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It is different being married for a long time, both working, having 8-10 hours alone then suddenly spending 24/7 with each other!
You will work it out. I like my husband, been married 33 years. But we have different interests at time, and that is a good thing. We do things together and we do things separately. It all works out.
We are not at retirement yet, but I already know that we have different interests in some things, and that is okay. At the end of the day we are still married. It is okay that part of the time we do things separately (actually there are times I go on adventures without him and him without me, and that is okay).
The two of you will naturally work things out.
Divorce at this stage of the game, no way! Why make you life more complicated!
Enjoy, it will all work out!
Thank you! I absolutely love and like my husband. I think he will be more active when I retire. He works out, takes care of our Cavalier spaniel and makes dinner. He enjoys road trips, etc. I've just been bored out of my mind. It's my problem not his.
I already work out at the YMCA most days, will be able to do more of that (classes) when I am not commuting 3 hours a day and working 8. We will be moving to my hometown in Texas and it will be all new to him and he is looking forward to that. [IMG][/IMG]
My parents were what I consider to be very happily married and even they had a difficult time adjusting when their work situations changed. My father was able to retire early (at age 58), which was great because he hated his job and it was bad for his health. He took to retirement immediately, joining a golf club where he went Monday through Friday, doing some volunteer work, hanging out with some other retired guys who enjoyed the kind of things he liked to do, etc. When Mom came home from work they had dinner and spent the evening together.
My mother loved her job and continued working for many years after he retired. Then, when her time came to call it quits at the office, she expected Dad to welcome her into his daily life. But that didn't mean she would take up golf and church work. She wanted him to stop doing the things he was enjoying and spend time with her. It never seemed to occur to him that she would not be able to create a happy situation for herself that would equal his and they would just continue to do things together at night, as they had for years. And it didn't seem to occur to her that he needed to find something else to occupy her from nine to five.
It wasn't a month after my mother's big retirement party that Dad took me aside and say, "Honey, you have to help me. Your mother's driving me crazy. She's messing up my system." He was genuinely distraught. My dad was a man of habits; he had everything set up the way he liked it and he didn't want a new life.
I never expected to be a marriage counselor to my parents, but that's basically what I became. Generally in my parents' disagreements I had usually taken my mother's side (because Dad could be very stubborn and often unwilling to try new things). But in this, I saw his point. He was happy. He was healthy. He exercised every day, he had his routine that pleased him. And he still loved my mother, he just didn't want to spend 24 hours a day with her.
I eventually got her to see his point by asking her to imagine if the opposite had happened. What if she had hobbies and good times that he would have expected her to drop to entertain him? He wasn't abandoning her, he just didn't want the job of structuring HER retirement. For some reason it was a lot harder for Mom to fill her time away from the office, but she generally got the hang of it. She took some trips without Dad for the first time in their long marriage. She was always interested in art, so I convinced her to take some classes. She eventually started paining and with some good teachers got very good at it. Dad was proud of her even though he had no interest in art whatsoever. She took on some projects around the house and didn't expect him to pitch in (even though she would have preferred that).
It seems to me if the OP finds her husband's retirement activities, whatever they may be, distasteful, it's up to her to find her own ways to entertain herself. Especially if they don't share a common outlook on life, (I know I don't share anything with people addicted to FOX News), it's incumbent on her to get out of the house for the daytime hours at least and find some rewarding activities to fill her day. They can have dinner together in the evening and see if they still have enough interest in each other to keep the marriage together.
But retirement is a new life. Most people just don't fall into a rewarding experience with it without some effort on their part.
You'd better make some plans for alternate activities after retirement. Separate bedrooms might be in order also. Make it into a sitting room/bedroom, with TV etc, so you can limit your time with your spouse. Sounds like you stayed married for convenience.
We will be moving to my hometown in Texas and it will be all new to him and he is looking forward to that. [IMG][/IMG]
Looking to the future....
That sounds amazing. I have always thought it would be fun to move to a totally different town when I retire.
I am sure even for you it will be new again, time to explore new surroundings!
Thank you! I absolutely love and like my husband. I think he will be more active when I retire. He works out, takes care of our Cavalier spaniel and makes dinner. He enjoys road trips, etc. I've just been bored out of my mind. It's my problem not his.
I already work out at the YMCA most days, will be able to do more of that (classes) when I am not commuting 3 hours a day and working 8. We will be moving to my hometown in Texas and it will be all new to him and he is looking forward to that.
Looking to the future....
I had to double check to make sure you were the OP and talking about the same man.
The replies would probably have been a lot different if you had written this first instead of....
" my husband has driven me crazy with his ranting and raving while watching Fox news, never wanting to go anywhere or do anything.
"
Don't let him watch Faux news. It's all made up crap compliments of the Republican Party. I would not let him watch ANY NEWS PROGRAM as it's mostly depressing bad news anyway.
Plan a trip with him. If that doesn't go well either, time to talk to an attorney! You really never know someone until you are spending lots of time with them....
Thank you! I absolutely love and like my husband. I think he will be more active when I retire. He works out, takes care of our Cavalier spaniel and makes dinner. He enjoys road trips, etc. I've just been bored out of my mind. It's my problem not his.
I already work out at the YMCA most days, will be able to do more of that (classes) when I am not commuting 3 hours a day and working 8. We will be moving to my hometown in Texas and it will be all new to him and he is looking forward to that.
Looking to the future....
Sounds like maybe you were just blowing off steam in the first post then. These threads are always kind of interesting; seeing where people go when they fill in missing details with assumptions. It has morphed into another legit thread about people who aren't all that compatible having a tough time dealing with it when they spend more time together. Turns out that might not be you.
Just reading this thread and maybe this should be revamped- this sure did turn negative and nasty.
I can understand how OP feels- sometimes when nothing is planned, we get in a rut and post on the computer and just putter around the house. Sometimes that 's very nice and relaxing and cozy-----but a steady diet of it drives me bonkers. ( I work full time so I am talking about weekend days). My husband and I do like day trips, traveling, EATING, etc but we can fall into a rut of no plans no nothing and it does make me very anxious. He is way more content to chill day in and day out.
Consequently, I do seek out activities and even just get in the car and go to some stores to browse ( I am not a big buyer of things, but I love to look) for a diversion. It gets old too. I wonder about when I retire as well.
The OP sure sounds like she has much to look forward to when they move.
I am retiring in five months. I'm 60, my husband is 70.
I've just had five days off from work and I have been bored out of my mind, my husband has driven me crazy with his ranting and raving while watching Fox news, never wanting to go anywhere or do anything.
All I can think of is, my God I will have to live with this person 24/7 and put up with this every flippin' day of my life.
Anyone have any tips, short of divorce (can't afford that he'd clean me out financially)?
Schedule yourself some "time off" for OTHER interests...that is,maybe join the Senior center, a quilting club, a church group, or whatever you interests are, FIND an event for a few days or evenings a week, volunteer at the local hospital, volunteer to drive non-driving Seniors to appts.....ANYTHING
That will give YOU time away from him.
Encourage him to take up golf, or OTHER senior center activities different from yours. If he served military, encourage him to find a group of retired peers to hang out with.
That Will give HIM time away from you!
We are in our 50s and can get like that if too much "off time" from work can get to us, too and we are generally joined at the hip and maybe still in our honeymoon phase being together only 15 years! Though I ODN'T think we are as bad as you describe here...
The BEst of luck to you!
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