Is there anyone who isn't so RUDE? How to make friends? :/ (Seattle: transplants, how much)
Seattle areaSeattle and King County Suburbs
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Alright I'm so sick of the years and years of having no friends. Sorry if this comes off as a semi rant but people here are so absolutely rude it's sickening. My boyfriend and I moved from a crappy smaller town we lived in years ago and I never had friends there either because I'm shy and on top of that I couldn't connect to anyone in an opinions/interests based sense. Well here now (from what I've gotten the impression of anyway) there's the latter but the people! Ugh. It's like highschool all over again. Everyone's so outwardly cold. I don't care what anyone says, the Seattle Freeze EXISTS.
Let me tell you exactly what I'm talking about. Ok once again I am shy. Not a total introvert but not even close to being any extrovert. I warm up as I get to know you more. I do manage to muster a "good morning", "what's up", or a smile, whatever. I just want to be seen as nice and be treated well. Everyone else here looks and acts like they're lost inside of their own brain or something. My greetings and courtesies get shrugged off every time. In fact, my boyfriend and I have both had multiple experiences of speaking to someone like casually asking/commenting on something beyond just a "hello", as in expecting a response, where the person definitely knew they were being spoken to. Then guess what... silent treatment! If not worse, by topping it all off with an extra serving of rudeness. A good example would be a time my boyfriend described, once casually asking someone about some place he had never been before and the lady proceeded to roll her eyes at him and pointed to her headphones and turned away from him without a word.
We have also been given the whole "leave Seattle, we HATE transplants" thing (even though many people are transplants anyway). We were literally even worse outcasts where we were living before, so that annoys me extra much. Then another thing I'm sick of hearing. I see this time and again posted on some Seattle thing online when some poor person is trying to find out something about the city from someone who lives here only to get "ewww Seattle sucks, you won't like it here, stay away". What is everyone, some 10 year old bully? Acting like they have a toy they want to keep all to themselves? It's no surprise we never get any sort of good natured people here.
Everyone's way too judgmental about stupid irrelevant stuff. There is no "good enough" or no "yeah we aren't 100% alike, that's fine". Even if you can manage to barely tap the ice, they will only care about how you dress, what job you have, how much money you make, and if you don't give them the most absolute snobbiest, elitist answer for all of those questions they won't have anything to do with you.
It seems a bit easier to manage conversation with people online which is why I've turned somewhere like here. But problem is, if you start talking to someone it eventually gets to this point of "we should hangout sometime" and you never hear from them again. Or if you say just the wrong thing, despite all other things the person has claimed to like about you. I have been blatantly treated badly by locals online too. Example: if you ever bring up the fact that you're of legal age and don't drink, you're a subject of mockery, all your other interests and your status as a human being are now irrelevant. Won't it just be ok for a non-drinker like me to go to (insert event with optional drinking here) and have something non-alcoholic? My boyfriend (a drinker who respects my decisions) is totally ok with that. Everyone else? LOL NEVER.
Don't get me wrong, Seattle is a beautiful city. Aside from the terrible populous, I love absolutely everything else about it. My boyfriend and I are set on living out the rest of our lives here even if we remain eachothers' only friend, for the city alone. But what is wrong with everyone?! I need answers, is there anyone else besides us who's nice and reasonable?!
Some of us enjoy being lost inside our minds. Where else could somebody like us go where there's a city with great views, gentle climate, access to nature, and job opportunities while having the luxury of not being pestered by a bunch of annoying/unwanted people 24/7?
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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It's definitely going to be harder for people that are shy, wherever you are. People that listen to headphones do not like to be interrupted by well-meaning strangers, they should be taken as a "do not disturb" sign. I have been taking the bus to work and back now for two years and have made many new friends waiting for the bus. Not as many at 6:00am though we do exchange pleasantries, however in the afternoon in the bus tunnel at Westlake I chat daily with people from their early 20s up to 60s. My suggestion for you is to get into a group that shares a common interest. Most people make good friends when they have kids in school, by meeting other parents in PTA, school events and youth sports. Younger ones make friends in school. The hardest is for those in between that come here as a young adult. Think of something that you enjoy doing and join, whether a bowling league, adult softball or soccer, car club, or whatever. You can also take low cost or free classes in city or community college adult education in something you find fun such as art, and meet people with common interests.
It's definitely going to be harder for people that are shy, wherever you are. People that listen to headphones do not like to be interrupted by well-meaning strangers, they should be taken as a "do not disturb" sign. I have been taking the bus to work and back now for two years and have made many new friends waiting for the bus. Not as many at 6:00am though we do exchange pleasantries, however in the afternoon in the bus tunnel at Westlake I chat daily with people from their early 20s up to 60s. My suggestion for you is to get into a group that shares a common interest. Most people make good friends when they have kids in school, by meeting other parents in PTA, school events and youth sports. Younger ones make friends in school. The hardest is for those in between that come here as a young adult. Think of something that you enjoy doing and join, whether a bowling league, adult softball or soccer, car club, or whatever. You can also take low cost or free classes in city or community college adult education in something you find fun such as art, and meet people with common interests.
