Moved for a guy. Not sure what to do. (Dallas: 2014, health insurance)

[luvdeezer]

Towards the end of last year, I discovered on facebook that a friend of mine from back in the day lived in Texas. We started talking(just catching up initially) and our conversations became a little more flirty and there was a definite interest on both ends. I have lived in Northern Virginia all my life and my commute was starting to get to me, so in light of this developing....whatever it was... I started to look at Texas as a possibility for relocation. I didn't really think of anything other than how much I loved it when I came to visit and how if I moved there I could be closer to this friend. I didn't take into account the life I had built in VA and the friends who are basically like a second family that I would be leaving, or the fact that I can go to the beach or the mountains on a whim without having to drive an extensive amount, or the fact that my parents are only two hours away, or the fact that moving to Texas would put me way too far away from not only my parents, but my extended family who all reside in New York. But I digress...

In the weeks leading up to the move to Texas, I was sad and trying to not think of what I would lose, but what I was supposedly gaining by going (cheaper cost of living, possible life with this guy, winters that don't seem to last forever, less traffic, people who have less of a "me first/do you know who I am?" mentality) but I still found myself thinking "I should stay, maybe this is a mistake, I shouldn't move, ultimately you're moving for a guy (a guy who at this point I wasn't even really sure I wanted anything to do with) and that's ridiculous, I'm going to miss (insert all the awesome things about Virginia here)" but I told myself that I had to go because "people think that I actually won't go through with this", so I made myself "man up" and my last night before the move found me sobbing uncontrollably and not at all excited. As soon as I got to Texas, I wanted to turn around and go home. The guy who I let have way too much sway in my decision to move (my own doing, he never pressured me and I basically made it seem like I was moving for other reasons aside from him) turned out to be a total jerk and I have pretty much cut off all contact with him. That being said, I feel pretty dumb because I basically just uprooted my life and moved halfway across the country to see if there was even a possibility at a relationship for the two of us (there isn't...selfish jackass is not my type) and now I can't decide if I should stay here and try to find work to get experience (I'm a teacher and am certified in TX as well as VA) or just chalk this up to me being a complete idiot and move back home to VA and go back to my job as an assistant because even though being a professional classroom assistant is not my life's goal, it's a full time job with networking opportunities and health insurance. I have only been here about a week and feel like I may have made a huge mistake, but I'm also kind of afraid to turn around and head back to VA because I spent all this time focusing on the things I didn't like in order to try to make myself hate it enough to be excited about moving (never happened) and I was not shy about vocalizing.

Help please!! Thank you!

[KathrynAragon]

Why on earth would you stay here? You have no job, no friends, no network here. Seems like you'd feel very isolated.

No offense, but I think you should invest in some counseling to figure out WHY you made such a drastic change in your life. Until you know why, deep down why, you did this, you will still just be running to try to stay ahead of the problem - when the problem is inside your head. The problem isn't Virginia or Texas but at least in Virginia I'm assuming you had some sort of network of friends, some job connections, etc.

Regardless of your decision, please get some counseling.

[lonestar2007]

No one can really tell you what to do, that is up to you and you alone to decide. But since you are on a public forum and seem to be seeking advice, I will throw my two cents in.

For now, why not swallow your pride and go back home. Give yourself some more time and gain more maturity and then if you feel the need to try your wings and venture out to a different place, it will be a completely different ballgame.

I would not worry one bit about the comments I made before leaving nor would I worry about the response regarding my abrupt turnaround to head back home. Your family will be glad to have you back (LOL even if they were banking on you to provide them a place to stay if they came to Texas for a vacation ) and your friends will be glad you made the decision to return as well. If anyone does make a sarcastic or spiteful remark to you, viola, you just found a perfect way to weed out a less than good friend or at the very least, you will know to keep your eye on them.

I applaud you for your courage to take such a big step like you did even if it was somewhat premature. I think you are going to be just fine. Good luck to you in the future.

[Jack Lance]

Is your old job still there for you if you move back? Isn't this the time of year that school districts are starting to gear up for the new school year? Maybe while you ponder this move back you should try to apply for some position that will make that Texas certification you have worthwhile. Whatever you do don't waste time doing nothing in either direction.

BTW What part of Texas are you in now ?

[doctorjef]

Ditto KathrynAragon and Lonestar2007. I think if you had a definite motivation to try to establish yourself in Texas on at least a trial basis (say a year or two), it would be different. Lacking that, however, I'm not sure there's any point to it. I agree that it's important to develop some real insight into what you were trying to accomplish by making this move, as well as why you needed to create a feeling of dissatisfaction and alienation from your life in VA while still living there. A future relocation might or might not be a good thing to do, but greater self-awareness around the issues causing you to think about moving is surely needed before making any decision. This isn't a failure in any case, but rather a learning experience.

[explorer2014]

I have a different opinion. I would say stick it out for at least a year. You will have grown and learned a lot. It is another line and experience on your vita and a new experience in a different state. If you quit and go back, there will always be some shame and people in your old job will potentially abuse this. Go back in 1 to 2 years with experience and you go back as someone with new skills to bring. Go back now and they will feel you owe them for rescuing you. Even if you hate it, you can live anywhere if you know it is just 2 years.

[doctorjef]

Originally Posted by explorer2014

I have a different opinion. I would say stick it out for at least a year. You will have grown and learned a lot. It is another line and experience on your vita and a new experience in a different state. If you quit and go back, there will always be some shame and people in your old job will potentially abuse this. Go back in 1 to 2 years with experience and you go back as someone with new skills to bring. Go back now and they will feel you owe them for rescuing you. Even if you hate it, you can live anywhere if you know it is just 2 years.

Changing jobs every year or two is a liability on a professional CV, at least in normal circumstances.

[luvdeezer]

Thanks for your perspectives. I am currently outside of Dallas and, while I do like it, I see it more as a fun place to visit than somewhere I would live mainly because it pretty much reminds me of where I lived in Virginia. I do have one other friend down here which is nice, but it's not the same as what I left (I know that this takes time). I also have not quit my job back in Virginia yet so I have a definite position to go back to. I do kind of think that I agree with putting in the time not only at my job in Virginia, but also taking that time to figure out whether I truly want to relocate and if so, where exactly do I want to go. That way I can feel more excited and prepared in the future.

[979Texan]

[explorer2014]

Originally Posted by doctorjef

Changing jobs every year or two is a liability on a professional CV, at least in normal circumstances.

I think the point you make is valid if it is repeated. Assuming the OP has been in her current position for a reasonable time. I would not think it's a problem going from a teacher's assistant in VA to a teacher position in TX and then after a few years of experience moving back to a promotion in VA. In fact, I'd say that teacher has a stronger background with more experience.