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I could really use some advice. Like many of you I am at the beginning stages of this with my child. He has been in Private Daycare for about 3 years. This year he began Pre K there. He is having a really hard time with his behavior. Hitting, Spitting, screaming for no reason during nap or circle time. He gets very upset when punished and will cry uncontrollably.
Is he an only child? Does he have to follow routines and rules that he doesn't like at home and do you follow through with that? Does he ever have time when he to do things at home he doesn't want to do and do you follow through with making him do these things? My first thought was whether maybe he's freaking out because being told "no" or not being allowed to do something the way he wants when he wants to isn't something he's had to get used to. At home, if he's the only one, it genuinely may not disrupt things if you decide to do something his way. When you have a class with 10 or 20, you have to have procedures to keep things orderly. This is something kids in large families pick up naturally. If he's a singleton, he may never have had to learn this skill. How do you discipline him at home?
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Originally Posted by Netangel334
Like many others he is really smart and does well when there is a task at hand that he needs to focus on. But when he is done he is done. He completely loses focus and is hard to get back on track. When I ask him why he hits or spits he says it is because "she won't look at me or talk to me." so at first I thought it was just attention seeking behavior since he is in a new class with new kids and teachers. BUt it isn't getting better.
Do you spend time at home on your own pursuits "ignoring him" at times? If not, I wonder if that would help. If he's used to things revolving around him he may genuinely not know what to do when he's suddenly not the center of the teacher's attention all the time.
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Originally Posted by Netangel334
My Pediatrician says it is just 4 yr old behavior. The school says it is beyond normal behavior. I don't know where to start. Part of me thinks I should maybe find another preschool and maybe move him back a year. His birday is July first and our cut off is Sept 1st. He was also 8 weeks premature and born to a mom addicted to drugs and with major mental illness. We adopted him at birth.
So, schools can't diagnose anything, but they can be helpful in letting you know if they're seeing something that isn't typical because they have the advantage of seeing a whole lot of kids the same age, and seeing them for an extended period of time. I would wonder if getting an evaluation just to have a second opinion wouldn't be worth your while. Moving him back a year might not be a bad plan. Even if he's smart academically, if he's behind behaviorally, he may feel a lot more comfortable on the older side of a class rather than the younger. It can be hard on the youngest kids in a class, particularly boys, and particularly when they're immature.
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Originally Posted by Netangel334
What I don't understand is that he is such a good kid at home. Does great in small play groups at home or at others house, park etc.. He just has issues at Pre K. I don't want him to be labeled as a special needs kids if he is just a little immature and needs more time. I was so embarrassed when I picked him up hearing another Mom telling her kid he couldn't play with my Son because he was a bad influence I dont want to over react and get a neo psych. involved etc..if it is something he will grow out of (Which is what my Pediatrician is leaning toward) but I also don't want to be lazy about it and then send him to Kindergarten and him just be a mess. I am tempted to just pull him and do pre k activities and play dates from home but again I am scared that would do more damage then good..Anyone have any advice. Anyone been through this. I am just lost he is my one and only who just turned 4 in July and I don't want to mess this up.
He could just be immature. But since you're hearing this from multiple sources (the school, other parents), an evaluation wouldn't be a bad idea. If it turns out it's nothing, it's nothing. But if you're seeing this behavior only at school and not at home, it would be useful to analyze what's different about those two environments. Is he acting out because he doesn't get along with one of the teachers? Is he acting out because they're expecting him to learn to follow procedures and that isn't being practiced enough at home? Is he acting out because they're ignoring him purposefully as punishment for being bad? Is he acting out because he's used to being the center of your universe at home and you're not requiring him to become more independent and wait his turn for attention? If he's consistently good at home and consistently bad at school SOMETHING is different...
In all of my years teaching, I have never had a parent regret delaying kinder. Ever. It will only help him mature, get intervention, and build his academics and social skills. Put him in a quality program and try to get as much intervention as possible before starting kinder.
In all of my years teaching, I have never had a parent regret delaying kinder. Ever. It will only help him mature, get intervention, and build his academics and social skills. Put him in a quality program and try to get as much intervention as possible before starting kinder.
