Money vs Happiness - Is it worth staying 9 more months. (San Francisco: college, living in)

[SocSciProf]

Originally Posted by JJonesIII

I would not anticipate things turning around on the "miserability factor" any time soon (there's a reason you're miserable).

But it also doesn't sound like you have a specific job lined up yet, correct? So what would be the point of not hanging in there if you have nothing to go to? Prepping for interviews would certainly take up some of that time but the real conundrum is what do you do if someone makes you a job offer in the next couple of months? Most employers are not going to wait 7 months for you. I feel your pain though. 9 months can feel like an eternity if you're miserable (and the weather in San Francisco is certainly not going to help you there...it's almost as depressing as Seattle). I'm not sure I'd waste my time trying to meet someone either if you're just planning on leaving anyway. So what can you do solo? Certainly there are books/podcasts, online courses if any interest you, you could try and learn a musical instrument, movies, join a health club that's not too expensive (since it appears you're trying to save money), volunteer at an animal shelter and walk some dogs, and finally there are a few posters here that if you pick an argument with will go on for at least 100 pages with you and that will certainly waste a lot of time.

I cannot tell you what you should do here to be happier, because I don't know what you like. Hiking energizes some, and depresses others. Dancing sparks some, and paralyzes others.

What I CAN say is that if I were in your situation, I would start trying to meet people (or even a special someone) in the place I hoped to move to in nine months. I'd get on online dating sites and look at people in the new place, not people here. I'd download event calendars from the new place to see what's happening, ideally things where people mingle and meet, not sit down and watch something (like a concert--though, people might mingle in intermissions). I'd travel there once a month to go to such events and have coffee with any people I happen to meet online, and pretty much make that my social life. If any co-workers ask, I'm just visiting friends out of town.

[marcopolo666]

Originally Posted by JoeSmow

Completely agree. I have no idea why people are recommending that he does. It's 9 months. Why would you do that?

Uh, because he said "Long story short, I'm living in an area of SF that I am not happy with to save $$ on rent. I don't have any family or friends here. ". Two things to change the previous is (1) move to a place you are happy with, and (2) meet people. Either (or both) might change how happy he is here (since those are the two things he called out, specifically, as being problems).

[Ceece]

I hate seeing people miserable but $90k will change your life.

My dad and grandpa worked jobs (sometimes multiple) for YEARS, with no end in site, because they had families to support. I know my dad got lucky and made a career switch and was happier after that, but I'm not sure my grandpa ever was. He was born in a time where you did what you had to to in order to eat, even dirty manual labor. You have some options, you are living and working in a place people would kill for. Find a way to make it work, it's a skill you desperately need.

Millennials, sometimes I just wanna shake them.

[ryanthegoldengod]

Originally Posted by usamathman

Hello Everyone,

Would like to get your opinion.

Moved to Bay Area four months ago for new job. Wasn't excited at all about moving to SF. Had visited off and on and really didn't like the place. Decided to suck it up and make the move a few months back. Plan was to do 1.5-2 years, save money and pay off debt.

Long story short, I'm living in an area of SF that I am not happy with to save $$ on rent. I don't have any family or friends here. Don't drink or smoke. Mainly spend my weekends at home or renting a zipcar and riding around different parts of the city. Every once in a while I'll check out a music show. Honestly feel very out of place here in SF.

The Pros
My current job is in tech (like almost everyone else). If I can make it 8 more months on the job, I am due a yearly bonus and stock that would equal around $90k before taxes. This payout after taxes would be enough to pay off my student loan debts and allow me to start fresh. The savings from my base would be enough to have a nice emergency fund as well.

The problem is, I literally get depressed every time I think about having to stay another 8 months in SF.

I've spent hours trying to think through as many strategies as I could to help me cope with the idea of staying here through the 1 year mark.

1. Move to Lake Merritt area
2. Find a woman to keep me company
3. Take a weekend trip out of the city every month

But I always come back to the same thoughts of wanting to get out of here.

I'm currently interviewing for a couple of gigs that would pay a comparable base salary and allow me to live in a more ideal city. However there would be no big bonus or stock payouts, which means it would take at least another 5 years to pay off loans.

Wondering what your thoughts are on my situation. Do you think the allure of big payout is worth sacrificing happiness to stay in SF?

Any direction is great.

You said you have no family or friends in SF. Guessing that's 95 percent of the problem. Try to meet some new people!

[davdaven]

You should stay and put yourself into a good financial position.

