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I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Trade her in on a new model.
Seriously, though, go to Costco or Sam's Club and get a free hearing test. They can tell you if hearing aids would help.
I grew up in a house with two people with moderate hearing loss, my father and my grandmother. I was constantly accused by them of "mumbling." Funny, no one else thought I was mumbling or had any trouble understanding me.
I'm guessing that your wife is NOT mumbling. Why would she "mumble" more when her back is turned than when she is facing you? That makes no sense.
If you own your part (admit your hearing is not good anymore), she may be more willing to accommodate by facing you when speaking, coming into the room where you are instead of speaking from another room, etc. But your insisting that she is the problem and not you is making her angry and defensive.
Actually, it's time for you to get a hearing test. My dad got a hearing aid in his late 60s and it helped a lot. There used to be the strangest stigma attached to hearing aids, people were embarrassed to have one, but they are just like wearing glasses. No one cares if you have a hearing aid, they just care if they can't easily communicate with you. So please go get checked out.
Per the bolded---Yes! My grandmother started going deaf in her early 60s. When I was around her, she always accused me of "mumbling". As I kid, I was very shy and would talk softly. Since I heard that a lot, I made an effort to speak up and speak clearly. So...when my grandmother would accuse me of mumbling, I knew I wasn't doing so. I would feel vindicated if someone else was around at the time and heard me perfectly.
Then I noticed that she started accusing others of mumbling when they weren't. I spoke up and told her she needed to get her hearing checked. She was the type who liked to act helpless so unless someone told her they were taking her to the doctor, she wouldn't go on her own.
One time, when visiting with her, the phone rang. She answered it and I heard her say "You've got the wrong number, Mister.". She told me it was "some drunk" on the phone. It turned out that it was my friend who knew I was there and wanted to talk. Her boyfriend made the call and she said he was speaking loudly and clearly.
Right now, I'm dealing with my husband who doesn't always hear what I say. Years ago, he told me that if we are out walking and I needed to tell him something, that I should turn my head in his direction, which is fair enough. These days, even when we're inside and I turn my head toward him, he doesn't hear. Sometimes, I'm a few feet away and he doesn't hear. I'm getting the "you're mumbling" again
He had his hearing checked some months back. He was told that he couldn't hear certain consonants clearly.
I agree---People don't seem to have a problem getting glasses when they have trouble seeing. Yet, they don't want to get hearing aids. I never did understand that. These days, hearing aids are smaller and some fit in the ear and others don't notice them.
Luis Antonio, please get a hearing test at Costco to see where where your hearing loss stands. They don't push you to buy unlike independent hearing companies. As we age hearing is important to our brains, hearing aids can prevent or slow down mental loss.
The OP lives in Argentina. As far as I can tell, there aren't any Costco stores around.
If I didn't know better, I would think this was my spouse posting this.
That's exactly what amazes me about the web. People from the opposite side of the world, from different background, language and culture, and yet they feel identified because they have similar problems. The world is a village. Today more than ever.
I don't know if it happens to you too. But as you get older, it seems that you are somehow to blame for your own shortcomings. At least for some, like my own wife. I'm already in my late 60s; my wife is 7 years younger. So she's still pretty free of these flaws.
Although it is true that my ears are no longer what they used to be, as well as my vision and my capacity for love, I believe that I am far from being a real deaf person. It happens that she speaks as a mumbler, often when she has her back to me or from another room. But she gets furious when I suggest that she's a big part of the problem, and claims that I'm actually deaf.
Are there other retirees who feel pejoratively treated for their faults?
I think when you married someone seven years younger than you that was sort of a risk you assumed.
I am not deaf, but I've never dealt particularly well with people who don't speak clearly and distinctly. I am fine with a foreign accent. I'm not fine with other Americans who insist on speaking slang and in incomplete sentences. I even used to get after my kids for doing that. As a result, both are capable of carrying on a coherent conversation. Communication is critical to my profession--law--and I wish people cared more about making sure that others understand them.
You need to get your hearing tested. Your wife needs to understand you have some hearing loss now, which seems obvious, and she also must adjust to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xenah
Luis Antonio, both you and your wife would benefit by each of you having your hearing tested. Consider it as determining a baseline.
Look.... last Friday I went to the urologist for the treatment of my prostate. The doctor asked me if I had followed his advice about seeing a gastroenterologist and a cardiologist for a check-up.
Now you folks send me to do a hearing test... I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the doctor: If I have to do all the check-ups that you send me, I should go to the hospital almost every day.
How about renting an apartment right across the street so I avoid all the trips to and from the hospital?
As I told the doctor, if I have to live just to get medical tests, I'd rather die but away from the hospital and all that discomfort.
To make matters worse, today's doctors believe that the patient is divided into parts. The urologist only attends to his part and dissociates himself from other ailments. A person is a whole and not a set of parts.
I have problems with my hearing, similar to yours. I am the same age. Everyone sounds like they are mumbling, especially if they are facing in the other direction. Hearing aids are a big help and I like them a lot. They are tiny and no one can see them; very different from the old style ones.
Yes, it's upsetting that we are treated by doctors as though we are parts rather than a whole person. I certainly understand. But improved hearing makes a huge difference in quality of life! Plus, you can turn the sound up if you need to, so you can hear the other doctors.
Get the tests done, one at a time.
Let's stay healthy as long as we can, Luis. Best wishes to you!
I think when you married someone seven years younger than you that was sort of a risk you assumed.
Well... when we met, she was 21 and I was 28. I mean, she was 3/4 my age. Or 75% of my age if you prefer to put it that way.
Now, she's 61 and I'm 68. I mean, now she's 61/68 = 89% of my age. At this rate, I estimate that in a few years she will catch up with me. And if we live long enough, she'll end up being older than me.
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