Why do people think Vancouver is unfriendly? (house, buy)
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I visited it and found it to be the exact opposite. People would start random conversations with me on the bus, even though I was scared at first and initially tried to give off a "please-leave-me-alone-and-don't-hurt-me" vibe. A few even walked me to where I needed to go when I was lost. Whereas when I try to look friendly and smile in my home town in Pennsylvania, I've generally (although not always) been ignored. I figured that Vancouver must be unusually friendly and happy, but from what I've heard online, it's actually the unhappiest city in the country and even has a reputation for being unfriendly. This left me very confused. Does anyone else have any opinions or insight on this?
EDIT: my apologies; I just realized that there's already a similar thread.
Vancouver people are pleasant but not friendly. You've experience the pleasant side of them. The difficult part is trying to actually make REAL friends... you know, people to go to the movies with, go out for dinner with, talk to about your problems, etc.
You'll find out very quickly that vancouverites are substantially less interested in you (or anyone else for that matter) than they are in their smartphones.
But yeah, they'll be forever nice and kind to you. Just don't expect that to evolve into anything else.
Vancouverites are friendly and polite. They are welcoming to guests and very accommodating.
The issue is that Vancouverites are also very aloof. It's very easy to make aquaintances but much harder to make real long lasting friendships. People don't do diner parties here at all. I think much of it has to do with the outdoor mentality. People are use to going running, walking, skiing, jogging, and other sports which are more naturally geared to independence where as people back East are much more likely to invite people over for dinner, a party, or a more social venue like the movies, theatre, clubbing etc. Strangely BC has one of the lowest registrations for team sports in the country. It's a very sporty kind of place but the sports are more independent than anywhere else in the country.
It's not unique to Vancouver in terms of other places in the world......outdoorsy cities are naturally more geared to a more independent lifestyle but it is unique to Canada as Vancouver is Canada's "outdoorsy" city. It's not that Vancouverites are unfriendly but simply a different lifestyle that doesn't lend itself to meeting or wanting to meet a lot of other people.
I visited it and found it to be the exact opposite. People would start random conversations with me on the bus, even though I was scared at first and initially tried to give off a "please-leave-me-alone-and-don't-hurt-me" vibe. A few even walked me to where I needed to go when I was lost. Whereas when I try to look friendly and smile in my home town in Pennsylvania, I've generally (although not always) been ignored. I figured that Vancouver must be unusually friendly and happy, but from what I've heard online, it's actually the unhappiest city in the country and even has a reputation for being unfriendly. This left me very confused. Does anyone else have any opinions or insight on this?
EDIT: my apologies; I just realized that there's already a similar thread.
Vancouver is a friendly place as you've discovered. I don't buy into some of those one time surveys that says otherwise. Not scientific at all.
Tourists generally rave about how people here are helpful to them. I do this myself. Someone looking lost, I ask if they are. Someone asking directions, and I'm heading that way, I'll show them.
Most bus drivers are extremely helpful as well. Even our homeless beggars for the most part are polite. Say " sorry " when they ask for change, and they may tell you to have good day.
As for making friends here. I think it's like anywhere. Find an interest. Join a club or religious institution to your liking. You will meet people with common interests. Even runners have clubs you can join. Same with basically all individual sports.
I'm glad you enjoyed Vancouver. So come back and see more of it!
PS It's a gorgeous day here today and the mountains look spectacular all covered in snow. No snow downtown though.
Vancouver is a friendly place as you've discovered. I don't buy into some of those one time surveys that says otherwise. Not scientific at all.
Tourists generally rave about how people here are helpful to them. I do this myself. Someone looking lost, I ask if they are. Someone asking directions, and I'm heading that way, I'll show them.
Most bus drivers are extremely helpful as well. Even our homeless beggars for the most part are polite. Say " sorry " when they ask for change, and they may tell you to have good day.
As for making friends here. I think it's like anywhere. Find an interest. Join a club or religious institution to your liking. You will meet people with common interests. Even runners have clubs you can join. Same with basically all individual sports.
I'm glad you enjoyed Vancouver. So come back and see more of it!
