Having Difficulty in Richmond (Charlottesville, Orange: cliquey, school, college)

[Frulatti]

Hello Everyone!!

So I moved to Richmond almost a year ago and am having a very difficult time. I visited the city a couple times before I made the move. Granted, I know when you visit a city it is very different from actually living there. I went to school in southwest Virginia (grew up in the Midwest), so I actually came knowing a decent amount of people for being new to a city. When I visited and first came to Richmond I was still in the post college phase of my life. I enjoyed meeting up with friends, venturing out in the Fan, etc. However, after a few months it became really old really fast. I just feel like it is the same crowded bars with the same intoxicated people night after night. Also, everyone stays in their own groups and never venture out to talk to the others around them... unless they already know them. I have also noticed that the vast majority of people I was/am still hanging out with were the same people I already knew when I decided to move here. The amount of new Richmond friends I have made is small... and I am a very outgoing/very social person. I also am entirely over the Fan/Shockoe Bottom nightlife experience. I have been going up to DC and enjoy that scene (martini bars, wine bars, upscale lounges, etc) a lot more. I cannot find these kind of places in Richmond. Do they even exist?!?

My questions are:

Does anyone else feel that Richmond is SUPER cliquey if you are not born and raised here?!
Does anyone else feel that the Richmond nightlife is lacking and/or nonexistent if you are still not into the drunken college scene?!

I have decided I have made the wrong decision and am starting to look for jobs elsewhere. I was just wondering if other people feel this way or if it may just be me. Thank you all for your input!!

[midwesterneratheart]

I have heard it it very cliquey in Richmond, but I don't know if it is any better in DC-it's hard to get to know people there because people are working all the time.

[ocngypz]

Expand yourself. If you don't, it doesn't matter where you live.

Do you have hobbies?

Love music?

What about sports?

The outdoors?

Get involved with things that interest you.

"Working for the weekend" bar scene is no way to live in any city.

[ronyusa]

Any other place will not be any different. Bigger cities like DC, Boston etc. will probably have more bars and more people to meet simply because of the huge size, but ultimately it really boils down to you no matter where you are. You have to venture away from meeting people only at bars. How about some outdoor activities, taking up hiking, biking, kayaking etc.? You are far more likely to make lasting friends and meaningful relationships with people that you share common interest(s) with (besides drinking cocktails at a bar). Meetup.com would be a good start, lots of new in town, nightlife and adventure groups there.

Best wishes.

[DMG721]

I understand where you're coming from, OP. I actually had the opposite experience in Richmond --- I made lots of friends there and found it much more laid back than uptight old DC --- but I totally get how different people can have entirely different experiences in the same places. I've noticed that a lot of people on these forums tend to overlook that. They tend to assume that a person is doing something wrong if they don't have 50 friends. What people don't understand is that, depending on the interests and personality of an each individual, someone who makes friends easily in one type of community might have a harder time doing so in another type of community.

Like I said, my experience was the opposite of yours. I found DC bars to be full of snotty, overworked people, and the women in those bars generally kept their backs to the rest of the crowd while they sat at the bar with a scowl on their face, talking to their girlfriends about work. Everything was work, work, work in DC. When I moved to Richmond, I was so happy to find people who just wanted to live life and who left their work at the office! The girls seemed friendly and eager to get to know new guys.

But I can see how that scene might get old after awhile, especially since living in Richmond usually means picking a few bars that you like and going to those same few places all the time. Also, you're right that the crowd trends younger, and definitely contains a lot of college students. So I would say that you might actually find DC refreshing due to all the young professionals. Just be prepared for a lot of super intense types of people who think that working 60 hours a week is too little :-)

[richmondpics]

Having you looked into getting on a kickball, dodgeball, etc team through River City Sports & Social Club?

[steven r.]

I have to agree that the bars scene isn't such a great place to perhaps meet new people but I do see you're point on trying to make new friends, it does seem hard, case in point: I relocated to Virginia when my wife graduaed frm college 7 years ago. I really like the city of Richmond but live in a little town called Orange Virgina, outside of Charlottesville. I was originally born an raised in New York but my parents moved me south when I was 14 an I'm now 41, I've been in the south for a long time now so I don't think it's a yankee thing. I'm married, go to school in Richmond @JSR, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't hang out in bars. So where in this beautiful state can I make new friends? I have no idea.

[Archguy]

Online

[steven r.]

Online is where all my New York friends live, technically facebook. However I wanna get out and meet people, go for coffee, talk about the weather, take a walk in the park on a fall day. YOU CAN'T DO THAT ONLINE!!! LOL...

[Archguy]

But seriously, I make a point of eating outdoors at restaurants along public sidewalks.
You might be surprised at how many people you can meet that way.



Meanwhile you can also do offline things with people you meet online, right?