Explains why you end up with unavailable partners, and gives advice on breaking the pattern.
My Partner Never Supports Me!
Posted 05-19-2009 at 12:38 PM by Doctor Jeanette
[B]Sonia Resents Having To Look For A Job.[/B]
The thought of having to look for another job made Sonia angry and depressed. Writing new resumes, interviewing, posting ads for jobs made her feel alone and uncared for.
Sharing their day with each other, Sonia told Rick about her fears. What if she couldn't get a decent paying job? What if she had to take a position she hated?
" I know it's tough for you to start again. I hear how mad you are that you have to get back in the job market." Rick sympathized.
" The computer crashed when I was responding to an ad. I feel like everything is working against me. I don't want the jobs that are out there, and the jobs that are worth applying for want hot chicks with high tech skills." Sonia complained.
" So go get in shape and take classes!" snapped Rick.
Sonia felt humiliated. She felt totally unseen and unheard. Tears welled up and she ran away from her verbal hit man.
[B]How did Sonia receive Rick's comments?
[/B]Ricks softness and caring remarks went right past Sonia's reception area. The words flew straight into her inner room marked 'danger'. She couldn't trust anything compassionate. If she let him hold her hand in these vulnerable moments, what might he do? How would he take advantage of her? She couldn't afford to be seduced by loving words. They had daggers hiding inside them.
[B]How did Rick receive Sonia's words?
[/B]Rebuffed by Sonia changing the subject everytime he approached her with care and understanding, Rick felt slapped across the face. He was stung unfairly and so he stung right back. He was being genuine and empathic, wanting to be with her in this difficult time. But she treated him as if he were a monster.
[B]Creating an environment of emotional availabilty.
[/B]Rick should ask Sonia what would feel most supportive during these difficult times. That will help her be open to his caring acts. Later Rick can tell her how bad he feels when she treats his words as poison. Little by little they can share their experience of each other at these highly charged emotional times. Understanding where they both come from will help them overcome their misperceptions and hear the real care and fear that prevent connections.
The thought of having to look for another job made Sonia angry and depressed. Writing new resumes, interviewing, posting ads for jobs made her feel alone and uncared for.
Sharing their day with each other, Sonia told Rick about her fears. What if she couldn't get a decent paying job? What if she had to take a position she hated?
" I know it's tough for you to start again. I hear how mad you are that you have to get back in the job market." Rick sympathized.
" The computer crashed when I was responding to an ad. I feel like everything is working against me. I don't want the jobs that are out there, and the jobs that are worth applying for want hot chicks with high tech skills." Sonia complained.
" So go get in shape and take classes!" snapped Rick.
Sonia felt humiliated. She felt totally unseen and unheard. Tears welled up and she ran away from her verbal hit man.
[B]How did Sonia receive Rick's comments?
[/B]Ricks softness and caring remarks went right past Sonia's reception area. The words flew straight into her inner room marked 'danger'. She couldn't trust anything compassionate. If she let him hold her hand in these vulnerable moments, what might he do? How would he take advantage of her? She couldn't afford to be seduced by loving words. They had daggers hiding inside them.
[B]How did Rick receive Sonia's words?
[/B]Rebuffed by Sonia changing the subject everytime he approached her with care and understanding, Rick felt slapped across the face. He was stung unfairly and so he stung right back. He was being genuine and empathic, wanting to be with her in this difficult time. But she treated him as if he were a monster.
[B]Creating an environment of emotional availabilty.
[/B]Rick should ask Sonia what would feel most supportive during these difficult times. That will help her be open to his caring acts. Later Rick can tell her how bad he feels when she treats his words as poison. Little by little they can share their experience of each other at these highly charged emotional times. Understanding where they both come from will help them overcome their misperceptions and hear the real care and fear that prevent connections.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Sonia was looking for a kick in the A** because she couldn't do it to herself , so she goaded Rick into giving it to her. They she blamed him so she wouldn't have to take responsibility
Simple, end of story. Women have been doing this since time began. Too bad everyone is afraid to acknowledge it. We would all be happier.Posted 05-19-2009 at 08:27 PM by yukiko11
