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I think most of us have heard the phrase, "mid-life crisis" -- but do you think there is such a thing as an end-of-life crisis?
If so, I think I am in one of those, and I wonder if anyone else can relate.
Yes, I do think that this might be a form of, or a 'cousin' to, depression, but I think it is more likely to be a matter of simply facing facts -- that people in the last quarter of life are almost certainly not going to look really good again or ever be as physically fit as they were when they were 20 (assuming they were a normal healthy 20-year-old), and that they simply don't experience the joy in life to nearly the degree they used to experience it.
Now, please don't misunderstand -- I have had a good life (better than many people, in fact) -- and I am very grateful for all that is good in my life (which is plenty), but I think I am just feeling a little sad in knowing that the best has already occurred as far as my life is concerned, and I don't have anything really great to look forward to, and my "highs" now consist of things like a new book to read or a beautiful sunset or a good meal -- things that I am grateful for, but not exactly much of an incentive to get out of bed.
NO ADVICE WANTED -- I am only wanting to know whether or not I am alone in having the above feelings.
Last edited by katharsis; 03-19-2024 at 11:59 AM..
I totally understand. The most exciting thing I have done in the past 5 years was going to Europe twice but I certainly can’t afford to do it every year plus the flights were exhausting. Sometimes it seems like yesterday although it was 27 years ago that I moved to Reno for my job with the state by myself knowing no one. I was newly divorced and it was a very exciting time.
I would have to say no -- I'm not having those feelings. I have plenty of friends and acquaintances who are my age or older that seem not much affected by their age. (I know some that are 10-15 years younger that I worry about.)
I was talking with a friend last night about our aging forecast -- how things are going and how things have been. He is 74 and I'm 75. We have a few health issues, managed quite well with meds. Neither of us are willing to give up what we like doing. He is an avid bicycle rider. He recently bought an electric bike so he figures he can keep going with that. I still roam around the desert wilderness on my own when the weather is right, and I have the time and inclination. And sometimes a couple other codger buddies go along. My hobby is photography. My doctor told me a couple years ago (at 73) that I might come down with leukemia in about 20 years. I am not too worried about that -- but it might have been a motivation to stay active.
The occasion of last night's conversation was a (belated) birthday celebration for an 85-year-old woman we know. This was at a local brew pub. She gets around on a cane and travels between Texas, California and New Mexico on a yearly cycle, staying with friends and relatives along the way. She is ten years older than me and seems to get around as she pleases. I have a colleague on a foundation Board of Directors who is 91 who is just now starting to slow down. I had no idea she was 91 years old.
Statistically, women live longer than men. My dad died at 76 -- one year away for me. My mom lived to be 85. My brother is 80. My grandparents died relatively young -- I only knew one of them and she died when I was 4. My wife died at 64. So, I'm feeling OK with this aging stuff -- so far. I think we have to stay connected and adapt as we go along.
Rather reminds me of what my Mother told me about old men who are bitter. They don't like the way the world is, they listen to only sources that support their view point, they turn out bitter.
Me: I hope I never become that bitter.
Mom: How can you when you have those two (then) lovely kittens?
A and B. A: My "flight computers" (here, emotional outlooks) won't allow it. Each day, they are working like mad to find me the best possible fit for the day.
B: Mom's philosophy on losing a pet was to go out immediately and get another one because there are always animals out there that need love. I believe that, it is most likely the basis of my concept of environmental stewardism. As long as there i one blade of grass, I have a job to do, a purpose.
..........and then, there is C: When Mom was around and I would complain about things in life, she would respond, "You think you have problems? Imagine being someone who just got their house carpet bombed.". When put that way, it can rather negate one's poor outlook on their life.
Maybe I am not old enough yet, but I have not hit that phase.
I think my joy has been increased with the grandkids. Doing things with them is so uplifting and happy.
I also still have the love of my life, which some of you may not have at this point.
And certainly great neighbors who do things together are a HUGE mood uplifter.
You're not alone. I am about 4 years out from retirement and due to a variety of situations throughout my life, I am not financially prepared and it's terrifying. Also, I start to think about how I now have less years to live than my children are old and that is also terrifying. I am not depressed per se, but thinking more and more about my own mortality, leaving my kids and a world that has not changed for the better, in my opinion.
I think most of us have heard the phrase, "mid-life crisis" -- but do you think there is such a thing as an end-of-life crisis?
If so, I think I am in one of those, and I wonder if anyone else can relate.
Yes, I do think that this might be a form of, or a 'cousin' to, depression, but I think it is more likely to be a matter of simply facing facts -- that people in the last quarter of life are almost certainly not going to look really good again or ever be as physically fit as they were when they were 20 (assuming they were a normal healthy 20-year-old), and that they simply don't experience the joy in life to nearly the degree they used to experience it.
Now, please don't misunderstand -- I have had a good life (better than many people, in fact) -- and I am very grateful for all that is good in my life (which is plenty), but I think I am just feeling a little sad in knowing that the best has already occurred as far as my life is concerned, and I don't have anything really great to look forward to, and my "highs" now consist of things like a new book to read or a beautiful sunset or a good meal -- things that I am grateful for, but not exactly much of an incentive to get out of bed.
NO ADVICE WANTED -- I am only wanting to know whether or not I am alone in having the above feelings.
If this is about you not being able to lose weight (from your other thread) then just go get that obesity drug.
Life is short...too short once you are retired.
FWIW Oprah is having a special on TV about her up and down weight loss journey.
There are definitely challenges and hurdles accompanying each stage of life and in Western culture, old age is not valued and we're trained not to complain or be authentic with our feelings with what's going on in our lives.
We're increasingly alienated in more ways than one (some people have rifts with family members, some no longer drive at night or at all, some have given up travel), etc.
I have never worried about "coping" as much as I have worried recently. Fear is more challenging to overcome than ever before (based on old age combined with world events and the fact that so many people are hanging by a thread since the pandemic). Life is harder now than it ever was before (for me). I just got done with tax prep and have several other "not fun" projects on my list (updating the trust, etc.)
I am using all of the tools in my tool kit to get through each day and hope for the best.
I think you always have to have something to look forward to, and I do think about people who are bed-bound and wonder how they manage emotionally to their plight.
Old age is not for sissies, as they say.
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