Anecdote: I moved to San Jose after college, and once I got in the swing of things, I realized that I absolutely HATED living in San Jose. No friends, no family, and San Jose lacked (still lacks, honestly) much of anything of note to occupy my time out of work. So I made an effort to meet people, got a car, and made weekend trips to San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Monterey, etc. I still hated San Jose, but after 2 long, miserable years, I was able to switch jobs and move out of the South Bay. Plus I had paid off my student loan, owned a car, and had saved some cash. Been relatively happy since. And those 2 years felt long at the time, but now 2 years goes by like that *snaps fingers* and it's just a distant memory.

Your action plan: Don't quit your job, yo. Financial freedom is a huge deal! But yeah, SF sucks these days. Full of 20-something computer programmers with no culture. It's a real shame what's happened there over the past 10 years. Plus it's always cold and foggy in SF, which is a real bummer if you come from a nice place like me (born and raised in San Diego). I enjoyed my time in Potrero Hill, but I also lived in the mid-Richmond and Outer Sunset and hated them. Quiet, boring, crappy weather 24/7 except 3 days a year. So if you're not feeling it, you should move. Go to the East Bay. Oakland has its pluses and minuses, and BART is annoying AF. So you should try to live somewhere close-ish to the ferry, either in Oakland (Jack London Square) or Alameda. Alameda's pretty chill, and has a very different vibe than SF. Might be more your speed. Plus Oakland is *right there* without having to put up with lame Oakland problems like getting your stuff stolen or people mugging you. You should be able to find a rental for under a year without too much heartache. So with your living situation squared away, you'll have time to meet some people. Go to a Meetup. There are tons of them around, from happy hours to hikes. The East Bay ones are a little more fun because the SF ones tend to be populated by people like you. In any event, don't get a girl. Strings attached and before you know it you'll be stuck here forever. Feel free to Tinder your heart out if you're good looking and don't mind an STD here or there; it's hard to catch feelings in that app. Good luck!

[oping00]

Dude I would love to be in your position. Tech job in SF and extra money coming in.
I like northern Cal and theres plenty to do and see.

[marcopolo666]

BTW, OP has a habit of asking for job advice (new job, new manager, switch teams, etc) and then disappearing.

[MrJester]

Right there in the same boat with you, OP! An electrical engineering student at Davis, originally from Irvine, who wants to move out of crazy California and to the Southeast quick! And I have been at Davis for over a year now, only five more months and I'll be scott free of this dreaded place called NorCal! I have no family nor friends here in Davis either!

Ride through it for nine months, like I'm doing for two years, and then go to Austin or Raleigh or somewhere nice and cheap in the Southeast with wonderful scenery and nature. With that hefty bonus, you'll be able to live like a king in the South! Just go on Google street view and take a virtual tour of wherever you want to go to during these nine months!

[MrJester]

Originally Posted by ryanthegoldengod

You said you have no family or friends in SF. Guessing that's 95 percent of the problem. Try to meet some new people!

Easier said than done in a place like SF. People keep to themselves and are very insular. Been at Davis for over a year and still don't have a single friend. Could only be worse in San Fran, with the hours he's working.

OP, having family or friends nearby isn't everything. I grew up as an only child, with all my extended family in Hong Kong. Not a single aunt, cousin, or uncle or grandparent lived within a 7000 mile radius of where I lived. I always felt like the odd kid at school, the odd kid among my relatives, etc. But I'm learning to come to grips with it. Sometimes it's not being physically close to family or friends that matters. I'm sure you're a wonderful, responsible guy, and it's not your fault that you're lonely. So don't try to hard too resist the loneliness. Just accept it as something you can't change for these nine months.The most important thing in life is not relationships but your physical and financial health. So ride it out for nine months and become debt free!

After you get out of San Fran I'm sure you'll move to a place with friendlier neighbors, and probably a better dating scene, and cheaper housing, lower taxes, better weather, etc. Think of these nine months as your ticket to heaven. Ride out these nine months, and you can have (almost) everything you desire. If you quit now, it will take a lot longer.

[MrJester]

Originally Posted by Ceece

I hate seeing people miserable but $90k will change your life.

My dad and grandpa worked jobs (sometimes multiple) for YEARS, with no end in site, because they had families to support. I know my dad got lucky and made a career switch and was happier after that, but I'm not sure my grandpa ever was. He was born in a time where you did what you had to to in order to eat, even dirty manual labor. You have some options, you are living and working in a place people would kill for. Find a way to make it work, it's a skill you desperately need.

Millennials, sometimes I just wanna shake them.

This is true. We Millennials have drank that "follow your passion" kool aid. Face it, you can't be happy if you can't pay your bills, either.