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I have been studying alot on these guys lately because of some personal things I went through and it has been an eye-opener. Increasingly I am realizing that not once but at least a few times, I have dated and/or been friends with someone who really didn't feel anything at all for me, but manipulated me for his/her own ends. One of my best friends from high school always made me feel ill at ease- to feel good about herself, she used to put me down. I always found it peculiar that she seemed to enjoy it. I never understood her intrinsic "me" attitude and her coldness. I figured she was just reacting to some child abuse or something. Now I am beginning to understand.
I am kinda flummoxed by how, even in the psych literature, psychopath and sociopath seemed to be used interchangeably. Perhaps its the same cluster of behaviors with the psychopathy representing the extreme end of a sociopathic spectrum. I am not sure.
All I know is that it has been extremely helpful in trying to understand some traumas in my life. There is actually a psychopathic test you can take, that I took recently, and I was way, way down on the scale. I am too empathetic, too warm, too human. I am proud of this, actually. But it made me realize something really important that is germane to this thread and to to my own life-
Psychopaths aren't necessarily all criminals, in fact the majority are probably not. But chances are at least most serial killers are somewhere on that spectrum, and its likely that if you have been abused by a family member or a lover or a friend, psychopathy might be lurking somewhere. And if it is- they really don't care about you.
This sounds like a given, but it has really, really opened my eyes.
I don't know how often I have thought, "if only I could make them UNDERSTAND how they have HURT me they won't do it anymore" or "if i just LOVE them they will stop". Now I realize these people thrive on the blood of kind yet stupid people like me. My former landlord and boss, who I even wrote a thread about and realize now is on this spectrum, is a case in point. Every time he would scream at me over a trifle or suddenly be nice to me when he wanted something only to turn immediately cold again when he got it, I would think "he doesn't realize what he is doing, I need to try and understand and show him some sympathy". GOOD GOD, I look back now and realize that's PERFECT for him. HE JUST DOES NOT CARE. And this is the truth.
I am really weary of good people being taken advantage of and learning about psychopathy and this total lack of empathy is so important. I feel like I have had to look some stuff in the eye that I really never considered before. It makes so much make sense. And now I see them EVERYWHERE- in the news, killing people, beating people up, stealing people's money. I realize a number of people I know are like this. Its apt to make you paranoid.
Its tough to empathize with someone who cannot empathize with you. Who probably considers you a chump for being so nice. Who likes seeing you suffer.
I have been reading so much about Israel Keyes and he talks about this, about since he can remember he has enjoyed watching people suffer. That he really thought people were SO stupid and so easily fleeced and that this helped him immeasurably in committing his crimes. He also said that he learned early on that others weren't like that, and he was shocked when he realized not everyone thought it was funny that he had shot a cat. From then on he hid who he was. He even had a daughter.
It seems to me in the 21st century to REALLY start handling crime and abuse we have to know who these people are in our own lives. Maybe they can just start a dating site and just hang out with each other and leave us empathetic, huggy folks alone. I for one am SO TIRED of this kind of thing in my own life, even tho I have never been abused I have always tried to understand others but I realize I have tried to understand what cannot be understood. They simply do not care, they don't get you, and if you cry they probably enjoy it. People need to be taught life skills in handling psychopaths just like children are taught to protect themselves from the "man with the candy" so to speak. This should be in all of our arsenals- at least, the people who are like me and get taken by someone's apparent charm and false complexity. Its so shocking to look at your life this way and realize how many dark characters resided there and you never could see them clearly. I guess I feel like this is something everyone should think about- my two cents on the matter. I hope this becomes something like domestic abuse awareness- people really need to realize that psychopaths don't have to be killers to ruin your life.
I have been studying alot on these guys lately because of some personal things I went through and it has been an eye-opener. Increasingly I am realizing that not once but at least a few times, I have dated and/or been friends with someone who really didn't feel anything at all for me, but manipulated me for his/her own ends. One of my best friends from high school always made me feel ill at ease- to feel good about herself, she used to put me down. I always found it peculiar that she seemed to enjoy it. I never understood her intrinsic "me" attitude and her coldness. I figured she was just reacting to some child abuse or something. Now I am beginning to understand.
