good thing. I was able to convince her to move, because if not, I was going to suffer the consequences. At 98 this lady might be ok for a while, but its not going to last. The son is thinking ahead. Something I did not do. Our move for Mom was done in 3 short days. Very hard on her. Thankfully she is adjusting to assisted living and I can relax (a little.)
Ultimately, the mother will have to be around others in another environment because she can't live in that home forever, especially due to the fact that she lived alone. Granted, it was drastic on the part of her son, but I actually think he did the right thing.
Why didn't someone offer her in-home help? I know why. B/c it is expensive and if she has liquidated her assets, son can just stick her in a nursing home and medicaid will pay, whereas someone else would have to ante up some cash for in-home help.
Note to self: do not sign deed over to heirs as life estate.
This is ALWAYS warned against. One wonders under what circumstances the woman signed over her deed to (just one) son.
I read, on another site, that she deeded the house to a trust, retaining a life estate. After her death, the house was supposed to go to both sons 50/50. As trustee of that trust, however, Peter then deeded the house over to a trust of which he and his wife are trustees, giving him ownership of the house.
The relationship of parent child is not what it used to be. All I hear of is heart ache stories filled with disappointment and dismay of children mistreating senior parents. A fellow I retired with is now a full time baby sitter to his grandchild. He planned to fish, hunt, and trap but all he seems to be doing is changing diapers. A friend allowed his two adult children to move in with him. Both work but contribute little to the cost of the home. He also has his daughters son living with him, (a bum who has never held a job), at age 25. These children and grandchildren have taken over his home but he still pays the bills. Most recently they have even taken control of his internet and phone. Another retiree and her husband I know sold everything and moved to a new location to be closer to their children and grandchildren. After a year or so their children packed up and moved across the country.
Today's children feel no obligation to their parents. Most tend to exploit them seeking only to maximize their bounty when the parent passes.
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