What Changes Are Wanted/Needed In Adoption In Regard to the Adoptee? (birth, options)

[AnywhereElse]

Well, here is the chance for those that want/need to see changes in the adoptions are being handled to speak their minds. I could not find a thread that was started in the last few months when the individuals had registered on City-Data. From those that were being critical of myself and others for our comments and for the fact that we were not supporting their agenda and truthfully, I did not understand who the people were or what they wanted so this gives them a chance to have their own topic. As anyone knows, when you want changes, it pays to be positive. So, I am wondering with this group what steps have been taken to move the changes forward? Do have statements and birthmothers willing to step up about being cohered into putting their babies up for adoption? This birthmothers can seek legal services on their own also and legal assistance is often available free of charge for those that cannot afford it. This would go along way in helping governmental officials see the necessity for better controls to be in place. The group seems to have proof about agencies that are unethical and this too can be reported to governmental agencies for investigation. There is a lot that someone or a group can do to get changes but I can tell you from experience that it won't be easy especially when it comes to the government. Also, are there links to petitions on the internet that you could provide that explain the changes wanted/needed in adoption laws and policies that you can provide links to so that anyone here that wants to understand and/or support those can go to and take action. So, where are you all in getting this done or at least giving it your best effort? Sometimes, sadly, all we can do is give something our best effort and if that doesn't work, we have to learn to deal with the hand that we are dealt. And, good luck. If you continue to be overwhelmed with feelings of anger, I suggest looking into counseling because there is only so much one can do to try to effect change. I learned that the hard way.

[susankate]

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

Well, here is the chance for those that want/need to see changes in the adoptions are being handled to speak their minds.

Many adoptees are out there doing their best to change laws re access to OBC.

I am in Australia where records have been open for ages and society hasn't collapsed. Neither has society collapsed in any of the 6 states where records are open in the US.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

I could not find a thread that was started in the last few months when the individuals had registered on City-Data.

???? Not sure what you are asking here?

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

From those that were being critical of myself and others for our comments

You mean the judgmental comments, the comments where opinions are stated as facts or those comments where various members believe that certain age groups in society should have certain rights suppressed? How dreadful of us to be offended. I've certainly never been critical of any sensible comments anyone on here has made.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

and for the fact that we were not supporting their agenda

Our agenda? What agenda is that?

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

and truthfully, I did not understand who the people were or what they wanted so this gives them a chance to have their own topic.

As anyone knows, when you want changes, it pays to be positive. So, I am wondering with this group what steps have been taken to move the changes forward?

See above.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

Do have statements and birthmothers willing to step up about being cohered into putting their babies up for adoption?

There are many blogs on the internet by bmoms who feel that changes are needed. These bmoms are relaying their own stories, NOT because they want anyone feeling sorry for them but because they just want to make sure others are going through the same as them. I do actually read blogs by bmoms of all types and even those bmoms who consider adoption to be a blessing feel that some changes are needed.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

This birthmothers can seek legal services on their own also and legal assistance is often available free of charge for those that cannot afford it.

That is true but just as adoptive parents can find their adoption journey to be a minefield, so can bmothers.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

This would go along way in helping governmental officials see the necessity for better controls to be in place. The group seems to have proof about agencies that are unethical and this too can be reported to governmental agencies for investigation.

I'm glad that you agree that better controls are required. As for unethical agencies, they are being reported, don't you worry. There are actually adoptive parents who also feel their agencies were unethical and others who feel that although their agencies were good overall, there were still changes needed. I know both BPs and APs who are trying to help their agencies improve. Actually, I think overall, agency adoption is better than private adoption because with the better agencies, there is at least some sort of oversight. I and others have elsewhere listed minor improvements that I think can be made that all parties might think worthwhile but these seem to have been ignored.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

There is a lot that someone or a group can do to get changes but I can tell you from experience that it won't be easy especially when it comes to the government.

Also, are there links to petitions on the internet that you could provide that explain the changes wanted/needed in adoption laws and policies that you can provide links to so that anyone here that wants to understand and/or support those can go to and take action. So, where are you all in getting this done or at least giving it your best effort?

I believe people have linked to these petitions etc before but there seems to be no interest from many of the APs on these forums. As for changing laws re open records, some of the adoptees on here are at the forefont doing their best to change the laws (in ap ositive way), again there is not much interest.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

Sometimes, sadly, all we can do is give something our best effort and if that doesn't work, we have to learn to deal with the hand that we are dealt.

I think you will find that most of the adoptes on here have learnt to deal with the hands we have personally been dealt. However, if we feel that irregularities took place during our adoptions or that our mothers didn't get the treatment that any normal decent human deserves and we 1) don't want that to happen on the same scale again and 2) want to make sure all today's women with unplanned pregnancies get unbiased counselling, then we have the right to point those irregularities out - sometimes adoptees and bmoms use their own experiences as proof of these irregularities.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

And, good luck. If you continue to be overwhelmed with feelings of anger,

LOL. There is nothing more likely to make people feel anger than having others accuse them of being angry. Actually, I am not an angry person at all but I do have righteous anger when I see others being exploited.

Originally Posted by AnywhereElse

I suggest looking into counseling because there is only so much one can do to try to effect change. I learned that the hard way.

Perhaps you might like to enlighten us as to your own difficulties in effecting change.

[lkb0714]

Aside from the fact OBC need to stop being altered?

Well, all adoptions should involve an adoptee advocate as a third party. They would be able to independently verify all information provided by agencies before an adoption takes place. And yes, I know this would make adoption more expensive. So be it.

[Artful Dodger]

I outlined several items in my first response to you on the other thread you started that was titled as a question but when I responded you apparently felt I was attacking you answering your points - which unless you can show me how it was attacking - I will continue to disagree with your belief that it was attacking.

