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I know that there are some wonderful things about retirement, and I love them. I am not afraid of dying [though I hope it is not for a long time because I am working on so many, to me, important activities. That being said, I am not terribly comfortable or even accepting of loss despite its' inevitability. it becomes a type of fear
To combat that, I am trying to create at least one new "gain" every week. I'm not even sure that makes sense. I keep working on new [fun] skills, improving a relationship, do something to grow my you tube channel, "adopt" a new grandchild,create something, do something to alleviate others suffering [ that has actually always been a perserveration] even finally to learn to apply makeup properly in my old age,etc. in an attempt to balance out the losses.
I do not pursue these new things with anxiety as though I am trying to "trick death" but I DO feel anxiety if I do not learn, create, or make improvements on a regular basis.
So, a couple of questions. One, does anyone else feel this way? And, two, though I feel at peace am I actually in a state of denial attempting to deny this period of life which is filled with many things, particular all sorts of losses?
I am age 74 and I recently joined a gym/health club. I have told my friends I am not really looking on getting ahead but more to fight falling behind as I age.
Do not go gentle into that good night....fight it...fight it....
I know that there are some wonderful things about retirement, and I love them. I am not afraid of dying [though I hope it is not for a long time because I am working on so many, to me, important activities. That being said, I am not terribly comfortable or even accepting of loss despite its' inevitability. it becomes a type of fear
To combat that, I am trying to create at least one new "gain" every week. I'm not even sure that makes sense. I keep working on new [fun] skills, improving a relationship, do something to grow my you tube channel, "adopt" a new grandchild,create something, do something to alleviate others suffering [ that has actually always been a perserveration] even finally to learn to apply makeup properly in my old age,etc. in an attempt to balance out the losses.
I do not pursue these new things with anxiety as though I am trying to "trick death" but I DO feel anxiety if I do not learn, create, or make improvements on a regular basis.
So, a couple of questions. One, does anyone else feel this way? And, two, though I feel at peace am I actually in a state of denial attempting to deny this period of life which is filled with many things, particular all sorts of losses?
Well if you thought back the losses probably started when you were much younger ... the most impactful being losses of parents and / or other elder figures you might have cherished (I wrote and / or since not everyone has a rosy parental relationship). Then, you get to a point where suddenly coworkers start to kick, in larger and larger numbers. Then comes the wave in your own cohort. It is part of life.
That said, it sure does get weird when you suddenly realize you are attending more funerals than weddings.
Humans have been on this planet for about 400,000 years. We will probably still be here 200,000 years from now. An individual is just a single thread in a very large rug of human existence. It is hard for me to put too much importance on what I mean to the larger picture and I am fine with that.
I try not to get in the trap of thinking that it is important that I do or see certain things before dying. It is not like I will take those memories with me and cherish them when I am dead. I do lots of activities but I don't feel any urgency that I need to get a lot done before I die. I pretty much live the same way now (at 65) as I did at 35.
I know that there are some wonderful things about retirement, and I love them. I am not afraid of dying [though I hope it is not for a long time because I am working on so many, to me, important activities. That being said, I am not terribly comfortable or even accepting of loss despite its' inevitability. it becomes a type of fear
To combat that, I am trying to create at least one new "gain" every week. I'm not even sure that makes sense. I keep working on new [fun] skills, improving a relationship, do something to grow my you tube channel, "adopt" a new grandchild,create something, do something to alleviate others suffering [ that has actually always been a perserveration] even finally to learn to apply makeup properly in my old age,etc. in an attempt to balance out the losses.
I do not pursue these new things with anxiety as though I am trying to "trick death" but I DO feel anxiety if I do not learn, create, or make improvements on a regular basis.
So, a couple of questions. One, does anyone else feel this way? And, two, though I feel at peace am I actually in a state of denial attempting to deny this period of life which is filled with many things, particular all sorts of losses?
Sort of. I discovered training at our gym and have been using the strength machines for about 1 1/2 years now. I keep trying to add reps or resistance with those. And today, with a bit of a respiratory thing, I decided I needed to cut myself some slack today. But that is my instinct--get better at this thing that I have only recently embraced.
I like to learn new stuff. But I don't necessarily like to involve myself in too many projects or commitments.
I do get what you are doing though. And if ever there was a time when we could devote ourselves to developing ourselves, it is in retirement.
I don't like the term "loss." How can that be anything other than depressing?
I think the key is finding the up-side to getting old. For instance, I was very "hot" physically, until I hit about 50 years old. Most of my life I was relentlessly hit-on by both males and females. I love the fact that I am now not attractive to anyone physically, except the rare odd person anymore. It's nice to be able to have a real conversation with someone without there being any other motive or distraction in the way.
And I also don't care anymore if I'm thin or perfectly coiffed when I go out the door. That's such a relief and a time-saver when you just want to do your errands around town - no need to fix your hair or put on make-up, etc.
And senior discounts are wonderful.
Just saying, you can focus on the fact you have to wear bi-focals or aren't young and firm anymore and call that a loss - or you can glorify in the fact you don't have to worry about it anymore.
I'm the opposite of what you describe, NoMoreSnowForMe - I find it a bummer and definitely not an upside to aging that my looks are not what they once were - ha! I have no idea how I look to others though.
I am age 74 and I recently joined a gym/health club. I have told my friends I am not really looking on getting ahead but more to fight falling behind as I age.
Do not go gentle into that good night....fight it...fight it....
A paraphrase of a Dylan Thomas poem
Edna St. Vicent Millay....I am not resigned. "DIRGE WITHOUT MUSIC.
I have no idea what losses you fear or what bad things have happened to you. I do applaud the idea of living a positive life. This is something we should try to do, not just in old age, but throughout our lives. I believe we person should strive to improve themselves, to learn, to grow, to achieve and to contribute to the wellbeing of themselves and others.
Every step of life involves loss...youth, friends, family members, former jobs, former colleagues, former homes, good times, bad times: "Look, we have come through"— DH Lawrence.
Every day is a beginning, every evening is the loss of that day.
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