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When I was 33 and had just crash landed after a failed attempt to work in international health (with a newly minted degree and smallish school loans) my 59-year-old mother asked my sister and me to start supporting her. She had always been mentally fragile but waitressed on and off. She split up from my compulsive gambling cab driving father and bought a small trailer, very affordable, near a bus line. She got a job that was perfect for an older woman with little skill- a telephone operator at a nice hotel on the bus line. However, she quit from the delusions that people were "saying filthy things" to her at work. She also refused to take the bus or a taxi and insisted on keeping a car.
My sister and I probably spent enough on the phone calls to actually support her but neither of us wanted to do it or were much able. My father moved back in with her, saying "I figured your mother shouldn't end up in the gutter because she married a bum like me once."
They lived together in mutual acrimony until she died at 77 and he tried his best to take care of her at the trailer until her last week in hospice. It was probably the most decent thing he ever did, along with fighting in World War 2.
In his later years, I offered for him to move in with me and he did have some long visits, but first, felt that he couldn't leave his ex-wife alone because she was pretty crazy, and second, he couldn't walk to any public transport to gambling or place to gamble where I lived. When he had his long visits, he was an excellent roommate and I enjoyed having him and would have happily supported him at home had he agreed. I still miss him, some five years after.
My retired mother moved in with me 4 years ago because she failed to plan for her retirement adequately and divorced her spouse. She has numerous medical issues that prevent her from working and her government retirement is not enough to live off of. She does not contribute to finances. I know several people whose parents have moved in with them as well. I think this is becoming more common than it may have been 20 years ago. It is quite stressful having to provide for my family and to know that I am now also responsible to care for my mother for the next 20 or 30 years. She is only 63.
Why aren't you recieving a portion of her income to support her?
Why aren't you recieving a portion of her income to support her?
Mae
Because she believes that her money belongs to her and she does not have to pay any living expenses. It's my responsibility to take care of her. Did I mention that she is tough to live with? If she did not live with me she would likely be homeless. My brother and sister have both said there is no way she is ever living with either of them.
My sister and I left home after graduation from high school, financed our own educations and did not boomerang back like kids do today. So this is not a case of a kids that mooched off of their parents or received any kind of financial help after leaving the nest. We paid our own way from a very early age.
The moral of the story is Plan for your retirement.
Because she believes that her money belongs to her and she does not have to pay any living expenses. It's my responsibility to take care of her. Did I mention that she is tough to live with? If she did not live with me she would likely be homeless. My brother and sister have both said there is no way she is ever living with either of them.
My sister and I left home after graduation from high school, financed our own educations and did not boomerang back like kids do today. So this is not a case of a kids that mooched off of their parents or received any kind of financial help after leaving the nest. We paid our own way from a very early age.
The moral of the story is Plan for your retirement.
Another moral of the story could be grow a backbone in dealing with those who would sponge off you.
I'm still subsiding my kids. Recently I gve them a down payment on a house. I'll be subtracting it from their inheritance.
This is the scenario I am most familiar with. Retired parents still subsidizing grown children who will not or cannot get their lives together to become functional adults themselves.
To slyfox2; you may want to file the forms now to register the house down payment with the IRS as an early inheritance distribution. It really won't matter if you have one child and your estate will be below the anticipated Estate Tax limits, plus the record keeping is apparently annual till death. However, it might matter a lot if you have more than one child or a potentially sizable estate.
Unfortunately some people have both a conscience and soul and are inclined to do what is morally right rather than what is easy or convenient.
Sadly, neither your conscience or your soul served you well.
Is it fair to your family to have your mother living there? Have you considered finding her a low-income apartment?
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