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Old 01-24-2013, 03:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
you are comparing apples and oranges. A century ago girls were expected to marry young and have big families. you were a spinster if not married by 21. hell, even in the 60's women older than 23-25 were considered spinsters with slim pickins. And remember there was no reliable birth control. With all the birth control available today there is little excuse for unplanned pregnancies. notice I said little and not no.
Right, no kudzu. My mom was 19 and married when her first child was born. She will be 70 next month. Times have changed. For teenage pregnancies, in this day and age, it isn't a good thing for all involved. There will always be exceptions to the rule.

Studies show that teenage parents are at a higher risk of poverty, low or limited education, are likely in abusive relationships (which often extends to their children), and cost society a lot of money. Their children end up in the Foster Care system at much higher rates than their non-teen counterparts and it is there, in Foster Care (not always at their birth), where the children are adopted.

At these later stages, the abuse and/or neglect to the child has already occured. And, of course, if the mother was on drugs while pregnant, then the abuse of the child began in the womb.

I don't advocate teenage pregnancy. Don't support magazines such as "teen mom" and reality shows of the same name either. IMO, it sends a bad message to other teens and implies that society has condoned the act.
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
It should also be noted that young teens may deliberately become pregnant in order to receive love. They idealize the idea of having a baby - that the baby (and perhaps the baby's father) will love them as much as they need love, and that they will receive positive attention for having a cute boyfriend and such a cute little baby. It's not uncommon for such young parents to have experienced inadequate parenting themselves, sadly, so they may view early parenthood as a positive choice that will fill in their emotional gaps.

Once the baby arrives, it may be treated much like a pretty doll by its young mother - sadly, once the cute, cuddly, pliable little baby becomes a stubborn little toddler whose favorite word is "NO!", younger (and some older) parents sometimes take their child's growing independence as personal rejection. Knowing little of typical child development patterns, young parents may take offense at perfectly normal, if difficult toddler behavior, and overreact with anger.

Teens having babies is not a positive indicator for success of either parent or child. However, teens with proper support of various kinds can successfully parent. But it's tough, tough work which requires much self-sacrifice and rapid gain of maturity and focus.
Very good point Craig! I also do not think that they are parent material. Forget about good.

As far as a stigma attached to unwed teen mothers, in certain social groups and classes it does still exist. It in indicative of a lack of responsibility ( not using birth control) not being parented and directed to relinquish the baby, which is what I would do, less education etc.

Teen pregnancy and parenthood, if you could call it parenthood, ruins lives, cuts educational opportunities short and is still not accepted in many quarters.
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Old 01-24-2013, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
2,748 posts, read 3,314,275 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
Right, no kudzu. My mom was 19 and married when her first child was born. She will be 70 next month. Times have changed. For teenage pregnancies, in this day and age, it isn't a good thing for all involved. There will always be exceptions to the rule.

Studies show that teenage parents are at a higher risk of poverty, low or limited education, are likely in abusive relationships (which often extends to their children), and cost society a lot of money. Their children end up in the Foster Care system at much higher rates than their non-teen counterparts and it is there, in Foster Care (not always at their birth), where the children are adopted.

At these later stages, the abuse and/or neglect to the child has already occured. And, of course, if the mother was on drugs while pregnant, then the abuse of the child began in the womb.

I don't advocate teenage pregnancy. Don't support magazines such as "teen mom" and reality shows of the same name either. IMO, it sends a bad message to other teens and implies that society has condoned the act.
Agree with all of this! Well said! Today it is rare to see a nineteen year old bride. I think that is a good thing. Teen pregnancy and parenthood is more prevalent and it is associated with all of the social maladies that you mention.

I knew about the television show, but a magazine? It makes me sick to hear that.
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Old 01-24-2013, 08:39 PM
 
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I guess what makes me sad about adoption sometimes, is that it really shows how life is "unfair" sometimes.

Women get pregnant, maybe they already have two or three kids, and just can't afford another one, or the Father of the child bolts. The study does not surprise me.
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,565 posts, read 83,080,621 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taulery View Post
If she were alive today, my dear friend who died at age 96, would tell you this statement makes a mockery of her. She married at age 16, had her first child at 17, had a beautiful portrait taken, went on to have 15 more pregnancies, and 3 infants died within days of birth, so 12 children who lived.

True, she was lucky she had a wonderful husband.

My grandmother had 12 children. And she was a teen mother, married.

There is a problem with our society in how we approach teen pregnancies. If we continue to put thm down, there will problems.

How many married men in their 30s actually give a damn about their kids? Many husbands run around and leave their wives because they just run around.
you are talking about a totally differnent generation, a time when young girls did marry at 15,16 or 17 and had large families, often to work on the farms or help in a family business, but not always. Generally speaking teens are not prepared for motherhood, especially when there is no daddy or a daddy that is young, uneducated and not ready for fatherhood.

