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Here's the scenario: there is a very very very important person from work. Not just a random co-worker whom you can just jokingly say "geez, knock it off, you know I have a boyfriend!" or something like that, but somebody really high up there and sort of a mentor type of figure. He asks you out. You do not have any intention to have a relationship with him but you also cannot afford to embarrass him or make him feel any negative about working with you later on. It is because not only that it may cost you a job, but also that you actually wholeheartedly admire and like him a lot, just not in a romantic way. Is there any way you can *gently*, *gratefully* say no but not lose the relationship / friendship you have established with him at work?
The bottom line is that you really don't have to make an excuse at all which of course is what immediately comes to mind as in, "I'm sorry, but ..."
My standard opt-out was always (and with a very friendly smile on my face), "Thanks so much but I must say no," then change the subject. If he persists (and he's really not a gentleman if he does) then you can tell him that you just don't mix business with pleasure.
Assume he's quite a bit older than you. Is he married? Whatever, he should know better. Cheers!
You can something like: "My boyfriend and I would love to join you", etc. or something to stroke his ego: "I would love for my boyfriend to meet such an important work colleague" and always include "I can't wait to meet your wife!".
Bottom line tho - if this guy is a big wig, and you don't do what he wants, you can go ahead and start looking for a new job. Most likely this will not end well.
You can something like: "My boyfriend and I would love to join you", etc. or something to stroke his ego: "I would love for my boyfriend to meet such an important work colleague" and always include "I can't wait to meet your wife!".
Bottom line tho - if this guy is a big wig, and you don't do what he wants, you can go ahead and start looking for a new job. Most likely this will not end well.
I agree with this if you want to be polite, throw in other people when you talk about it, "That sounds great, I've told my bf/fiance/whatever about you and he would love to join us and meet you." Or, you can suggest him joining you guys..."My bf and I are going out for drinks at abc place, why don't you and your wife join us?" That way, your politely turning him down to spend time alone, but not directly saying no to him neither.
However, if he persists, then you may have to be honest and say sorry, but you don't mix business with pleasure. If he is professional, then it shouldn't be a problem. If he holds it against you, then he may not necessarily be someone you want mentoring you anyway.
'I'm truly flattered because I respect you and appreciate the guidance that you've given me in my job. But I'm in a committed relationship right now and have a personal policy of not getting involved in a workplace relationship. With that said, I respect and value our friendship and hope that we can continue our friendship because I really admire you and enjoy our relationship, as it is."
I was going to say, maybe you should tell this person you don't like dating people from where you work (for the sake of both your careers) but then again, they could just fire you!!
Hang in there...
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