I want to write a story about Orlando. Opinions? (sentence)

[DavieJ89]

I do a little creative writing in my spare time, and have had this idea for awhile. I want to write like a crime/suspense novel set in Orlando. New York, LA, Miami, and Vegas among other cities are overkill and it is time for something new

This is the story.

Alex Sanderson is a Lieutenant for the Orlando-Metropolitan Police Department (a fictional consolidation of OPD and Orange County Sheriff) He has a beautiful wife Angela, and two kids Alex Jr and Jasmine. His partner in the force is Officer Michael Rodriguez, Angela's cousin

Alex is a city-wide celebrity for his heroism in recent years (helping deliver a baby along 417, killing 6 gang members by himself with bullets in his arm, talking a man on an I-4 overpass out of suicide, and successfully defusing a bomb planted at the convention center)

A fellow officer is murdered at his home by two gunmen, with the only clues being shells from a Mac 10, a witness describing a early 2000's Ford Explorer, and its tire tracks. As Alex and Michael begin to look for clues and talk to potential leads, every person they speak with is killed shortly after Alex questions them, with the same description of the green explorer Mac 10 shells and tire tracks

After a lead is killed in the Avalon Park area (sorry ComSense) Alex finds a young child who can give him the perfect description of who the killers were, their car, and its plate number. But to prevent the child from being killed Alex takes her, and her parents in at his house to protect them

After the plate number, tire tracks, and all other forms of evidence are gathered and the warrants are to be served Alex comes home one night to find his wife, his children, and the little girl's family all gone, and his house in Hunter's Creek burnt to the ground

Alex knows one of the shooters names. Lonny West owns an abandoned warehouse on Forsyth Road, Alex calls Michael and they get there as fast as they can, only to find Lonny and his accomplice Terrance Johnson dousing the warehouse (its a very small warehouse) with gasoline and Lonny getting ready to light a match. Before Lonny can strike the match, Alex tackles him, shortly after Terrance shoots Alex in the right arm, and leg

Michael chases after Terrance, both exchange gunfire. Lonny is trying to get to the matchbox to set the warehouse ablaze and kill Alex's family, and the witness and her family. Both get into a very heated and violent fistfight over the matchbox, which Alex eventually grabs and throws in a puddle, thus arson is now impossible

Lonny knocks Alex out cold with a punch square in the temple and goes after a bulldozer sitting nearby. He is driving towards the warehouse which if he goes through it, it would kill Alex's family, and his little witness and her family. Alex gets up in time and runs to his car for his gun and shoots Lonny in the back of the head, killing him. Alex stops the bulldozer from plowing into the bulding, Michael arrests Terrance, though both are badly wounded

Terrance goes on trial for murder while the young witness Jessica Weston tell exactly what happened the day the shooting in Avalon Park occurred. Terrance is found guilty and sentenced to death at the state prison in Starke

Alex returns to his police duty, being offered a promotion to Captain, he turns it down, saying being a desk jockey is not for him. His new heroism gains national media attention and he is offered a job at the Las Vegas police department, which he is seriously considering

Jessica's family relocates to Asheville, NC under the witness protection program

The end

What do you guys think? Sorry it was so long. Its just a summary, this will be more in a novel form

[EndersDrift]

Shouldn't you post this more in a writing forum than here?

Having said that its extremely hard to judge a book off a summary. At least for me it depends on the literary style, syntax, tone, and techniques employed. Based entirely on the summary this sounds and reads more like it'll be a basic Murder Mystery that can sell just as easily in a grocery store as a book store. There's nothing wrong with that, but its not the type of books I personally enjoy.

[DavieJ89]

I did post it on the writing forum EndersDrift, but I didnt get too many responses. Besides since it takes place in Orlando, I figured I'd post it here, and see what my fellow Orlandians think of it