If you truly are interested, then that is where you will find things I think need fixing (my first response). Things that no parent should feel threatened by, and indeed applaud as it could be your child that needs those changes to happen. There are other items but those were items that need to be addressed.

[JustJulia]

Official Adoption Reform discussion thread

Here's an older thread with a neutral top post.

[Illinoisadoptee]

Changes as I see them needed in adoption.

First and foremost, PROFIT needs to be taken away from adoption agencies. I am sick and tired of seeing false advertising on adoption agency websites like Gladney's for instance trying to glamorize adoption. There is nothing glamorous about taking one child from one family and putting them with another family. But leave it to the USA to make it sound like a fantasy/Disney land experience.

Also take profit away from the lawyers. Yes, we need their help, but a NONPROFIT agency with on-staff lawyers. Each party should be appointed a lawyer, including the child. Most kids get Guardian ad Litems in regular custody cases. Adoption should be no different.

A lawyer's job for the adoptee would be to VERIFY FACTS of the parents, place of birth, medical history and keep solid documentation of all of it that the child can access at any time (through his appointed lawyer). Did you ever think that there would have been no Baby M case or the latest Leah Frei case if there was someone fact-checking? A quick search of marriage records would have shown that Leah's father was married. An ethical attorney would have stopped that adoption dead in its tracks. Now we have a 2 yr old whose parents are going to appeal!

We have DNA at our fingertips. Why not use DNA as part of fact-checking who the parents actually are? The agencies spend time and waste money fooling with Putative Father Registry's to rule out the father's rights, when a simple DNA test would do the trick. The Putative Father Registry was created just to make it easier to sever father's rights in the first place. That needs to go. It is in sain to ask a man to register with the state every woman he ever sleeps with. (If you have no idea what i'm talking about, google Putative Father Registry in Ohio).

Next, open adoption agreements need to be considered LEGALLY BINDING. If the adoptive parents go back on their agreement, mediation will be done through the agency or the original lawyers or a mediation center. It is not o.k. to lie to first parents in order to get their child and then not follow through on the agreement. The laws currently back adoptive parents who do this. It is well known and is done all the time.

Next, advertising for children is disgusting and needs to be made illegal.

Next, birth certificates should never be altered and be accessible to the adoptee at all times. There should never be laws in a democratic society that only applies to certain classes of people. Adoptees are discriminated against and the non-adopted for the most part think this is o.k. because of silly myths surrounding adoption. It's not o.k. and if you were the one with a black hole for a history and an altered birth certificate, you would stand up and agree immediately.

Adoption should be separate from profit. That is the biggest problem. If that happens, everything else will easily fall into place because certain people don't stand to benefit over others.

[lkb0714]

Illinois adoptee, agree with all of the above. And while I do find it distasteful to advertise for a child, I doubt you can make it illegal, as it restricts freedom of speech.

[adopteeWPD]

Originally Posted by FauxClaud

Part of the problem.. no there is NOT funding for these efforts. People speak out and do what they can, but the agencies have millions backing them and we are all volunteer based.

Well, yes to everything FauxClaud said, and a huge yes to this. Considering that agency lobby groups get federal funds to promote relinquishment and adoption, it's feels like a bit of an uphill battle.

But when I think of adoptees who continue to struggle to obtain their own original documents and personal information, which their own government keeps from them, I can't stop fighting for them just because it's hard.

I can't stop fighting for the young adoptees who cannot speak up for their own rights.

I can't stop fighting for those still unborn, who are sought after while still in their mothers wombs, or for the women carrying them, to whom people market themselves in hopes of getting their babies.

I don't just want a change in laws; I want a change of hearts.

[MirrenC]

Originally Posted by adopteeWPD

Well, yes to everything FauxClaud said, and a huge yes to this. Considering that agency lobby groups get federal funds to promote relinquishment and adoption, it's feels like a bit of an uphill battle.

But when I think of adoptees who continue to struggle to obtain their own original documents and personal information, which their own government keeps from them, I can't stop fighting for them just because it's hard.

I can't stop fighting for the young adoptees who cannot speak up for their own rights.

I can't stop fighting for those still unborn, who are sought after while still in their mothers wombs, or for the women carrying them, to whom people market themselves in hopes of getting their babies.

I don't just want a change in laws; I want a change of hearts.

Agreed!

There is no funding for adoptee rights except what we ourselves put into it; fighting against the deep pockets of the NCFA, etc., is very difficult, but I am committed to it.

It's important to keep open access to other voices, voices different than the ones that say adoption is always the best option for young parents, unmarried parents, or unexpected pregnancies, etc.

Adoption should not be a market.

[taulery]

I, too, would like to see a change of hearts, and mindests. What I mean by this is, over the years I've seen many people criticize adoptees for wanting to know who gave birth to them, wanting to know how they got to be adopted, wanting to know their own personal histories. People have been downright mean-spirited for no other reason other than the belief that adoptees should not have anything to do with these people who gave them life because their "real" parents are the ones who raised them.

This is a very slippery slope. An adoptee knows their is a secret and it is human nature to want to know the truth. For others to deny it, well, it's just cruel.

Laws do need to be changed. Altered birth certificates? This is unethical. Sealed birth certificates? Again, unethical.

Not listening to the adults who have the personal experience of living life as adoptees, well, that's just foolish. Who better to understand what adoptees feel, want, and/or need than other adoptees?

The NCFA is big business. But human beings are at stake: mothers, fathers, and their babies. These are families who are torn apart by adoption. If they want a reunion later on in life, why are so many barriers in place to prevent it? If the adoptee wants their own birth certificate, why prevent it? If the adoptee doesn't want an altered birth certificate and wants an adoption certificate, or to be adopted back by their natural parents in adulthood, that is the decision of the adults involved.