Please help. I'm nervous and scared to have my kids live with discrimination and subsequent low self esteem (Virginia Beach: house, neighborhoods)

[WeNeedLife]

Hello!

Thank you all in advance to responding to my post. I am a mid 30's woman considering a move to Richmond. I am black and are married to a black man and have black kids. I received a job offer in Richmond but I'm having anxiety, nervousness and panic about experiencing racism, segregation, terror, indifference and lack of acceptance. My biggest fear is for my kids. I experienced persistent racism when I was younger and had to undergo several years of therapy to love my dark skin. I want to avoid similar encounters for my kids. My house budget is $200-500K depending on the house, area, community and diversity. Which suburbs would you recommend for diversity and inclusion, friendliness, family outings, pool, community feel, restaurants and shops? Also, would you recommend that a black family moves to Richmond or is the area to segregated without black acceptance? We are a highly educated couple with income of $300k yearly. I want to do what's best for our kids and not cause another family move to prevent psychological harm. Please help. Any input is greatly appreciated.

[snatale1]

You're forcing yourself to worry about nonsense. Stop watching mainstream media. There's isn't a race war, nobody cares what color your skin is! This isn't the 50s! Just because an extreme minority in this country are morons doesn't mean anything. There is absolutely NO shortage of interracial couples, black people in white neighborhoods, white people in black neighborhoods etc. Nobody cares! I'm in Western Henrico (Glen Allen) and literally EVERYBODY lives here! No issues. I'd personally stay out of of the city proper, go with Henrico or Chesterfield. I'm biased towards Henrico clearly. I've lived in this area for 10yrs now and I've yet to EVER see or experience any issues related to race. Given you have a healthy income I'd say Glen Allen / Short Pump area. Nice stereotype burbs, real good schools, tons of shopping, still close to the city if you need that.

[spencer114]

Richmond is not at all hostile towards black people.
Until recently it was a majority black city. The mayor and much of city council is black.
There are lots of black owned businesses and the city is one of the best in the country for African Americans with regard to income potential, educational attainment and business ownership.

There’s a large nerdy, artsy and counter-culture black population here too (it is mostly young but very visible). The community is very politically active and has very strong allies in the white hipster community. That’s what you’re seeing on the news. It’s actually a very positive experience. I live in the middle of the civil unrest at the moment. The community spirit is very high and the participation from all races and age groups has been very encouraging to me. As I mentioned earlier, there is a lot of activism here but it isn’t necessarily in response to an oppressive atmosphere. Black people here are empowered to make the changes necessary in their lives and that’s a good thing, IMO.

Come visit. It’s a beautiful city that is very integrated. The cultural institutions are extremely “woke”. Check out the VMFA and the ICA to see where the focus on the future is. There are tons of black college students and young professionals and CEO’s of large companies.

I’m white, so I can only speak to my experience interacting with the black community (and I live in a historically and predominantly black neighborhood downtown, Jackson Ward). There has been no hostility directed towards me Over the last 30 years and all of my interactions with merchants and neighbors has been very pleasant. I assume that is because they aren’t under a lot of stress themselves.

[spencer114]

For suburbs, you’ve got a good housing budget and could live comfortable in any area.
Short Pump has the best combination of diversity and affluence. Middle and upper class black families live there alongside a cosmopolitan population. The schools are great and there are community pools and fitness centers (obviously).

Try Twin Hickory and Wyndham (they may be in Glenn Allen but that area is all Short Pump to me). If you live here long enough to be become an empty nester (or if you can afford private school for the children) move into the Fan.

[joe5]

Originally Posted by snatale1

You're forcing yourself to worry about nonsense. Stop watching mainstream media. There's isn't a race war, nobody cares what color your skin is! This isn't the 50s! Just because an extreme minority in this country are morons doesn't mean anything. .

Insert roaring applause here Someone else gets it, thank you. The click-bait media has this country hypnotized with their ridiculous BS.

However I very much disagree with staying out of the city, it's revitalized a lot and continues to do more. Henrico is great too. Personally I would avoid much of Glen Allen and west end/Short Pump area, but that's me. Unless you love traffic lights, the always-congested Broad St and overpriced strip mall junk. IMO just south of town is also extremely underrated..Chester and the like. I didn't realize until I visited friends there recently. I'm looking there myself. Plus you're that much closer to Hampton Roads (Norfolk Virginia Beach etc).

My only caveat would be I hope you don't mind hearing people blast their music a lot because it's all the rage here (I'm sure we aren't the only area just FYI). In their yard, their homes, their cars...you can't go long without some village idiot THUMP THUMP THUMPing away, even in nicer areas.

Also I think it's an unofficial law that you have to drive slow in the left lane and hold people up behind you, but I'm sure we aren't the only area with those rocket scientists either!

