Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Im not sure where to start but right now im suicidal writing this. My life has been a rough one. I was gang raped at age 14 that's how I lost my virginity. Married at 18 into a forced marriage due to my parents being extremely religious. Divorced my husband 9 months later because he was sadistic. My parents thought I was lying because I was young and didn't want to be married so a cause of that they kicked me out of my own home with just the clothes on my back and let my husband stay in their house. I was homeless and stayed at a shelter for three months.
Over my life course (im 26 now) I have had numerous abusive relationships. Im not bragging but Im stunningly beautiful and have modeled for Gap and American Eagle as well as Victoria Secret. I have no problem finding men in general and seem to receive a lot of attention.
In my own mindset though I constantly have flashbacks of everything that has happened in my life. I give my 100% in anything I do especially relationships and I seem to be taken advantage of and cheated on constantly. I truly feel I am no good for anyone and that I really have no purpose in life.
I decided because we were having a baby that I would talk to him about my past and tell him that I cannot tolerate what he's doing to me or my baby. He said he understood and for two months he didn't contact her. I ended up going through his phone one night and I had already memorized her phone number. I found texts between them and pornographic videos. They were all saved under a guys name so if I glanced over I wouldn't notice she was in the phone.
I lost my baby at 7 months due to a number of problems. I wasn't eating or sleeping. I was constantly crying. It was a lot to handle. I ended up having a placenta abruption.
After loosing my baby he had promised we would work things out and he would be faithful. He moved in with me got a new cellphone number and everything has been going great. I check his phone records (I know that sounds terrible) and I haven't seen any calls between the both of them what so ever.
We are planning on getting married October 13th and my entire family has been invited and so has his. Yesterday his ex texted my phone only to tell me that when he was in town two weeks ago they met up and had lunch together. She also told me that he's been calling her the past two weeks. I confronted him and he denied everything. She explained in detail to me what he was wearing where he was going etc. She told me that he uses a calling card to call her that way I cant check the phone number.
In a nutshell he always seems to find a way to contact her. ESPECIALLY if we are arguing. I feel so low and Im numb. I don't want to let my family down by not going through with the marriage and Im so lost. He doesn't want to be with her but somehow has to keep in touch with her every now and then and it only seems to happen when we are fighting. I know im going to get a reply back to leave him but im just wondering if anyone has EVER experienced someone who's been unfaithful and has changed. Can counseling help.. or should I just end everything and move on. My heart is so broken that I took five sleeping pills last night and prayed to God to help me not wake up. I never write on forums but I just need advice.
Can counseling help.. or should I just end everything and move on.
Apart from immediately canceling the wedding plans and completely disassociating yourself from this man, the only thing that's going to help is for you to get involved in some serious and very intensive counseling with a reputable therapist. Anything short of this is definitely a path to suicide.
When you're ready to say "enough is enough" you will pick up and go. You have to reach that point OP. I'm sorry you've been through all this but it's happening because you're allowing it to happen. I'm angry and sad for you right now but what you're communicating to him by your behavior is "I am okay with you cheating and lying to me. Why else would I be here?" You're communicating to him by your actions that you do t feel worthy of his undivided attention and respect.
Until you've said "I'm done" in your heart and mean it, your life isn't going to improve much. You have to belie you're worthy of good things and then act on it.
apart from immediately canceling the wedding plans and completely disassociating yourself from this man, the only thing that's going to help is for you to get involved in some serious and very intensive counseling with a reputable therapist. Anything short of this is definitely a path to suicide.
I think you should leave this man. Marriage is a serious commitment and I don't think he's willing to take it seriously. He's been unfaithful to you, that should be enough of a reason to end this relationship.
I understand that your past has affected your self-esteem in relationships, but what you need to do now is work on yourself. Get some help. You've been through terrible things which in my opinion, have put you in this constant "victim" situation. Even though you know your situation is not right, you still try to hold on to what you think you have because you feel secure.
In a sense, you being in this relationship with this man, and having the prospect of getting married makes you feel "secure" because you're scared of being on your own due to your past (especially the fact that you ended up in a shelter). Being scared of being alone is perfectly understandable, but you cannot let anyone destroy your dignity like that.
You seem to be in love which somehow makes you a little biased and you can't really see that you need to get out of this relationship for your own sake! You need to work on yourself and accept your past before marrying someone or committing to a serious relationship.
You seem to be involved in relationships because they make you feel "secure" as I said before, hence you're willing to accept anything so long as they do not leave you. This man is taking advantage of your vulnerability. Please, leave him. Stay single for a while and get someone to help you deal with your past. I'm sure making such move will change you and the way you look at relationships.
Right now, you're in this state of "needing" to be with someone, not "wanting" to be with someone. This need you have is caused by this fear of being alone. All of your relationships seem to have this dominant/submissive pattern. That should speak volume that something is not right. Once you realize you do not "need" a man but you just "want" a man, then you'll be able to sustain a healthy relationship.
I'm assuming she's from a Muslim or Asian (as in Indian) background but I might be wrong. That's why I kind of believe her story.
If she's not, then my apologies.
Alright, the "stunningly beautiful" sounds a little off but the rest sounds perfectly legit to me. Oh well.
Apart from immediately canceling the wedding plans and completely disassociating yourself from this man, the only thing that's going to help is for you to get involved in some serious and very intensive counseling with a reputable therapist. Anything short of this is definitely a path to suicide.
I'm assuming she's from a Muslim or Asian (as in Indian) background but I might be wrong. That's why I kind of believe her story.
If she's not, then my apologies.
Alright, the "stunningly beautiful" sounds a little off but the rest sounds perfectly legit to me. Oh well.
Who would be suicidal and their first course of action is to find City-Data, create a profile and post about it, making sure we know she's stunningly beautiful, you know, not to brag though.
Who would be suicidal and their first course of action is to find City-Data, create a profile and post about it, making sure we know she's stunningly beautiful, you know, not to brag though.
So don't waste your time responding.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
