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About Albuquerque...forgot to mention, earlier, that my partner and I went to NM about a year and a half ago, to research it, and one of the biggest problems was finding a hotel to stay where the windows open. We finally settled on a Hilton motel type place (no longer owned by whats'hername's grand-daddy), and while we had to endure Fajita Friday, at least our room, on the second floor, had a tiny balcony with doors that opened.
Basically we found ABQ too vast--yes it has beautiful sky, but so does Montana, and pretty much everywhere---but after getting chased down the highway by GIANT tumbleweeds, and not getting any real sense of cohesiveness about the town, we did the unthinkable: asked for directions to Starbucks. I know, I know. But damn, that was good. I could live in a town w/out SBucks---the point was, we felt so lost, it felt familiar. Oddly, only one person among the 11 we asked knew where it was---that's probably a good thing.
Dunno---ABQ just didn't not strike a single inner "gay" chord within us, though we know there must be a few notes somewhere. I think if one has lived in a city, like LA and SF and NYC, as we have, there's a fine line between, "ah, room to breath" and "OMG, where IS everyone?" Just something to keep in mind. What makes a lovely vacation might not make a lovely place to live. On the other hand...it also could. This, of course, is why it's all so confusing.
I could almost pay cash for a house in Buckeye, Arizona (with a pool) today for all the money spent doing research! (I'm exaggerating). But for those of us who are not super wealthy, I think we have to be money smart. 1st, a state with no tax on retirement income. 2nd, not TOO remote---the older we get, the more services we may need and easy access to them. 3rd we may have to perhaps redefine the term "gay friendly." I mean most of us know Oklahoma is out. Utah is not big on gay rights. But it seems to me that we really are pretty much everywhere, and we have to choose the place for its well-known LIBERAL or PROGRESSIVE attitudes---it stands to reason we'll find our own in those areas. For instance, who would have thought IOWA would vote for gay marriage? And yet, I'm sure there's plenty of spots in Iowa where we'd feel uncomfortable---until we found our own people. So, I think what I'm saying is: Find the place that meets most of your needs---meaning the top three---be flexible about weather, but if you hate snow, Iowa and Mass are out. If you don't like heat, forget Arizona. I would limit my choices to all temperate climates that meet my top three needs---I mean if we allow ourselves to have a laundry list (and you just KNOW we adore our lists---the longer the better, right!), we'll never get anywhere!
Talk to yourself---what REALLY matters to you. Pick three things. If you're not a super social being (and oddly, I find most of us are not---we're friendly but we spend a lot of time alone (with or without a partner), then it won't matter that much if there's no social venues or very few. Unless you really are going to head out for Montana, there's always going to be a city within an hour for social things. That's what weekends in the city (whatever city) are for! Another thing: as much as we love to own our places, there might be very good reason to rent first. Get to know the city before you buy. You usually can't do that with a quick visit. I'd almost make this a requirement. That way, some of the fear is lessened and one is not locked into a possible mistake. In this market, the prices for buying aren't going to go up much, if at all, in next 3 years. I understand people might not want to "waste" money on rent that could go for a purchase, but this is where small apartments or studios come in handy---it's just part of your starter kit, not where you'll end up.
Listen my friends, we've managed to get this far and live this long...trust your instincts, conserve your cash and don't do anything you can't undo by the end of the first year.
Now: Where am I going? I have no clue. Trying to get my spouse off the idea of Arizona but she likes the prices. I'm keeping an open mind. I hear a biological clock ticking somewhere at the back of my brain, and trust me, it ain't about birthing babies!
I hope everyone keeps posting their thoughts and findings on this board.
About Albuquerque...forgot to mention, earlier, that my partner and I went to NM about a year and a half ago, to research it, and one of the biggest problems was finding a hotel to stay where the windows open. We finally settled on a Hilton motel type place (no longer owned by whats'hername's grand-daddy), and while we had to endure Fajita Friday, at least our room, on the second floor, had a tiny balcony with doors that opened.
Basically we found ABQ too vast--yes it has beautiful sky, but so does Montana, and pretty much everywhere---but after getting chased down the highway by GIANT tumbleweeds, and not getting any real sense of cohesiveness about the town, we did the unthinkable: asked for directions to Starbucks. I know, I know. But damn, that was good. I could live in a town w/out SBucks---the point was, we felt so lost, it felt familiar. Oddly, only one person among the 11 we asked knew where it was---that's probably a good thing.
Dunno---ABQ just didn't not strike a single inner "gay" chord within us, though we know there must be a few notes somewhere. I think if one has lived in a city, like LA and SF and NYC, as we have, there's a fine line between, "ah, room to breath" and "OMG, where IS everyone?" Just something to keep in mind. What makes a lovely vacation might not make a lovely place to live. On the other hand...it also could. This, of course, is why it's all so confusing.
I could almost pay cash for a house in Buckeye, Arizona (with a pool) today for all the money spent doing research! (I'm exaggerating). But for those of us who are not super wealthy, I think we have to be money smart. 1st, a state with no tax on retirement income. 2nd, not TOO remote---the older we get, the more services we may need and easy access to them. 3rd we may have to perhaps redefine the term "gay friendly." I mean most of us know Oklahoma is out. Utah is not big on gay rights. But it seems to me that we really are pretty much everywhere, and we have to choose the place for its well-known LIBERAL or PROGRESSIVE attitudes---it stands to reason we'll find our own in those areas. For instance, who would have thought IOWA would vote for gay marriage? And yet, I'm sure there's plenty of spots in Iowa where we'd feel uncomfortable---until we found our own people. So, I think what I'm saying is: Find the place that meets most of your needs---meaning the top three---be flexible about weather, but if you hate snow, Iowa and Mass are out. If you don't like heat, forget Arizona. I would limit my choices to all temperate climates that meet my top three needs---I mean if we allow ourselves to have a laundry list (and you just KNOW we adore our lists---the longer the better, right!), we'll never get anywhere!
