Why do some people get married multiple times? (marriage)
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I am not defending myself or anyone else, but I was married and divorced twice before marrying my current husband of 35 years.
I married Husband No. 1 when I was 18 and just out of high school because I was on the rebound from a relationship that hurt me very deeply and caused me to have very low self-esteem as a result. Anyway, it turned out that Husband No. 1 didn't really love me, either, plus he was incapable of holding a job or staying in one place for more than six months. Still, I put up with it for four years.
Husband No. 2 was the polar opposite of Husband No. 1 regarding stability, but he was a compulsive flirt and even had a minor affair with my seven-years-younger sister, and he was also not at all supportive of my career. (Long story.) That marriage lasted six years, however.
Sometimes it is just a matter of immaturity and marrying for the wrong reasons before you find Mr. or Ms. Right.
My second husband was married 3x before me. He married his first wife when he was 19 and in the army. That wedding lasted 9 years and produced my stepson.
The second marriage lasted 7 years. By all accounts, she was well liked. The marriage broke up because he felt like she was more wrapped up in her children and grandchildren, and also because he felt like she didn't support his efforts to go back to school. Later, he regretted his decision to divorce her, and tried to get her back, but she'd moved on.
Third marriage lasted less than a year. And they had only dated a few months before they got married. He chalks it up to him being lonely mostly. She was also a gambler (come to find out) and a dangerous, vindictive person.
And I'm #4. On the 24th of this month, we will have been married 17 years. I fully expect that we will be married to each other until one of us dies.
We all mistakes, and we all need forgiveness and understanding. I think we both were just in the right time and the right place in our lives to appreciate each other.
Multiple marriages/divorces:
Because people are not committing to the MARRIAGE itself (or insert religious belief here)
People are naturally liars, cheats, and self-absorbed beings. If you marry a person, you will be disappointed every single time.
If, however, you are committed to the marriage, and select a person who seems appropriate to go along on that journey with you, it is easier to detach from their flaws as a human being... you are committed to the higher purpose
(please note this does not include abusive, dangerous, etc)
Further, people have this very dangerous idea of "deserve" and "entitled to" that I think is not only extremely short-sighted, but possibly dangerous.
I have a friend who has been married 5 times and is on the way to #6. All I hear from her in real life and in posts is how much she "deserves" this and that, and these "inspirational" sayings about how if people don't give you what "you deserve" you should let them go.
OK...how's that working for you? And Why oh why, do you deserve more than me, her, or anyone???
My second husband was married 3x before me. He married his first wife when he was 19 and in the army.
<snip>We all mistakes, and we all need forgiveness and understanding. I think we both were just in the right time and the right place in our lives to appreciate each other.
My second husband was married twice before me. First marriage he was maybe late 20s, and she had a daughter from a previous marriage. DH nearly went bankrupt with medical expenses keeping the daughter alive she had severe asthma and they didn't have really good ways of treating it back then. She was mostly in hospitals. It was his wife who wanted out and when they went for counseling the COUNSELOR said they should get divorced. They separated in 1977 but it took 5 years to get the divorce- not sure of all the details. In less than a year he remarried. Definitely a rebound marriage and they were divorced less than 3 years later. She had a lot of issues- he was never certain of her actual age or how many times she'd been married previously. I've met both his ex-wives and we got along well, but those were fairly brief meetings.
We married in 2003, so 17 years after his last divorce and after 6 years of dating. I figured I knew him pretty well, and I did. Our wedding ceremony included the reading with "What God has joined together, let no one put asunder". And no one did. We'd been married 13 years when he died. It truly was a match made in heaven.
There certainly are people who marry multiple times and make the same mistakes every time, but not everyone falls into that category.
Why are people who are getting married multiple times wanting to invite me to their weddings?
I once had to attend my mom's wedding (not her first wedding). I really didn't need to be there. I didn't approve of the relationship or wedding. I had to travel to another state to be there. It was such an inconvience.
My cousin got married for a 2nd time, less than 2 years after his first one failed. That seemed a bit rushed to me and there is a decent probability it won't last. I did not attend either of those weddings.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mouldy Old Schmo
When you hear about people marrying and divorcing three times or more, is that a negative judgement on their character? Do some people like “getting married” more than “staring married”?
Some people thought of as really nice and friendly seem to change spouses more often than they buy new vehicles. And some people thought of as mean jerks stay married to the same spouse “till death do us part”.
Anyone can make a mistake....but when you are divorcing for the 3rd time....it’s time to hang up the wedding dress for good IMO....
e d i t: they don’t need to be inviting anyone to any more weddings......
I can never understand why some people remarry so quickly after getting divorced. My one marriage lasted just two years (I was divorced at 25) and the years immediately following were some of the best of my life. Thirty-seven years later, although I've had a few girlfriends, and lived with a couple of them, I've never seriously considered remarrying.
I agree with the person in a post above who said that, after the third time, it's best to forget it. Perhaps some people should realize that marriage just isn't for them. Remember how Dr Johnson described second marriage: 'The triumph of hope over experience.' I can only imagine what he might have had to say about a third or fourth.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by David Leavold
I can never understand why some people remarry so quickly after getting divorced. My one marriage lasted just two years (I was divorced at 25) and the years immediately following were some of the best of my life.
IMO it all depends on who you meet & when tho. My fiance is in his 40s & never married. I've been divorced...officially....for under 2 yrs. If I never met him... I wouldn't be getting married again.
I am not defending myself or anyone else, but I was married and divorced twice before marrying my current husband of 35 years.
I married Husband No. 1 when I was 18 and just out of high school because I was on the rebound from a relationship that hurt me very deeply and caused me to have very low self-esteem as a result. Anyway, it turned out that Husband No. 1 didn't really love me, either, plus he was incapable of holding a job or staying in one place for more than six months. Still, I put up with it for four years.
Husband No. 2 was the polar opposite of Husband No. 1 regarding stability, but he was a compulsive flirt and even had a minor affair with my seven-years-younger sister, and he was also not at all supportive of my career. (Long story.) That marriage lasted six years, however.
Sometimes it is just a matter of immaturity and marrying for the wrong reasons before you find Mr. or Ms. Right.
My childhood friend has been married four times. The first was to the high school boyfriend, Married at 21, divorced at 22. Second was a man she lived with for fourteen years. They finally married, and he dropped dead of a heart attack at 46 two months later. Within a year, she became pregnant with a man she'd met at a bar, and they got married. She was 38, and figured it was her last chance for a child. He was financially secure, but a drunk who was diagnosed shortly after their marriage with cirrhosis. They divorced, and she met her fourth husband through her sister's husband.
That one has lasted for about 15 years already. This husband was married once before, no kids, and was more father to her son than his own natural father, who died when the boy was around 12. They have a good life, and they seem bonded and happy, and the son just got his Master's degree.
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