I am kinda flummoxed by how, even in the psych literature, psychopath and sociopath seemed to be used interchangeably. Perhaps its the same cluster of behaviors with the psychopathy representing the extreme end of a sociopathic spectrum. I am not sure.
All I know is that it has been extremely helpful in trying to understand some traumas in my life. There is actually a psychopathic test you can take, that I took recently, and I was way, way down on the scale. I am too empathetic, too warm, too human. I am proud of this, actually. But it made me realize something really important that is germane to this thread and to to my own life-
Psychopaths aren't necessarily all criminals, in fact the majority are probably not. But chances are at least most serial killers are somewhere on that spectrum, and its likely that if you have been abused by a family member or a lover or a friend, psychopathy might be lurking somewhere. And if it is- they really don't care about you.
This sounds like a given, but it has really, really opened my eyes.
I don't know how often I have thought, "if only I could make them UNDERSTAND how they have HURT me they won't do it anymore" or "if i just LOVE them they will stop". Now I realize these people thrive on the blood of kind yet stupid people like me. My former landlord and boss, who I even wrote a thread about and realize now is on this spectrum, is a case in point. Every time he would scream at me over a trifle or suddenly be nice to me when he wanted something only to turn immediately cold again when he got it, I would think "he doesn't realize what he is doing, I need to try and understand and show him some sympathy". GOOD GOD, I look back now and realize that's PERFECT for him. HE JUST DOES NOT CARE. And this is the truth.
I am really weary of good people being taken advantage of and learning about psychopathy and this total lack of empathy is so important. I feel like I have had to look some stuff in the eye that I really never considered before. It makes so much make sense. And now I see them EVERYWHERE- in the news, killing people, beating people up, stealing people's money. I realize a number of people I know are like this. Its apt to make you paranoid.
Its tough to empathize with someone who cannot empathize with you. Who probably considers you a chump for being so nice. Who likes seeing you suffer.
I have been reading so much about Israel Keyes and he talks about this, about since he can remember he has enjoyed watching people suffer. That he really thought people were SO stupid and so easily fleeced and that this helped him immeasurably in committing his crimes. He also said that he learned early on that others weren't like that, and he was shocked when he realized not everyone thought it was funny that he had shot a cat. From then on he hid who he was. He even had a daughter.
It seems to me in the 21st century to REALLY start handling crime and abuse we have to know who these people are in our own lives. Maybe they can just start a dating site and just hang out with each other and leave us empathetic, huggy folks alone. I for one am SO TIRED of this kind of thing in my own life, even tho I have never been abused I have always tried to understand others but I realize I have tried to understand what cannot be understood. They simply do not care, they don't get you, and if you cry they probably enjoy it. People need to be taught life skills in handling psychopaths just like children are taught to protect themselves from the "man with the candy" so to speak. This should be in all of our arsenals- at least, the people who are like me and get taken by someone's apparent charm and false complexity. Its so shocking to look at your life this way and realize how many dark characters resided there and you never could see them clearly. I guess I feel like this is something everyone should think about- my two cents on the matter. I hope this becomes something like domestic abuse awareness- people really need to realize that psychopaths don't have to be killers to ruin your life.
You write so beautifully. I sincerely mean that!!...I've also realized that i've associated w/these types.
But what i have trouble with are the alcoholics. The ones i know, have NO empathy. They hurt you over and over, never apologizing, etc. So similar to psychos and socios. So is it the alcohol, or the other, p's & S's...I have a hard time discerning between the 2
You write so beautifully. I sincerely mean that!!...I've also realized that i've associated w/these types.
But what i have trouble with are the alcoholics. The ones i know, have NO empathy. They hurt you over and over, never apologizing, etc. So similar to psychos and socios. So is it the alcohol, or the other, p's & S's...I have a hard time discerning between the 2
If it's just about the addiction, those tendencies remit quite a lot once the person gets clean and commits to changing. If it's a deeper-rooted trait it'll still be there no matter how long the person is clean and sober.
Hmmm. Oh well, i don't see any of them changing...anytime soon.
Thanks for your reply.
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