Explains why you end up with unavailable partners, and gives advice on breaking the pattern.
Why Would You Suffer In Silence?
Posted 02-19-2009 at 12:12 PM by Doctor Jeanette
[B]It's Not That Bad
[/B]Mindy could feel her anxiety rising. Things were getting on top of her. Her boss was in a bad mood making life at work very unpleasant. Her sister was refusing to talk to her about their mother's deteriorating health. She herself was having more frequent headaches, mini panic attacks and losing sleep. But it made her feel strong to think she could handle it herself. She never confided in her partner.:tape:
[B]It's Getting Worse- But Mindy Tolerates It[/B]
Restless nights, irritabiity and loss of interest in sex made Saul worry about Mindy. He wanted to know what was wrong and how to help her. But everytime he asked, she just brushed him aside and said " Oh, nothing. It's fine, I've got it covered."
[B]The Suffering is Unbearable[/B]
Mindy couldn't hide anymore. Her migraines were so bad she had to stay home from work. She couldn't eat and felt like crying all the time. It was just too much. She was falling apart and couldn't get through her day without excessive worry. She felt out of control.
[B]Reaching Rock Bottom Allowed Saul In[/B]
Mindy reached her lowest ebb. She had to literally stop functioning before she told Saul what she was dealing with. At that point things were so bad that she didn't have to deal with the shame of asking her partner to share her troubles and work them out with her. That's when Saul was allowed in.
[B]Sharing Brings Combined Strength[/B]
Saul listened and understood. He felt wanted. He felt important. He felt valuable. He felt like a true partner. He comforted Mindy. He was so relieved to be available to his beloved. That's all he ever wanted. To be available and supportive.
[B]Mindy Gets Immediate Relief[/B]
Immediately Mindy felt easier. Her migraines eased and her appetite began to come back. Instead of starving herself of nurturing and care, she had reached out, and enjoyed a good meal of love, comfort and joint problem solving.
[B]Letting Your Partner In[/B]
Mindy has started to learn that[URL="http://wwwcouplesspeakdecoded.blogspot.com"] suffering in silence [/URL]doesn't make her strong. It just makes her more overwhelmed and less able to cope. Pretending to be strong makes her partner unavailable. Creating a strong partnership by sharing on the other hand, gives her a better chance of dealing with difficult issues before they overwhelm her and make her feel useless. The very thing she had been trying to avoid!
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
[/B]Mindy could feel her anxiety rising. Things were getting on top of her. Her boss was in a bad mood making life at work very unpleasant. Her sister was refusing to talk to her about their mother's deteriorating health. She herself was having more frequent headaches, mini panic attacks and losing sleep. But it made her feel strong to think she could handle it herself. She never confided in her partner.:tape:
[B]It's Getting Worse- But Mindy Tolerates It[/B]
Restless nights, irritabiity and loss of interest in sex made Saul worry about Mindy. He wanted to know what was wrong and how to help her. But everytime he asked, she just brushed him aside and said " Oh, nothing. It's fine, I've got it covered."
[B]The Suffering is Unbearable[/B]
Mindy couldn't hide anymore. Her migraines were so bad she had to stay home from work. She couldn't eat and felt like crying all the time. It was just too much. She was falling apart and couldn't get through her day without excessive worry. She felt out of control.
[B]Reaching Rock Bottom Allowed Saul In[/B]
Mindy reached her lowest ebb. She had to literally stop functioning before she told Saul what she was dealing with. At that point things were so bad that she didn't have to deal with the shame of asking her partner to share her troubles and work them out with her. That's when Saul was allowed in.
[B]Sharing Brings Combined Strength[/B]
Saul listened and understood. He felt wanted. He felt important. He felt valuable. He felt like a true partner. He comforted Mindy. He was so relieved to be available to his beloved. That's all he ever wanted. To be available and supportive.
[B]Mindy Gets Immediate Relief[/B]
Immediately Mindy felt easier. Her migraines eased and her appetite began to come back. Instead of starving herself of nurturing and care, she had reached out, and enjoyed a good meal of love, comfort and joint problem solving.
[B]Letting Your Partner In[/B]
Mindy has started to learn that[URL="http://wwwcouplesspeakdecoded.blogspot.com"] suffering in silence [/URL]doesn't make her strong. It just makes her more overwhelmed and less able to cope. Pretending to be strong makes her partner unavailable. Creating a strong partnership by sharing on the other hand, gives her a better chance of dealing with difficult issues before they overwhelm her and make her feel useless. The very thing she had been trying to avoid!
Copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Total Comments 2
Comments
-
Dr Jeanette Raymond, I really liked the blog you put on here. It's so true, we all hold stuff in emotionally and it builds up making us anxious. Just some of us are afraid to open up and scared to be critisized. I know I hold stuff in and it stews! Sometimes it can stew for days, then my chest goes tight, I can't breathe or sleep properly.Posted 02-22-2009 at 06:21 PM by bunnytails
-
Bunnytails, I can understand that it's hard to open up, especially when you are afraid of being judged and critisized. Perhaps that is what happened to you in the past and that's what you imagine will happen again. Just think of the relief you can get if you share with someone who accepts you. The first step is accepting that you are not a bad person just because you have bad feelings or thoughts. Sharing them can allow you to know that you are not alone and that others probably have similar thoughts and feelings. I hope you will give yourself permission to do that. Y
You might like to read some [URL="http://www.drjeanetteraymond.com/articles.php"]more articles[/URL] like this blog. I would love to hear more about your experience with stuffing emotions.Posted 03-17-2009 at 06:08 PM by Doctor Jeanette
