Quote:
Originally Posted by solacejones2001
Im not sure where to start but right now im suicidal writing this. My life has been a rough one. I was gang raped at age 14 that's how I lost my virginity. Married at 18 into a forced marriage due to my parents being extremely religious. Divorced my husband 9 months later because he was sadistic. My parents thought I was lying because I was young and didn't want to be married so a cause of that they kicked me out of my own home with just the clothes on my back and let my husband stay in their house. I was homeless and stayed at a shelter for three months.
Over my life course (im 26 now) I have had numerous abusive relationships. Im not bragging but Im stunningly beautiful and have modeled for Gap and American Eagle as well as Victoria Secret. I have no problem finding men in general and seem to receive a lot of attention.
In my own mindset though I constantly have flashbacks of everything that has happened in my life. I give my 100% in anything I do especially relationships and I seem to be taken advantage of and cheated on constantly. I truly feel I am no good for anyone and that I really have no purpose in life.
I currently own a day spa and work full time managing a hotel. I work about 16 hours a day along side my fiancée and we make pretty good money. Throughout our entire relationship he has been unfaithful. I was pregnant at 4 months and he was telling me he was at work yet he was in his exes bed. He would have sex with her and then not shower or anything and come to my place and have sex with me. I would call him during the day and he would pretend he was at work while in her bed.
I decided because we were having a baby that I would talk to him about my past and tell him that I cannot tolerate what he's doing to me or my baby. He said he understood and for two months he didn't contact her. I ended up going through his phone one night and I had already memorized her phone number. I found texts between them and pornographic videos. They were all saved under a guys name so if I glanced over I wouldn't notice she was in the phone.
I lost my baby at 7 months due to a number of problems. I wasn't eating or sleeping. I was constantly crying. It was a lot to handle. I ended up having a placenta abruption.
After loosing my baby he had promised we would work things out and he would be faithful. He moved in with me got a new cellphone number and everything has been going great. I check his phone records (I know that sounds terrible) and I haven't seen any calls between the both of them what so ever.
We are planning on getting married October 13th and my entire family has been invited and so has his. Yesterday his ex texted my phone only to tell me that when he was in town two weeks ago they met up and had lunch together. She also told me that he's been calling her the past two weeks. I confronted him and he denied everything. She explained in detail to me what he was wearing where he was going etc. She told me that he uses a calling card to call her that way I cant check the phone number.
In a nutshell he always seems to find a way to contact her. ESPECIALLY if we are arguing. I feel so low and Im numb. I don't want to let my family down by not going through with the marriage and Im so lost. He doesn't want to be with her but somehow has to keep in touch with her every now and then and it only seems to happen when we are fighting. I know im going to get a reply back to leave him but im just wondering if anyone has EVER experienced someone who's been unfaithful and has changed. Can counseling help.. or should I just end everything and move on. My heart is so broken that I took five sleeping pills last night and prayed to God to help me not wake up. I never write on forums but I just need advice.
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You say that "Im not bragging but Im stunningly beautiful and have modeled for Gap and American Eagle as well as Victoria Secret." and yet you stay in this relationship with this person. If I was you, I would tell him 'if you keep on cheating on me, I will kick you to the curb and find someone that WILL love me. There are many men out there that wants to be with me and then you will be sorry for cheating.'
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