I am certified PK-8 and Spec Ed.
Good luck!
The child was preK in 2008. This is an old thread.
I could really use some advice. Like many of you I am at the beginning stages of this with my child. He has been in Private Daycare for about 3 years. This year he began Pre K there. He is having a really hard time with his behavior. Hitting, Spitting, screaming for no reason during nap or circle time. He gets very upset when punished and will cry uncontrollably. At first Prek teachers wanted to handle things by taking away privelages etc. Now they call me to come up and I either remove him and he loses privelages at home or something similar. Nothing is working and they are telling me I have to get help or he will be removed from Pre K. This started at the end of last year and they thought it was because he was getting bored in the younger kids class. Like many others he is really smart and does well when there is a task at hand that he needs to focus on. But when he is done he is done. He completely loses focus and is hard to get back on track. When I ask him why he hits or spits he says it is because "she won't look at me or talk to me." so at first I thought it was just attention seeking behavior since he is in a new class with new kids and teachers. BUt it isn't getting better. My Pediatrician says it is just 4 yr old behavior. The school says it is beyond normal behavior. I don't know where to start. Part of me thinks I should maybe find another preschool and maybe move him back a year. His birday is July first and our cut off is Sept 1st. He was also 8 weeks premature and born to a mom addicted to drugs and with major mental illness. We adopted him at birth. What I don't understand is that he is such a good kid at home. Does great in small play groups at home or at others house, park etc.. He just has issues at Pre K. I don't want him to be labeled as a special needs kids if he is just a little immature and needs more time. I was so embarrassed when I picked him up hearing another Mom telling her kid he couldn't play with my Son because he was a bad influence I dont want to over react and get a neo psych. involved etc..if it is something he will grow out of (Which is what my Pediatrician is leaning toward) but I also don't want to be lazy about it and then send him to Kindergarten and him just be a mess. I am tempted to just pull him and do pre k activities and play dates from home but again I am scared that would do more damage then good..Anyone have any advice. Anyone been through this. I am just lost he is my one and only who just turned 4 in July and I don't want to mess this up.
Is the preschool too structured for him? Are there too many kids in the class?
You said he does well in smaller play groups. I wonder if he's one of those kids who can't handle large crowds and a lot of noise. My son for example is totally normal but has a social phobia (his term now) and as a child he could not handle crowded places and would melt down almost as though he had autism.
Since your son is only 4, I would look into another day care that has smaller groups.
Thank you guys so much for some reason I never got an update that anyone replies. I did decide to pull Brandon out of his Pre K class. It was one of the "best" aka most expensive prek programs in our state. I put him in a church Prek program which has a lil smaller classes but their approach is totally different. He is thriving there. It was sad the first few days he would look at the teacher and ask if he was bad..She said it broke her heart that he was possibly being told every day how bad he was and not being recognized for anything good. He isn't having any of the issues he had at the other school. When we had a conference (and he has been there a lil over a month) they said he is just like all of the other active 4 yr olds in the class. They said they think that the previous school had unrealistic expectations of him and were pushing him away instead of working through the problem. I am so grateful this passed or at least isn't as bad. I can't believe what a difference just changing daycare or teachers were. I was terrified at the change he had been at the other school for years and was very comfortable but thankfully he did great at his new "big boy school
I totally agree I am watching closely through out the rest of this year to see how he matures.. I wish this place offered a summer program though I hate to move him for the summer and him start K in the fall thats alot of change But we will take it one step at a time
Thank you so much for the advice...It really got me thinking I am watching closely at home to make sure I am not contributing
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I dont want to over react and get a neo psych. involved etc..if it is something he will grow out of (Which is what my Pediatrician is leaning toward) but I also don't want to be lazy about it and then send him to Kindergarten and him just be a mess. I am tempted to just pull him and do pre k activities and play dates from home but again I am scared that would do more damage then good..Anyone have any advice. Anyone been through this. I am just lost he is my one and only who just turned 4 in July and I don't want to mess this up.
delay school
