What is it like to never marry? (chicken, oil, well)

[HomeIsWhere...]

I have been married but I am merely offering a reply. With all due respect kudos to all of you for the sheer honesty of your insights (or so it seems to me anyway). I will suppose that is the culmination of your maturity and for taking responsibility for your choices regardless of regrets ( if there are any).

[Nonesuch]

Of my friends and coworkers, I only know one who has been married and didn't regret his first marriage.

Some guys later divorced and stayed single, some remarried and it stuck the second time, but all but one had a really horrible and expensive first marriage.

Originally Posted by otterhere

On the contrary, I would say this DOES belong under "self-sufficiency," since you definitely have to be self-sufficient to remain single all your life! I have, and no regrets (I've been in long-term committed relationships, one decades long, but never felt the need for the paperwork; I've also had long periods of being alone).

Or at least comfortable making your own decisions.

I've got close friends, but being single ultimately means you don't have somebody else to outsource difficult choices to -- you can bounce ideas off friends and family, but ultimately any choice is yours alone.

Originally Posted by bigbioman23

I kinda like the idea of just living on my own and taking care of myself without having to worry about anyone else.

In terms of self-sufficiency and preparedness, this can be great -- if I want to install a new generator, repaint the bedroom, or plow under the side flower beds to plant vegetables, I just do it (or hire it out), nobody to ask permission of, no debate, no drama.

[Electrician4you]

Originally Posted by bigbioman23

I'm not sure if this is the right group to ask this question on, but has anyone here never married? If so, what is it like to be single your whole life? Are you happy you did it or do you regret it? I am only 25 years old, but I feel like I don't ever want to marry. It just seems like women are such a huge commitment, and I don't think I want to make that commitment. I kinda like the idea of just living on my own and taking care of myself without having to worry about anyone else.

The biggest difference is WHO you marry. It can either be great or make you wish you were single.

It’s really on you. Are you the type who likes a different flavor every week, or can you eat the same pizza for years regardless of what it tastes like week to week.

Fir me being married is great. My wife is a great woman and we don’t have many issues. We get along. If I was single I’m still the sane person as I am when married. As far as commitment yeah that’s what marriage is. If you aren’t the committed type...stay single. You and she (whoever she is) will be happier not being together

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by Nonesuch

Of my friends and coworkers, I only know one who has been married and didn't regret his first marriage.

Some guys later divorced and stayed single, some remarried and it stuck the second time, but all but one had a really horrible and expensive first marriage.

LOL. Well that for sure is not the experience MY ex had. Jesus. He could not have gotten off any easier than he did. All my doing because I did not want our split to have any further impact on our son that it already had. Know that there are lots of people that split up, and things go quite well for the guy.

[Nonesuch]

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

Know that there are lots of people that split up, and things go quite well for the guy.

I suspect this varies by region, culture, and generation.

For example, all the divorces I'm thinking of predate the change to state law in which lawmakers eliminated the option to file a fault divorce; today the state limits spouses to filing a no-fault divorce.

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by Nonesuch

I suspect this varies by region, culture, and generation.

For example, all the divorces I'm thinking of predate the change to state law in which lawmakers eliminated the option to file a fault divorce; today the state limits spouses to filing a no-fault divorce.

We had no issues with "fault". He was an a-hole,, but I wanted things to be easy rather than hard. So I made it easy for him.

[LaKings55]

Originally Posted by Blondebaerde

Try being single another ten years. If it suits you, stick with it. It suited me, and ten years go by, and I'm way happier. Now I'm reasonably wealthy and spend all that on me, not some woman and brats for whom I'd be the retirement or college education payment plan. Nuh uh.

You Sir are where I want to be in 20 years. I've been single (early 30s) since 2015 with a few dates and hookups since. Frankly, I just know deep in my heart that I'm not a relationship person. I like making my money, playing my guitar, riding my snowboard and taking my dog on adventures. Life on easy mode. Frankly, I've reached the point where I don't even care about the hookups. A cold shower helps kill any urges.

[Ultrarunner]

Some amazing families with amazing kids...

I guess it comes to chance...

I see couples married 50, 60 and 70+ years every month and it can be very awe inspiring to see a 70 year married couple come in hand in hand and not because they can't walk alone...

Health is always the wild card...

[ciceropolo]

Probably will depend on a few contextual variables.

Your immediate family experience from your "parents/guardians" i.e what you saw firsthand.
The outlook toward marriage those in family imparted to you.
Your desire to fit some cultural religious expectation

Your idealized view of marriage you desire - especially in your prime 'marriage' years.
Your desire to have children.
Your ability to determine whether the relationship experiences you may have at this point in your life have lead you to believe being 'married' under the construct of a religious belief or societal belief will make you 'feel' more fulfilled having a partner.

It may go through an evolution based upon the above variables. I'll give mine for another perspective.

Raised in conservative religious upbringing with great parents who were married for 53 years. The 'advice' given to me was it is better to be single than married to the wrong person. Don't get married to keep up with your peers, rather, get married when you find someone who shares your values.

I always thought I'd be married in my 30s. I dated most from my mid 20s to early 40s. When I started to see some of my peers and the relationships they had with wives I realized I didn't care for certain aspects. I like my freedom and I try to avoid drama.

When I worked in some environments I was given a few insights from older women. In one workplace in my late 20s a nice older black woman pointed out I was too picky. In my early 30s, a woman about 10-15 years my senior at a law firm said I reminded her of a 1940s guy. By time I was late 30s I took a 'who cares' attitude. If I came across someone I was interested in I'd pursue a potential relationship. If they were not interested, I move on. While I would have liked to have found a female partner for life, most every one I was attracted too which I perceived as marriage material was already married or in a relationship.

Then there is the 'timing' element of when you may meet someone and what point / stage in their life cycle outlook toward marriage they are at that time. The few I would approach were not looking. At some point you realize it's not all its made out to be. Sometimes you can get the family fix 'feel' with extended family. I have lots of nieces and nephews and I have been blessed to be active in their lives for over 30 years now. So for me, it has been one of my biggest outlets in the desire to have kids factor as to why some seek marriage.

Then it depends on what you may encounter over the course of dating. The best candidates IMO both moved away and subsequently married and had families. You just don't know what may come along. Sometimes women gave me the sense they were just showing me off to their friends.


So, what is it like to never marry?
Well, I enjoy my freedom, I have seen a lot of the world I wanted to see, and I have been blessed to get the parent / guardian fix due to extended family. When I meet a woman I like, I still ask them out to try to get to know them better and see where things go from there.


I'm reminded of an old time joke (as a 1940's guy). When told (by Bud Abbott, the straight man in the comedy team) that marriage is a commitment and an institution, the other (Lou Costello) replies: but I don't wanna be committed in an institution!

[Jewel City Joe]

To those who feel trapped in a marriage that they have been in too long or those trapped in singledom
for too long deprived of relationships:

"Better the certainty of misery, than the misery of uncertainty"