Totally agree with this. The best way to meet people is to pursue interests you already have whether it's hiking, organic gardening, cross country skiing, astronomy, photography, cooking or learning French. If you take the pressure off yourselves with regard to "meeting friends" and just pursue the interest, friends will follow. This winter, we attended one of the those REI survival classes with the zombie theme (they pretend it's about zombies but it's more like earthquake preparedness, getting lost or injured while hiking, etc.) We thought it might be fun and learn a little something and it was. Everyone was laughing and cracking jokes the whole evening (and some seemed really concerned about zombies - I'm worried about them). The point being, in any group of people who are a bit shy or introverted, it's easy to forget about that if they're focused on something else.
Well Ms. Null, I do have to agree with you in a lot of respects. However, I find a lot of the coldness and snobbery in Seattle is more common among women in Seattle. For some reason, they just seem to have an attitude that they are the most important people in the universe. I have on several occasions tried to ask a question to women walking by on the street to only get ignored or receive the passive aggressive look of death. However, I must say I have found the men I have encountered in Seattle to be polite and gentleman like. I've had many encounters where people would take a few minutes to help me with questions of where to find a restaurant, coffee shop, etc. There has been on a couple occasions a few guys I tried talking to who would just ignore me, as well, usually too occupied with their smartphones.
However, the Seattle Freeze is Real.. I wrote this short poem about it.. I am still working on the poem, it is not finished, but I wonder if any others can identify with how I felt. This poem obviously doesn't apply to all the people, but it just an overall feeling I have of the coldness and introvert-nature of people in Seattle, as a whole.
Wasteland of Perishing Souls
By RotseCherut
A wasteland of perishing souls..
Those who do not see, feel or hear
Their thoughts are delusions and none care
And their hearts are bitter cold
Whom do they love, none of them knows.
In this living grave, they waste away night and day..
There is no sun, nor a moon
The stars do not sparkle in the night
There is no darkness and no light
Clouds fill the cold, grey empty sky
I look into the eyes of one of these living dead..
Eyes so black, more charred than coal.
What is it, that you see, with your solemn stare?
Are you filled with spite or filled with fear?
Oh I know the answer they say, whom really knows and who cares?
- Have you tried the meet-up groups? It doesn't sound like you've tried that.
- Hoping to befriend someone on the streets generally isn't the way to go.
- Who cares about judgmental people? You will always have that, no matter what. Just go on with your life.
- The alcohol thing where everyone mocks you? To me that sounds like you're around bunch of young people (like, under 24yrs). I grew up here and I've never seen anyone get ripped for being tee-totalar. The response generally is bemused and lots of questions.
You know you can only change yourself and mentality/approach. Obviously your shyness is not working for you. Perhaps you should look into classes that are meant to help people overcome shyness and such. There's really no need to take offense if someone else (especially one you're not familiar with) turns out to be a jerk. Just move on and look for other people.
Well Ms. Null, I do have to agree with you in a lot of respects. However, I find a lot of the coldness and snobbery in Seattle is more common among women in Seattle. For some reason, they just seem to have an attitude that they are the most important people in the universe. I have on several occasions tried to ask a question to women walking by on the street to only get ignored or receive the passive aggressive look of death. However, I must say I have found the men I have encountered in Seattle to be polite and gentleman like. I've had many encounters where people would take a few minutes to help me with questions of where to find a restaurant, coffee shop, etc. There has been on a couple occasions a few guys I tried talking to who would just ignore me, as well, usually too occupied with their smartphones.
However, the Seattle Freeze is Real.. I wrote this short poem about it.. I am still working on the poem, it is not finished, but I wonder if any others can identify with how I felt. This poem obviously doesn't apply to all the people, but it just an overall feeling I have of the coldness and introvert-nature of people in Seattle, as a whole.
Wasteland of Perishing Souls
By RotseCherut
A wasteland of perishing souls..
Those who do not see, feel or hear
Their thoughts are delusions and none care
And their hearts are bitter cold
Whom do they love, none of them knows.
In this living grave, they waste away night and day..
There is no sun, nor a moon
The stars do not sparkle in the night
There is no darkness and no light
Clouds fill the cold, grey empty sky
I look into the eyes of one of these living dead..
Eyes so black, more charred than coal.
What is it, that you see, with your solemn stare?
Are you filled with spite or filled with fear?
Oh I know the answer they say, whom really knows and who cares?
I agree that meet ups and groups are the way to go. I am an introvert and people probably think I'm unfriendly and rude. I don't try to be, I'm just kind of overwhelmed with life right now. People in Seattle work LONG hours, I bet they don't have much free time and if they do, they just want to squeeze in some family time. It is hard to make friends as adults. At a meet up, group (or even a church) you are likely to find more people who really want to socialize actively.
A wasteland of perishing souls..
Those who do not see, feel or hear
Their thoughts are delusions and none care
And their hearts are bitter cold
Whom do they love, none of them knows.
In this living grave, they waste away night and day..
There is no sun, nor a moon
The stars do not sparkle in the night
There is no darkness and no light
Clouds fill the cold, grey empty sky
I look into the eyes of one of these living dead..
Eyes so black, more charred than coal.
What is it, that you see, with your solemn stare?
Are you filled with spite or filled with fear?
Oh I know the answer they say, whom really knows and who cares?
This is awesome
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