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Im sure you read the title "dumped multiple times in a month" and thought, goddamn hahaha.
Here's a lil background info:
i meet girl (well call her amy) back in jan.2012. she had gotten out of a bad long term- relationship and met me a week later. i got her number, we just sorta feel for each other the second we saw each other. some cheesy movie **** lol, like seriously tho. She ends up telling me she needs some time cause her relationship and i respect that and move on..last march she calls me back up and things hit off from there, we are like glue, inseperable. we travel around the us with eachother, but about 2.5-3 months into it we fight on a trip and mutually break up. it was pretty bad, she went home. it was some childish **** and about our egos, and we dont really speak til this past september, so for like 4 months no contact. (Keep in mind shes 22, im 24. also during this period she like hits a low point, gets a dui, is sorta using dudes like a drug for comfort she has like 4-5 flings that only last 2-3 weeks during this period where we arent together )Once we start speaking again, things as always, pop off, were together all the time, never not, in love, shes talking to her friends about marrying me, basically living with me, we go on trips again, everythings dandy. we get in a fight while on our most recent trip and she dumped me immediatly, i was sorta in shock, we talked, its all good again. we finish the trip, get home, and like clockwork she dumps me within 48hrs of being home, i say okay, sorta in shock again, we were the week before looking at houses to buy and talking about marriage (all brought on by her, i just sincerally loved this chick so i was into it), we talk, we ****, she says shes on period and not thinking right, everything is dandy again for a week. then one day she sorta flakes, i dont hear from her much, shes lying to me about what shes doing (like saying shes going to bed then theres pics of her partying online, im just not the type to look too far into this or point it out, i feel like a ****ing creep) so i just keep that to myself, but we both know i know shes been bs-ing me, she comes over to my house, we are talking, ive been coming off drugs (long story, accidental pain killer addiction after mouth surgery, but i called myself out on it, and on my own detoxed, i am currently 10 days clean, and it doesnt seem like itll be a thing again, it only was about 3.5 weeks anyway, im not really a druger is what im sayin, my first and prob only slip, not one for being gone all the time.) but anyways she comes over says my life is in shambles? (i put my career on hold for a month so i could detox, i thought was i making a man move, and handling my business like a grown dude, my business or nothing was hurt from this, and all my co workers were super supportive and friends and most shocked, they didnt notice anything was off) and said she cant be distracting me during this time, and cant wait to see what im like when clean. then later that night she texts me saying she loves me still and is just waiting for me to get "my **** together". i was pissed she keeps dumping me, so i packed her **** up, n put it outside her door with a note basically sayin "i cant do this all the time, if u love me ull come back, if not thats life, i hope you find whatever it is ur looking for, i tried my best to make ur world a dream". no response, but it was less than like 24 hours ago.
what im saying is, this girl seems like a habitual dumper, like she gets a rush out of ending relationships, all of her friends and family just comment on how good i was for her, as well as her, it seems like shes just sorta pushing me away for the sake of it. She even started to act creeped out about how close we were, she was saying things like "weve only been back 3 months this shouldnt so hard for you" but she was the one picking houses, rings, ect... ? i just was confused completely. any advice would be good, i know this seems pathetic, and thats why im turning to the internet anaymously haha.
Should i leave this girl behind? I do love her, and am still not sure what i did to make her leave me? she was supportive of my taking my month off and getting clean and like overly happy about it at first. some of my friends think she played me cause of my career, and she did get a lot out of me during this time from clothes to trips to even almost her own career and damn enough connects to start one haha. so i guess my heads spinning im not one to turn outward to help so i turned to internet, oh yeah. haha.
let me know any advice, should i wait a lil for her? or say **** it and move forward? also, i work with this girl now sort of. should i drop her and move along, like just remove her from my life all together?
Run away, as fast as you can. This is not a young woman of 22, this is a child playing games. This young lady has no maturity, she behaves and acts like a child. Goes out with you, dumps you, has multiple short term relationships, goes back with you other times only to dump you again.
Can you seriously think there is anything stable about her? What's to " love " ? Don't confuse infatuation with love. Don't confuse make up sex or good sex with love.
Ask your yourself, what is this girl's education, what good career moves is making on her own. Has she any financial sense, any plan for her future? Do you and she have similar goals, ideals, any long term plans ? No, not buying a house. That's quick. Where do you each see each other in five years. What goals would you be working toward ?
