Baby:
You ARE worthy! You ARE valuable! Just figure out at what and how!
Is that all you needed to hear?
I may have blasted you, but as you can see by MY story, you are far better off than I am.
My post is neither positive nor negative, just giving you a "reality check". Blowing smoke up your butt WON'T help you!
You are over-generalizing, catastropizing, rathionalizing and allowing one or two issues to ruin your life. Ask your therapist about 'cognitive therapy'.
At just $1m, you could never ever earn another penny in any interest or dividends, and still draw down $33,333.33 {$2775+/-/month} a year for the next 30 years and THEN you will run out of money. You mentioned SS, so I assume that while in Canada, you must have working years in USA to get some SS. You have that to look forward to, too. Add $2775+ the $1800 and you have $4,500/ month to spend, though the interest will decrease as you draw down. Not bad at all, and you should outlive your money.
That's about what MOH and I have for income a year; with MOH's two part time jobs {one not guaranteed any particular hours, MOH is looking to change that, when the money is good, it's good, but when there's no work, it's bad}, my SSDI, and my working pay; yet, we are considered "lower middle income" for my area, but look at it: we have FOUR incomes to do it!
I returned to work for the following reasons:
1} I AM bored after 13 years of "no job, no alarm clock, no boss, no money"
2} My SSDI no longer pays much in bills. By working I can increase it and my eventual SS payout. I still have working years left to include in my SSDI and SS. For a while, I can collect my SSDI and work, it IS allowed by the government.
3} I, too, feel "useless", not quite a "burden on society" as I worked at least 2 jobs all my life and earned what I get in SSDI, but have/had no "direction".
4} volunteering {which I've done and am looking for a new outlet} is great, but it takes time and has no paycheck.
5} we really need the money.
My job is part time, 3 days a week, 24 hours a week. It's all I can handle, but at least it's a steady, reliable income. It also gives me 4 days off a week to recoup or to do other things, like being "semi-retired". I come home and stumble into the house, literally, and fall into bed, sometimes only half undressed. The feeling of exhaustion is overcome by the elation of actually "doing something productive". Perhaps you can find a sit-down job, secretarial or something to do, if "self-worth" is your only obstacle to a happier life.
You said you are not a candidate for knee surgery. Yet. As much trouble as I have with my back, and though I have pins screws and plates, it's not enough, and I am still not a candidate for surgery to correct what may really be causing the pain.
The cane has been by my side, day and night for about 9 years. I had to re-learn how to do things. For instance, how to carry two bags of groceries AND my cane. I learned to carry only one and make multiple trips. I learned to carry smaller loads and more trips.
I learned to carry a catch-all bag with me to carry things in in one hand while my other operated my cane. The very first time I asked for a carry out at the grocery store, I felt "belittled" by my own self, my own mind, while they were pleased to help. It took lots or courage and guts to ask for a carry-out, now, I have no problem. But it was HUGE step for me to ask, I am male and considered "strong" of course.
I had to learn to be "strong" in other ways, that is "strong" enough to ask or help when I needed it.
It also seems to me you know what you need to do, already without this posting. Maybe you want confirmation, validation, or are open to ideas.
YOU have options, you have money, $1800/m is your self imposed limit, but you can draw just 1% of your funds and still have {what is the exact figure? $1.2million?} enough to live out your years.
I suggest, only a suggestion, but you seem on the right track for you: clear out the clutter of you home. Sell on ebay {if you want the hassles of shipping}, sell at a garage sale, sell on craigslist, get rid of the clutter you don't need. Then, as I suggested, if you want to summer in Canada, buy a small but valuable condo where all snow removal and lawn care is done for you, and perhaps maintenance included. Then to be near your kids in AZ {If I remember correctly}, look into something small there, too. It needn't be in an expensive city, but maybe a small town nearby an hour away where costs are lower. You should be able to do both for $200k-300k. You will then have about $100k{+} that you can travel a bit and still not touch your savings. Like many other retirees, you need to shift habits from saving to spending what you have saved. Or add to your lump sum. Or it gives you three years at the $33,333. to live worry free while your money grows before you draw down.
Or, start your own business with the leftover $100k, just plan well, and don't overspend what the income will be from it.
Overall, you have options! LOTS of options! sit down and write out your "bucket list" and see what each will cost and then DO IT! JUST DO IT!
When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade. The Sun WILL come out tomorrow {ok, maybe not tomorrow, maybe a day or two later, but it WILL
}
It's really hard for me to be sympathetic to your plight when it seems your only issues are a bum knee and a self-imposed depression. Life happens. Everything that happens is 10% what happens to you and 90% HOW YOU REACT TO IT.
You got terminated, so move on to another job if you want, you are certainly NOT the only person forced into retirement, nor permanently laid off.
Many people don't have $50k in savings, you have over a million! Be greatful!
NOW, you have OPPORTUNITIES that holding down a job didn't afford you, TAKE ADVANTAGE of them!
Many people go through a "midlife crisis" or "forced retirement blues" or "catastrophic changes" in life. AS someone said, when a door closes, a window will open, if not OPEN A WINDOW YOURSELF! SOme ONLY WISH for "forced retirement"
DO that bucket list BEFORE the cane becomes a
constant need.
Look at how you have blessed, NOT what you have lost!
If need be, learn to adapt to your new life. So you're a little older, a little disabled, a little cheap. Look at the opportunities you DO have in front of you.
For those who blast you {if you consider me too}, well, if they tell you their story like I have, perhaps stand back and OBJECTIVELY look at your situation. You will see how much you have been blessed, how much you have gained, and really how insignificant your predicament is, with just being forced into retirement and a bum knee. You have MANY options I DON'T have, will probably NEVER have.
{If I was forced into retirement now, I'd be back living under a bridge {like when I was homeless} if I had to wait until my real FRA SS kicked in! My retirement savings won't last that long. I'm hoping by working again, I can boost retirement savings too, in addition to boosting my SS.}
Hope you find some happiness, nay, peace in your life, plan better for the future,and it will look brighter!
Mine does, by simply making the change of going back to work, and being a "working person with disabilities". I'ts a hard row for me to hoe, I'm finding, but I am sticking to it, SO that my future will hopefully be brighter! You do the same!
Continued best of luck to you!
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; and I'm going to get working on it . 
. I had no choice but to accept a Severance, I was done. I was angry and depressed. I then went on one trip after another last year to avoid thinking about my future. I went to Athens, Greek Island Cruise, Bali, Kimodo Islands, Java, N. Vietnam, China, Tibet, Hong Kong, and Caribbean Cruise. I enjoyed my travels and dreaded coming home.
There is more to me than meets the eye here. 