You do not need to be "scientific", it is a fact that Vancouver (and even Seattle) can be socially alienating...everybody knows it, many native Vancouverites know it and acknowledge it The Seattle freeze is very real.
Again, you confuse being "polite" with being "friendly"...very very different...one thing is visiting Vancouver another is living in Vancouver...
The Northwest is simply not a hotspot of social interaction....granted, it is not the only part of the world with this pattern of social behavior.
There is no way around it, socially Vancouver or Seattle are not Barcelona, LA, Miami, Sydney or Rio.
You said it yourself....."join a club or institution" and I can tell you that often that "friendship" does not go beyond that specific activity.....I did not need to join any institution or club to strike friendship in few days with people in other cities.....
I told you before...I collected more dinner invitations in Calgary in a month or two than in Vancouver in 3 years....
IMO most Canadian cities are friendly and most (although not all) Canadians are polite, particularly compared to US cities.
By Canadian standards Vancouver would be toward the bottom - the bigger the city the more "anonymous" people feel and the less they'll go out of their way for a stranger. Some will, but a lower % than in a smaller Cdn place.
It's not unique to Vancouver in terms of other places in the world......outdoorsy cities are naturally more geared to a more independent lifestyle but it is unique to Canada as Vancouver is Canada's "outdoorsy" city. It's not that Vancouverites are unfriendly but simply a different lifestyle that doesn't lend itself to meeting or wanting to meet a lot of other people.
I do not agree that being outdoorsy is the culprit.....at all...mostly the "Nordic roots", the lack of sunshine and the weather are the reasons....same problem in Sweden, Norway, etc...
Many cities in the world are as outdoorsy as Vancouver and Seattle but way more social.
You do not need to be "scientific", it is a fact that Vancouver (and even Seattle) can be socially alienating...everybody knows it, many native Vancouverites know it and acknowledge it The Seattle freeze is very real.
Again, you confuse being "polite" with being "friendly"...very very different...one thing is visiting Vancouver another is living in Vancouver...
The Northwest is simply not a hotspot of social interaction....granted, it is not the only part of the world with this pattern of social behavior.
There is no way around it, socially Vancouver or Seattle are not Barcelona, LA, Miami, Sydney or Rio.
You said it yourself....."join a club or institution" and I can tell you that often that "friendship" does not go beyond that specific activity.....I did not need to join any institution or club to strike friendship in few days with people in other cities.....
I told you before...I collected more dinner invitations in Calgary in a month or two than in Vancouver in 3 years....
Totally disagree. In my experience, people who find a place socially difficult, are usually expecting instant friends like they had back home. Good friendships take time.
As for superficial social interaction, it's easy enough to find anywhere.
I am NOT confusing politeness with being friendly. They are practically the same thing. I think what YOU mean by being friendly, is making friends. That is different than being polite or friendly.
My suggestions for doing clubs etc, is for those that don't make friends easily, or feel a bit awkward socially. Instantly meeting people who have a common interest, can help. This advice stands for any place on the planet.
The fact that you have an easier time in some places is a reflection of you, not those places. Google " hard to make friends " and type in ANY city in the world and you will get people complaining about a place.
It's just that some people love to hate a particular place, or don't understand the social norms of a place and put unreal expectations. For example, you won't get an invitation for dinner in someones home in Paris, until you are practically family.
Yet again, you jump onto a thread where someone says something nice about Vancouver, It really bugs you doesn't it?
Totally disagree. In my experience, people who find a place socially difficult, are usually expecting instant friends like they had back home. Good friendships take time.
As for superficial social interaction, it's easy enough to find anywhere.
I am NOT confusing politeness with being friendly. They are practically the same thing. I think what YOU mean by being friendly, is making friends. That is different than being polite or friendly.
My suggestions for doing clubs etc, is for those that don't make friends easily, or feel a bit awkward socially. Instantly meeting people who have a common interest, can help. This advice stands for any place on the planet.
The fact that you have an easier time in some places is a reflection of you, not those places. Google " hard to make friends " and type in ANY city in the world and you will get people complaining about a place.
