[Phorlan]

​I have a stupid question;
I know Vermont very well, I go there 3-5 times a year, always to the same friend and I spend most of my time with her family and small circles.
So I know VT very well but only geographically, not as far as the people are concerned and the type of life I could have there.

Where I am in the DC area, most people don't give a **** about anything. There are people who've seen me walk and run, alone, with my dog, with my wife, around the same lake for 17 years now and they still can't make eye contact and say hello. People seem to be lonely, miserable with no life in the community. They get up, go to work, walk alone, watch Netflix, go to some bad food place and keep repeating ad nauseum. There doesn't seem to be any community at all.​ I can't wait to retire and get out of there.

What do you have where you live in Vermont? Do you have the feeling people around you, seem to be part of a community in which they have tight networks of friends, or do you see islands of solitude?

I'm originally from France and pondering whether I should move back there, after 33 years or to VT. My American wife loves France, I'd rather be in VT, frankly, France is too messy for me now.

[Riley.]

I really want to weigh in on this. I've lived in VT for 20 yrs now. Moved here in 2003 from, of all places, the Los Angeles, CA area. But there were reasons. However, I have to attend Town Meeting today, that 'quaint' VT tradition where, if you don't show up physically to the meeting, you don't get a vote on our and school budgets. More on that later.

I would ask what area of the state you've visited? North or south? It's been my experience that there are social differences depending on where you live here. But I will get to this when I get back so I can provide you with at least one perspective.

For background, I grew up in New York, moved to the Canal Zone in Panama for my high school years (my father was a tugboat captain). I then lived in Florida, Colorado, and California. I'm in my 60s now and retired.

[Summerz88]

I have lived in Vermont last 40 years or so, before that was born in Denver, raised in Colorado, moved more than most military even though we were not military, also spent some time in California, I feel fortunate to have been so many places.

Back to topic..first 30 years here, community we were in was a touristy area..some comraderie, quite a bit actually…but after all that time we knew lots of people in the area..I am terrible at explaining things..)course you had the tourists coming and going(a lot like how I grew up lol)

Past 10 years we have been in a smaller community, we, Husband and I, have found it super friendly, course this less touristy, more locals. I’m not sure how to explain it, I think it might just depend on the area..?l.you go to. We feel lucky to have such good neighbors, not always easy to find.
Good luck

Adding..we are not in large city area so can’t speak for that, I’m assuming those would be..city life style..obviously..I’ll stop while am making little sense..
Just trying to cover my bases..so to speak.

[Phorlan]

I'm familiar with both north and south. I've skied at Mad River Glen, I have a friend in Burlington, with her we go to lake Memphremagog where her family has a camp. I'm familiar with Woodstock, that I find artificial, I like Hardwick and Craftsbury. I like Montpelier.

[Phorlan]

Maybe I'd need to actually start living there, preferably in a small community to really discover what it is. Of course.

[Summerz88]

Indeed, , you can pick your location, do have control over that, how it goes is another thing time will tell. I moved so much over the years all too familiar with it. Seems like you have some insight already.
Life is a mystery at times…

[Phorlan]

I would avoid Burlington.
I don't mind Montpelier and I could live in Waitsfield or in Morristown. I like the area around Craftsbury but that's really small. I guess one day when I stop working I'll make the jump. I just don't want to end up in a place where people keep to themselves, everybody in front of Netflix by 7pm, you know what i mean. You would think that VT is a place you move to because you want community. I guess when I live there for good, instead of just visiting I'll have to make skiing buddies, etc..

[Riley.]

Originally Posted by Phorlan

I would avoid Burlington.
I don't mind Montpelier and I could live in Waitsfield or in Morristown. I like the area around Craftsbury but that's really small. I guess one day when I stop working I'll make the jump. I just don't want to end up in a place where people keep to themselves, everybody in front of Netflix by 7pm, you know what i mean. You would think that VT is a place you move to because you want community. I guess when I live there for good, instead of just visiting I'll have to make skiing buddies, etc..

Hey Phorlan: I take it the friend you have here in VT does not live in any of the areas you're interested in? If you moved to her neck of the woods you would at least start with a friend and small group of acquaintances.
I think it really does depend on where you live in this state. Renting might be a good idea, if that's in the budget, to spend time and discover if a place is to your liking. It will take a while to get the true lay of the land.

When we moved here in 2003, we had no family here and my hope was to live a peaceful rural life. That was and is fairly easy to do, but the community I'd hope to find has never really materialized for me. I don't have many close friends. I attribute that to the fact that in my area, households with children predominate and when I was working, so was everyone else, and their lives revolved around the kids and school. That is still true. My weekends would be spent like most people, taking care of housework, yard work and getting out to hike or bike or kayak.

We live on a small road and tried to be friendly with those who live here, but that didn't pan out either. Everyone here pretty much stays to themselves or are involved with well-established, long-time friends and family (or that is my impression anyway). We are good neighbors, quiet, etc, and initially I simply thought they didn't like us because we moved here from elsewhere or they didn't have the bandwidth for additional social activities. That said, we do all 'know' each other and I'm sure if someone needed help, we'd be there for each other.

I've had gym memberships but only had acquaintances there, nothing long term, and I never really socialized with people I worked with (for the reasons I stated above). I do walk and talk with the one good friend I have. I met her very early on when I arrived here. But we don't socialize as married couples, though. She compartmentalizes her friends. I have another fairly close friend who does that as well - but she used to have holiday parties with other people we know and that was fun.

I love being outside in the warmer months and do my outdoor activities, often alone or with the dog and my husband. People I meet during those times are certainly nice enough, friendly, since we are all out doing what we love, but no long-term group of friends.
Opportunities for things like book clubs and such dried up during COVID. Workshops for crafts and things like that are often somewhat expensive. But they are out there if you look. If you are friendly and outgoing and the people around you are as well, you will likely make a few friends. I think finding people with similar interests and of the same age as you would also be very helpful.

[mikeugh]

Yes, my sister lives in Newport. The community she made were through her children in the schools. I think it would be tough otherwise. Beautiful place though.

[Phorlan]

Riley,
What you depict in your answer is what's happening in the US. This is exactly what I want to avoid. I don't feel like going back to France, I like the US, but I do have to acknowledge that most Americans have no friends, are lonely and if you do a search online you'll find out that this is becoming a huge problem. Even 60% of college students say they have no close friends!
My father in law, in his 80s, told me that was totally different in the 60 and 70s, so we're dealing with something that developed lately. I was hoping, I'm hoping VT would be different. Sure I could just stay with my friend and her close friends.