[Parnassia]

You won't do them any favors by keeping them wrapped in cotton. Teach them how to shed garbage like water off a duck's back. Correct me if I'm wrong, but kids develop most of their self esteem at a very early age (before they're exposed to a lot of societal pressure) from savvy, loving parents who take their responsibilities seriously. Amazing what kids can dismiss or stand up to if they know someone at home always has their back. Don't raise them to be victims. Don't raise them to be vicious.

[ReadyForWhatsNext]

I wish I could offer something other than my empathy. I would think the best strategy might be to locate the top 3 black or African-American realtors in metro Richmond that you like and can relate to. Size them up so that you know they understand your concerns and your values. Find someone who isn't in it just for the commission. Then let their years of experience help you sort this out.

As part of a Gay couple (though not black) my feeling on the issue is that it gets old sometimes always knowing that we are the minority. We've always been the one Gay couple in the building, or the one Gay couple on the street. A certain percentage disapprove or foist their biases upon you. Who needs that!? So for that reason, I think it would be comforting and provide for a certain sense of freedom, to move into the most affluent neighborhood you can that is majority black or one with a sizable minority/black population. Demographics will sort this out for you. Are you really sure that Richmond is right for you and your family????

I stress the most affluent neighborhood that you are comfortable with, because I believe you want to keep your kids in an environment that values education, striving, living ones best life. Surrounding your kids with upwardly mobile peers with inclusiveness and a variety of interests. Heck I'll probably get push-back for this but I'd be a hypocrite for suggesting otherwise... I'd never encourage someone I care for to move to an area that would put their children under any negative influence where they might be exposed to elements that were going to lead them astray.

Lastly, someone earlier said no one cares about skin color and we know that's not true. Most people put us in boxes and categories and that's human nature. I appreciate all of the issues you are trying to sort out so you can make the best decision. I wish you only success and happiness. All the best!

[WeNeedLife]

Originally Posted by ReadyForWhatsNext

I wish I could offer something other than my empathy. I would think the best strategy might be to locate the top 3 black or African-American realtors in metro Richmond that you like and can relate to. Size them up so that you know they understand your concerns and your values. Find someone who isn't in it just for the commission. Then let their years of experience help you sort this out.

As part of a Gay couple (though not black) my feeling on the issue is that it gets old sometimes always knowing that we are the minority. We've always been the one Gay couple in the building, or the one Gay couple on the street. A certain percentage disapprove or foist their biases upon you. Who needs that!? So for that reason, I think it would be comforting and provide for a certain sense of freedom, to move into the most affluent neighborhood you can that is majority black or one with a sizable minority/black population. Demographics will sort this out for you. Are you really sure that Richmond is right for you and your family????

I stress the most affluent neighborhood that you are comfortable with, because I believe you want to keep your kids in an environment that values education, striving, living ones best life. Surrounding your kids with upwardly mobile peers with inclusiveness and a variety of interests. Heck I'll probably get push-back for this but I'd be a hypocrite for suggesting otherwise... I'd never encourage someone I care for to move to an area that would put their children under any negative influence where they might be exposed to elements that were going to lead them astray.

Lastly, someone earlier said no one cares about skin color and we know that's not true. Most people put us in boxes and categories and that's human nature. I appreciate all of the issues you are trying to sort out so you can make the best decision. I wish you only success and happiness. All the best!

Thank you for caring. I can only imagine what it feels like being the only gay couple. That feeling sucks. I would not want my kids to experience that in reference to color or sexual orientation. You asked a good point which is" Are you really sure that Richmond is right for you and your family?". I am thinking a lot about that. And I just don't know where I am learning. I agree with finding the most affluent neighborhood that is majority black or has a good sized minority population. That is my goal. I appreciate your reply. Thank you greatly for replying. This will be a tough decision.

[WeNeedLife]

Originally Posted by Parnassia

You won't do them any favors by keeping them wrapped in cotton. Teach them how to shed garbage like water off a duck's back. Correct me if I'm wrong, but kids develop most of their self esteem at a very early age (before they're exposed to a lot of societal pressure) from savvy, loving parents who take their responsibilities seriously. Amazing what kids can dismiss or stand up to if they know someone at home always has their back. Don't raise them to be victims. Don't raise them to be vicious.

Very True. I am doing this. At the same time, I do not need them to experience negativity that can be prevented by simply having a different living arrangement. Painful words and unnecessary hurt may lead to preventable trauma. I want to avoid that at all costs. I greatly appreciate your input.

[WeNeedLife]

Originally Posted by spencer114

Richmond is not at all hostile towards black people. Until recently it was a.....

Thank you for this. This is very informational. I appreciate it!!