It's just that some people love to hate a particular place, or don't understand the social norms of a place and put unreal expectations. For example, you won't get an invitation for dinner in someones home in Paris, until you are practically family.
Yet again, you jump onto a thread where someone says something nice about Vancouver, It really bugs you doesn't it?
It has nothing to do with me bashing Vancouver...as a matter of fact I just re-iterated what the first 2 people said in the first response...go back and read them.
When you say "politeness and being friendly" is the same thing it is clear where the source of the problem is, no need to further comment
Again, claiming that the cities around the world are "all the same" and the social vibes and environment between Vancouver and, let's say, Barcelona is the same is beyond delusional....you may be well traveled but if you think that you are a terrible observer.
Vancouver and Seattle (so you do not accuse me of bashing Van) social aloofness are well known and there are countless examples of people (not to mention media articles) that lived in several other place in the world that says so....denying and dismissing their experiences is just silly.....people are different in different places in this planet.
Finally, let me give you an example of yours "join a club" advice......for a summer I did hang around an aviation club here in Seattle (I love airplanes) and I got invited for few flights (we shared the fuel cost) by an aircraft owner and his "club friend"...these two people knew each other for almost 20 years....guess what, they were "flying friends", they never invited each other for dinner in their homes or did anything beyond flying together...never!! I was literally shocked.....
Here people have "ski friends", "biking friends", or "hiking friends".....
You do not need "good friendship" to have dinner together.
Some people like this social environment (you for example) others don't.
Did you actually lived as an adult in a city (especially a southern one) other than Vancouver Nat??
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For example, you won't get an invitation for dinner in someones home in Paris, until you are practically family.
Not in my experience....the same in New York when a lot of people complain that New Yorkers can be "rude and in your face".....maybe that is the case in the first approach but is not hard to make friends in the Big Apple..as a matter of fact a Vancouver native that did complain about Vancouver social aloofness he is very happy in New York since he moved there in this regard
Again, nobody is "hating" anything and anybody here neither is a matter of right or wrong.....simply saying that some cities have a more relaxed welcoming social environment than others....that is the truth, as much as you do not want to admit....being Vancouver, Oslo, Rio, Rome or whatever.
Last edited by saturno_v; 12-15-2016 at 04:21 PM..
Halcyon, Vancouver is a friendly, helpful and welcoming enough place and I'm happy that you enjoyed your visit. I hope you'll visit again and get to see other parts of the province besides just Vancouver. The persona you project on the forum is that of a friendly, sensible, even tempered, intelligent, sensitive person. I think that kind of thing can't be faked. I think if you were to decide to live in Vancouver or any other part of Canada I'm confident it wouldn't take you very long at all to make close lasting friends for yourself where ever you were.
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To no one in particular - Remember the expression "One man's meat is another man's poison", well "one man's friendliness is another man's aggression or hostility".
Define friendly. Then define friendship. They aren't the same thing. Being friendly is easy in an instant and it could be true or false friendliness, but real friendship and trust is something that has to be earned and that takes time and caution. What does the friendship seeker have to offer to make it worth reciprocation?
I think a problem that some disatisfied visitors have had with Vancouver is that they didn't recognize that most Vancouverites are not eager to make lots of new friends in a hurry. Friendship takes time and personal trust has to be earned. British Columbians in general (not just Vancouverites) are self sufficient enough in their lifestyles and social circles that most of them aren't going to accept strangers as friends just for the sake of being friendly. Visitors won't encounter the whole routine of 'hail fellow well met open arms greeting let's throw all caution to the wind I'll trust you so come to my house for supper and let me expose my whole family and friends to you and you can play with me and we'll all get to be personal and in your face kissy huggy intimate buddies for ever and ever and all live happily together for ever after - oh BTW, who are you and what's your name?' . Ain't gonna happen. That kind of trust and acceptance has to be earned.
Malcontents, complainers and overly opinionated arguers who come to Vancouver with judgementalism in their hearts, with too high expectations of gratification for themselves and demands of instant friendship, emotional support and entertainment from others will get friendly politeness together with an aloof cold shoulder.
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The Seattle freeze is very real.