Talk to yourself---what REALLY matters to you. Pick three things. If you're not a super social being (and oddly, I find most of us are not---we're friendly but we spend a lot of time alone (with or without a partner), then it won't matter that much if there's no social venues or very few. Unless you really are going to head out for Montana, there's always going to be a city within an hour for social things. That's what weekends in the city (whatever city) are for! Another thing: as much as we love to own our places, there might be very good reason to rent first. Get to know the city before you buy. You usually can't do that with a quick visit. I'd almost make this a requirement. That way, some of the fear is lessened and one is not locked into a possible mistake. In this market, the prices for buying aren't going to go up much, if at all, in next 3 years. I understand people might not want to "waste" money on rent that could go for a purchase, but this is where small apartments or studios come in handy---it's just part of your starter kit, not where you'll end up.
Listen my friends, we've managed to get this far and live this long...trust your instincts, conserve your cash and don't do anything you can't undo by the end of the first year.
Now: Where am I going? I have no clue. Trying to get my spouse off the idea of Arizona but she likes the prices. I'm keeping an open mind. I hear a biological clock ticking somewhere at the back of my brain, and trust me, it ain't about birthing babies!
I hope everyone keeps posting their thoughts and findings on this board.
Good Advice and I agree most definitely trust your instincts. These are difficult times for many to be moving around the country. Things just don't feel right in this country on many issues. A move that becomes a mistake could become a permanent mistake, that cannot be fixed at this stage of life. However we can't let that uncertainty cripple us because we only live once in this lifetime. So take it slow but yes many of us will need to make a move for good or bad soon, and will have to take the leap.
Doesn't sound like ABQ is right for the both of you. I think your instincts have told you so. Listen to those instincts sometimes its all we got to go by.
Interesting to read your take, desktopdriver, on where my partner and I live (Albuquerque). My partner lived in San Francisco for 11 years before coming to ABQ in '97, and LA before that. In his case, he was glad to leave the frustrations of living in congested SF and of being just one of a huge anonymous gay crowd. That, and unfortunately wherever he went in the city he was haunted by the memories of so many friends who had died there over the years, including his former partner.
My partner is already retired and enjoys life here (I have four more years to go). He cannot fathom going back to a place like SF or LA. He likes the slower pace and easy accessibility of everything by car, scooter, or bike here. He enjoys having a house where he can garden and do his puttering around. He's pretty satisfied with his health care. We enjoy tumbleweeds. Neither of us is part of any gay scene, we have our friends that we see from time to time and that's it, otherwise we're both nature lovers and enjoy outdoor activities on weekends, like hiking in the mountains, scenic drives, skiing or snowshoeing in winter. His main complaint is the summer heat and too much sunshine all year, not enough rain. That also gets to me. We also feel the city has grown too much too fast, and yearn for a smaller city experience.
I live in a big city - Philadelphia - and I am a member of a Gay Men's 55+ senior club that meets weekly at our LGBT Community Center. We had a discussion about places to retire. Not far from here in southern Delaware, there are surprisingly affordable gated Senior Communities that are attractive and offer some amenities like swimming pools and club houses. Almost none of us wanted to leave the city.
Why?
Because:
1. we liked the cultural life: the museums, galleries, theater, symphony, opera, ballet, film festivals (the 2nd largest Gay Film Festival in North America is held here), special exhibitions, etc.
2. we liked the history and charm of the city, the architecture, the narrow cobblestone lanes, the parks, the statues, the fountains, the monuments, Independence Hall, Betsy Ross House, Franklin Court, Elfreth's Alley (oldest residential street in America), Christ Church, etc.
3. We liked the vast variety of good restaurants, cafes, pubs, food markets - like the famous Reading Terminal Market or South Philly's Italian Market. Ethnic cuisines of nearly every country on earth including Burmese, Malaysian, Indonesian, Brazilian, Ethiopian, Senegalese, Peruvian, etc.
4. We liked the fact there is GAY NIGHTLIFE - like piano bars such as Tavern On Camac, bars that cater to mature guys like The Venture Inn and Uncles, levi/leather/"bear" bars like The Bikestop. There is a large LGBT Community Center where no fewer than three different "Senior" social groups meet.
5. The local medical infrastructure is among the very tops in the nation with places like the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, Thomas Jefferson University Hospital, Wills Eye Institute, Hahnemann Hospital, Einstein, Lankenau, Crozer, Abington, etc.
... so in short, my "two cents" is that many of us do not want to be in small towns or rural areas.
However, if I did decide to live in a smaller town I guess I would pick one with an established gay community such as Provincetown, MA, or Ogunquit, ME, or Rehoboth, DE, or Key West, FL, or Laguna Beach, CA.
Santa Cruz: Mild weather, ocean, mountains, university, live-and-let-live vibe.
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Neither of us is part of any gay scene, we have our friends that we see from time to time and that's it, otherwise we're both nature lovers and enjoy outdoor activities on weekends, like hiking in the mountains, scenic drives, skiing or snowshoeing in winter. His main complaint is the summer heat and too much sunshine all year, not enough rain. That also gets to me. We also feel the city has grown too much too fast, and yearn for a smaller city experience.
