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Hmmm.... there are a lot of things I can't find these days. I've given up on finding the scotch tape. I've given up on finding a bathing suit that will look good on me. I've given up on finding my sun glasses...
but happiness? Nah.
I find it over and over, whenever some little thing goes right. Whenever I see some unexpected glimpse of beauty. When I hear a song that brings back memories, or smell bread baking.
I've never sought happiness in a spouse, which, ironically, may be one reason my relationship with my spouse has mostly been happy. In fact, never sought happiness in a person of any sort, nor in a job. Which may be why I've been able to be happy even during those times when I was alone and unemployed. Even after a rough divorce I found ways to find happiness in a sunset, in kids playing, in a pet. And I honestly believe, as corny as it may sound, that this may be what attracted jobs and people back into my life.
I'm one of those people who thinks happiness is a decision. Sometimes it can be hard to make that decision, but keep making the decision anyway and in time it's back.
yes - yesterday I was so happy that I got several tasks that I hate completed. I was practically jumping for joy!
Nope, not for me. Happiness is doing what I like doing most and having the health with which to do it. I don't need a partner for that.
PS
If anyone kept me on the phone for hours with relationship issues, I would ask them to either seek professional help or lose my number. Sorry if that sounds cold, but speaking for myself, I personally don't have that kind of time or credentials to spend that amount of time trying to do fix someone else's life.
I know. I hate talking on the phone. I am a person that likes to text.
But I've known this person all my life. I have the time and with a speaker phone, I can continue doing other things and just let her vent.
I have told her that her other half needs professional help, and will segue into suggesting that she does also.
It is interesting that you equate happiness with having a romantic relationship.
From what I can gather, there are very few truly happy and functional relationships. I think they are very, very rare - when people share the same values, compliment each other's disposition, don't have any glaring personality disorders, etc.
I think the more common scenario is that lots of long-term couples have settled. They either decided money was more important - and are holding on for "security" or they fear being alone.
I have no way of knowing, but would guess truly happy marital relationships might be 10-20% of the population of those in relationship.
To me, true happiness is connecting with yourself and "source" - and then adding whatever would increase happiness to that base happiness.
I know. I hate talking on the phone. I am a person that likes to text.
But I've known this person all my life. I have the time and with a speaker phone, I can continue doing other things and just let her vent.
I have told her that her other half needs professional help, and will segue into suggesting that she does also.
I think she equates love and happiness with sex.
his lack of interest in that is making her nuts.
I don't know your friend's situation, but in my own it isn't equating love and happiness with sex. It's more complicated than that.
Here is my warped perspective. There is the raw desire which I am aware is stronger in me than her. No matter how much I try, I will never be completely rational about it because I will always have that. It is almost inevitable for those of us in this kind of imbalanced relationship that if there are any other relationship problems, sex will become a bargaining chip. It did for us; never explicitly, but it did. When it gets to the point that no bargain can be struck, it means that I can offer her nothing that she values that much. That really stings.
I got married at age 65 and have the best relationship ever. After a few years alone (my first wife had died) I wanted that every day kind of love, not just a dating life. Happiness is something we find in the every day sense, not those big moments of celebratory satisfaction, or temporary jubilation, but the every day contentment of those small achievements, the softer side of laughter, or those reflective "I'm so lucky" moments. We all talk about taking time to smell the roses, and we talk about appreciating the little things in life, but do we really take the time to ponder our good fortune and just be happy?
Read through the various forums here to get an idea of the problems caused by an over sized ego, or the argumentative, antagonistic types who seem to be exploding upon the page with all manner of sarcasm, venting their worst selves on the rest of us. Most of these folks seem terribly unhappy, lonely, or socially isolated. All that vitriol can be a bit overwhelming, but it does make the happy/cheerful posters stand out, so, a big thank you to all those happy people posting here.
I have a couple of female friends that are having relationship issues. Issues that will keep me on the phone with them for hours!
We are almost 60 years old. I myself do not think you need a member of the opposite sex to be happy, but that is their main goal. But then they have had really bad relationships and just hung in there with them for years. My two marriages lasted not even 4 years altogether.
I just wasn't into the theory about making things work blah, blah, blah
Anyway, I don't want them to give up hope either.
So do y'all have any heart warming stories about finding true love after many years?
No one should give up on happiness. I completely agree with you that one does not need to be in a relationship to be happy. However, being in a bad relationship should be avoided. Bad relationships are NOT conducive to happiness.
I have a couple of female friends that are having relationship issues. Issues that will keep me on the phone with them for hours!
We are almost 60 years old. I myself do not think you need a member of the opposite sex to be happy, but that is their main goal. But then they have had really bad relationships and just hung in there with them for years. My two marriages lasted not even 4 years altogether.
I just wasn't into the theory about making things work blah, blah, blah
Anyway, I don't want them to give up hope either.
So do y'all have any heart warming stories about finding true love after many years?
It's over, they should give up on finding any good men for now. The good ones at their age are already married for years and years, and some of them they probably turned away with their personal issues when they were much younger, so the available pool has shrunk to a mud puddle for them.
Give it another 15-20 years and some of the wives will start dying, and those good men will start getting lonely, and their standards will be a lot lower, and that's when their best chance will be again.
Women who always complain about how bad their past relationships were almost always carry that baggage into new ones, and cause their own demise. That my friends, is the Ugly Truth.
SS
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