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My folks are both gone now. They had moved from Michigan to Florida, then after 15 years in Florida moved back to Michigan, where they lasted another 8 years. I had moved to Michigan in retirement, and they were at an age where they needed to be near one of their kids. They were in assisted living, very close to me, and about 20 miles from where they had lived in younger days. Mom loved going for a drive to their old home town, and basked in the good memories. Dad never wanted to, because he said those days were gone, many of his friends were gone, and it made him sad to think about them.
One of the Russian novelists had a character who lived in the country, miles from anyone, in an old family estate. The character said he never got lonely when isolated and snowbound in the winter, because he could look around and remember his mother sewing at the fire, his brothers playing outside the window, his grandparents sitting and eating supper. His memories were always there to keep him company.
I vacillate. There are days when I’m driving around and am so happy to be living near where I spent a lot of time in my youth, and so happy my folks had those 8 years so near to me after moving back. I can look around and smile to recall the long scenic drives, the suppers together, the trips with them to the same grocery store I’m going inside. I can picture them in all the old familiar places. Other days the memories hit me over the head and leave me so sad at all that’s lost and will never come again. It started me wondering whether you all share the mixed feelings? Or are you more like one or the other of my folks, either always happy with remembering good times in the past, or never wanting to think about the past at all?
Brightdoglover, of course it’s not a flaw! You’re one of the people I most admire on this board, and you always have such a focus on where and how to move on in your life. I’m starting to think that dwelling so much on even a good past can drag people down. So if you’re one who doesn’t think much about the past, then you’re a great example of what’s good about that state of mind.
Brightdoglover, of course it’s not a flaw! You’re one of the people I most admire on this board, and you always have such a focus on where and how to move on in your life. I’m starting to think that dwelling so much on even a good past can drag people down. So if you’re one who doesn’t think much about the past, then you’re a great example of what’s good about that state of mind.
Very kind of you to say, thank you. I wish I had a good past to dwell on, but I think of most of the past as failure. That's probably my base depression's assessment- an honorable failure. I don't know what it would mean to dwell on a good past, maybe just to incorporate the good into the present.
The places I knew as a kid are all gone now. Paved over with cookie cutter McMansions where I used to fish and hunt or play with my friends.
The towns where I went to high school have mutated from great small towns to sprawling urban blight.
I have good memories of growing up, some old pictures, and several old friends from back in the day. I've discovered that you don't need to see the old hangouts to remember them, which h is good because they're gone.
I spend a lot of time by myself with my dogs, and at every campfire I can see my grandfather and my uncle's, still sharing those fires with me.
Memories can be good as long as you filter what you remember.
I can't think of any time in the past I would want to return to, save for a few moments I had with kind relatives. Driving around my former hometown would be strange, as nothing is as I remember it and anyway those memories are inextricably linked with my horrid parents, so I've never had a longing to return. In fact, I dread going back there. And now that I don't have to, I don't.
Life has turned out to be nothing like I thought it would be. My high school boyfriend was arrested a few years ago on charges of possessing child pornography. I tried to look up his whereabouts recently and found that he is in hiding under an assumed name. I don't know what happened to his wife and his sporting goods business.
I think this all pretty much comes under the heading of "avoiding memories".
Most of my memories between 1963 and 2014 are bad ones except for those I share with my husband when it was just the two of us; I display NO photos in my home for that reason except for one studio photo of my husband and myself in my prime. That is a LONG period of time, but I choose to concentrate on the present and what is good in my life.
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