To me she seems flakey. Maybe right now at this point in your life, you need to continue on with your recovery. To do that you need stable people in your life. She's not a bad person, just behaving like a dumb kid.
By the way, she's not likely to change, this is a pattern- usually a long term one. Some people at 22 are ready to settle down . However, she's closer to 14 emotionally. Find someone more on the same page with you. This type of relationship goes no where- it will be just be more of the same and you sure don't want to keep on with the nonsense.
This woman is treating you like total crap.
If you dump her and move on, 6 months from now, you will look back and say "what the he1l was I doing?!?!"
Most likely when enough time passes, you will remember 2 things about her, how bad she treated you, and how good for one or two days you two were together after making up.
This is so toxic, it is not even funny. She will use you and play you like a musical instrument for ever if you let her. And once you have been emotionally exhausted, and mentally drained, and she sees you are no longer the fun, energetic guy she met, she will walk from boredom, and she will know she 'won'.
And most likely, you will be CRUSHED, and bitter, and mad at yourself, for letting her treat you bad.
Get out, get out now! It isn't worth it.
First thing's first... have you heard the phrase "good guys finish last?" This is you. There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but it is obvious this young lady is completely taking advantage of you and you kindness. You need to start recognizing when it is occurring. You have allowed her to do this to you. Why? because you have set the tone for how you want to be treated. Everytime you break up.... time passes, you talk again then you click, and are inseparable. This happened multiple times. She is playing you and you are allowing her to. If you truly love her (only you know), the next time she calls or finds you, make her ass work for your affection. She has to earn your trust before you can ever get back together. Learn how to tell her NO when she wants you to buy her things. This goes for any future relationship of yours as well too. In all honesty this young lady is not the one for you. Please see this experience as a huge red flag. Lastly, trust your gut instinct. You ultimately know what is right for yourself. Good luck!
Yeah I mean its been 48 hours, she hasn't responded, so im gonna let it go. it is what it is. Thank you random internet people for your advice, i just have never had a real realtionship before (i guess this one doesnt count either lol) just like tons of multi week flings wherever i'd be staying and one night stands... not like this where its one chick all the time and im like trying to progress with her as one almost. ha i know that sounds corny... but it sorta makes sense- i didn't go to college (she went to a super fancy expensive art school and dropped out 200gs later ) and like sorta came from the gutter, this girl is like from the tops of the tops, she comes from the "beverly hills" of my city, and yes she is insanely pretty. and ever since we've locked eyes we've had this thing, i can tell when shes mad its still there, i dont know how to explain it, but yes i felt like this was getting unhealthy so i packed her **** and like i said told her "balls in your court, if you love me, youll be back. but if not, thats life, i hope you find what ur looking for". i just still am confused how she could have let me i dont know, like change her world basically, like get her out of her 9-5 job, i bought her everything, and i now material doesnt mean **** its just extra, but i also told her i loved her all the time, had suprises sent to her work, and took her on trips, like did everything perfect. i was the ideal boyfriend, and many of friends openly commented on that, one even offered a threesome with us (dont judge these late 80s babies are the ultimate hippies) she and her family thought i was an angel, it just seems like she gets off the hurting people or like the whole breakup makeup thing. a lot of her friends do that, like theyve been dating the same dude for 1-2 years, but they only are actually dating 6 months of the year the other 6 months is just fighting and "off time" or whatever these girls do... i just dont want this to become that, which it had. sucks.
so i guess theres no point in waiting to see or even attempting to call her in a couple weeks, ill have to see her around at work thats only ****ty ****ty part, like somewhat often. probably 4-6 times a month, ill just avoid too much interaction and discussing the relationship.
yeah thank you so much for the advice. yeah i guess i set the tone it was gonna pretty awsome haha and laid back, i work an intense job that requires late hours n a whole slew of bs, so it was nice to have someone who can handle that life, but it the end, it didnt work. i ****ed up by letting her know my financial situation so she knew me spending 100$ here or there didnt matter really, next time ill keep that disclosed. i just trusted her really quick. yeah it does look like im getting played, its somewhat common for me haha, if she does come back, itll be a minuet before i think i would be able to date her. like this whole thing stressed me out enough to start postin on the damn web about it lol, i just dont want this unhealthy ****. thanks again for ur advice!!
-bama boy.
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