Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Let him come to the wedding to see the important part but he should not come to the reception. If he really cares about your fiance he wouldn't want to go to her house and cause trouble. If he does want to come to the reception you can be absolutely sure it is not because he wants to celebrate. He wants to torture his ex-wife. Your fiance's SISTER.
That's extraordinarily rude. The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. Only being invited to one or the other, particularly being invited to the ceremony and not the reception, is one of the biggest faux pas one can make in wedding planning and is almost certain to offend the person more than simply not inviting them.
I did let it go as it is at her house (which we didn't really want, we just decided to do it because she LITERALLY started painting the house, cutting down trees, clearing the yard, and sending us photos of how great it looked while offering the location...we finally gave in because it was obvious she REALLY wanted it there) but am just a little frustrated that she is really excited and trying to help, but sort of forgetting to see how we feel.
Wow
Might keep that in mind for other significant events down the road (baby christening, first birthdays for the kid(s) ). Make decisions then inform her, else you might find that she has designated her home as Party Central.
And I hate to sound paranoid, but do you think she might have insisted on the location just because it would have given her a degree of control? You did mention that she interfered with the guest list involving other people. If the whole event had been under your strict control, she could have thrown a fit, but her only other option would have been to not come. I'd keep that in mind for the future.
And I hate to sound paranoid, but do you think she might have insisted on the location just because it would have given her a degree of control? You did mention that she interfered with the guest list involving other people. If the whole event had been under your strict control, she could have thrown a fit, but her only other option would have been to not come. I'd keep that in mind for the future.
Might keep that in mind for other significant events down the road (baby christening, first birthdays for the kid(s) ). Make decisions then inform her, else you might find that she has designated her home as Party Central.
And I hate to sound paranoid, but do you think she might have insisted on the location just because it would have given her a degree of control? You did mention that she interfered with the guest list involving other people. If the whole event had been under your strict control, she could have thrown a fit, but her only other option would have been to not come. I'd keep that in mind for the future.
Yes, after this has happened, I do in a way think that she volunteered her home to get some control over things that she would not have had otherwise. It has already been noted for the future. It has also already been noted at least to my family and future husband that if this continues, it is NOT too late to put signs up at the end of the street and handout flyers in the church that the reception has been moved. Tacky, yes...but NOT worse than having the wedding hijacked.
But, as we are in CA and she is in Ohio, it also lessens the chance of future events being hijacked.
I guess my thing is that the ex still comes over to the house all the time, to pick up the son who still lives there for visitation, etc. And, I am sorry, but it ISN'T soon...its been 3 years and both parties are remarried.
Oh, and as far as I know, he is still listed on the deed for the home.
So, right down to it, I think she doesn't want him there and is doing what she can to make sure he isn't...for whatever reason.
That's extraordinarily rude. The reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. Only being invited to one or the other, particularly being invited to the ceremony and not the reception, is one of the biggest faux pas one can make in wedding planning and is almost certain to offend the person more than simply not inviting them.
I agree. Although, if he was really hurt by not being able to come, my fiance wanted to offer this as an option. I said no. I also said that if he was really hurt, we could just move the reception, which while possibly hurting his sister, it is also part of the problem as the location at her house means we have to be more interested in her wants than if it were somewhere else. Invitations haven't gone out yet, nor have they been ordered (although that is soon) so it was not too late. But he seemed fine with not being invited.
I guess my thing is that the ex still comes over to the house all the time, to pick up the son who still lives there for visitation, etc. And, I am sorry, but it ISN'T soon...its been 3 years and both parties are remarried.
Oh, and as far as I know, he is still listed on the deed for the home.
So, right down to it, I think she doesn't want him there and is doing what she can to make sure he isn't...for whatever reason.
For bad divorces, 3 years feels like 3 months. Though it's family, family never truly knows what went on in the home before the divorce. Some things are just too painful for those involved to let go even after 5 or more years. Not saying the ex was wrong nor the sister. My cousin divorced his wife after he caught her cheating on him. Though she was at fault, she tormented him and his new wife for more than ten years. She stopped after she took him to court for more child support based upon his and his wife's combined income. I armed my cousin with a copy of state law and legal footnotes. His real ammunition were his telephone records showing her harassing phone calls. By the time the judge got through with her, though my cousin did have to pay more child support (based only upon his current income not including his wife) she ended up losing money and received a warning from the court that if she continued her harassment then she would be in jail and custody would be transferred to my cousin. Vindictive divorces can drag on for many years.
I think you did the right thing. Ultimately your fiance has to choose his sister over his former brother in law. I don't know how things ended, but I was only married a short time and things ended horribly with my ex husband. Still, I would be beyond hurt and my enjoyment of the wedding would be ruined if my brother invited my ex to his wedding. I definitely understand your fiance consider this person part of the family, but he can spend time with him away from his sister and avoid all the drama. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!
Thanks. I appreciate it. And I think it bugs me more than it would otherwise because another poster sort of hit the nail on the head...I have wondered for a while if she thought having the reception at her house would give her more say in things. I am hoping this is the only thing she tries
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