I don't know about your life or those you are associated with, but there are many fathers, yes, in their 30s that are a part of their kids lives and are outstanding fathers. There have always been men who do not care about families, since the beginning of time and there have always been people (men and women) who commit adultery, but it is the exception not the rule and much less likely to happen when a couple is more mature than a 16 year old.
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Old 02-02-2013, 05:35 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,555 posts, read 23,062,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
you are talking about a totally differnent generation, a time when young girls did marry at 15,16 or 17 and had large families, often to work on the farms or help in a family business, but not always. Generally speaking teens are not prepared for motherhood, especially when there is no daddy or a daddy that is young, uneducated and not ready for fatherhood.

I don't know about your life or those you are associated with, but there are many fathers, yes, in their 30s that are a part of their kids lives and are outstanding fathers. There have always been men who do not care about families, since the beginning of time and there have always been people (men and women) who commit adultery, but it is the exception not the rule and much less likely to happen when a couple is more mature than a 16 year old.

Totally agree. Sixteen is not the right time in our age and culture, to give birth and raise a baby. Most sixteen year olds have far better things to do, such as completing high school, applying to college, enjoying themselves and having fun, in addition to the completion of the developmental tasks of growing up. Because like it or not, a 16 year old is not an adult. Her or she is still a child.

Any developmental psychologist would agree that this is far from the optimum time to have children.
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Old 02-05-2013, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,565 posts, read 83,080,621 times
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Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Totally agree. Sixteen is not the right time in our age and culture, to give birth and raise a baby. Most sixteen year olds have far better things to do, such as completing high school, applying to college, enjoying themselves and having fun, in addition to the completion of the developmental tasks of growing up. Because like it or not, a 16 year old is not an adult. Her or she is still a child.

Any developmental psychologist would agree that this is far from the optimum time to have children.
My nieces daughter got pregnant the first time at 15 or 16. The family was already pretty disfunctional. Anyway long story, short, she kept her son, only to end up living with my sister (her own mom didn't really want anything to do with her or so the story goes) anyway, by age 22 she had 3 illegitimate kids and another with her husband who she divorced before the baby was born. She ended up giving 2 of the 4 kids up for adoption. No way was she able to support her kids, she never graduated from highschool I don't think and she had so much baggage to carry. Everyone suffered, my sister, her daughter (our neice) I am sure all 4 kids and anyone else involved in the nightmere. Had she decided to give her first baby up who knows what the future might have held for her? Of course her mother was't much help..
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Old 02-05-2013, 04:24 PM
 
16,564 posts, read 13,972,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
My nieces daughter got pregnant the first time at 15 or 16. The family was already pretty disfunctional. Anyway long story, short, she kept her son, only to end up living with my sister (her own mom didn't really want anything to do with her or so the story goes) anyway, by age 22 she had 3 illegitimate kids and another with her husband who she divorced before the baby was born. She ended up giving 2 of the 4 kids up for adoption. No way was she able to support her kids, she never graduated from highschool I don't think and she had so much baggage to carry. Everyone suffered, my sister, her daughter (our neice) I am sure all 4 kids and anyone else involved in the nightmere. Had she decided to give her first baby up who knows what the future might have held for her? Of course her mother was't much help..

Oooo are we going to play the anecdote game now?

My daughter's first boyfriend was one of my students. He was born to a mother who was only 15 when he was born. He never knew his father. He is a smart, well adjusted, brilliant young man. He also graduate *** laude in three years and just started his grad work.

He was also his mother's only child, and she finished high school, went to college, and managed to raise an amazing child. So not only are most birthmothers NOT teenagers, not all teen moms are the scum many on this forum make them out to be. Mothering is hard work, teenmothering is harder work, but is not the death sentence for mother and child the APs on this forum make it out to be.
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Old 02-05-2013, 04:28 PM
 
16,564 posts, read 13,972,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Totally agree. Sixteen is not the right time in our age and culture, to give birth and raise a baby. Most sixteen year olds have far better things to do, such as completing high school, applying to college, enjoying themselves and having fun, in addition to the completion of the developmental tasks of growing up. Because like it or not, a 16 year old is not an adult. Her or she is still a child.

Any developmental psychologist would agree that this is far from the optimum time to have children.
And guess what? Adoption is not the IDEAL either. If you are going to make statements about the "ideal" than you had best be prepared to deal with that backlash. Adoption is making the best out of a bad situation, fundamentally.

The ideal situation is a married mother and father, with an upper middle class income, a stay at home mom, and the parents are the biological parents of the child. But since that doesn't always happen, adoption is a viable, good alternative. Well for some teen parents, they can make a good situation out of a less than ideal time to make a family.
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Old 02-05-2013, 05:49 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,977,213 times
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Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
The ideal situation is a married mother and father, with an upper middle class income, a stay at home mom, and the parents are the biological parents of the child.
Says who? This is just one of many scenarios that may be deemed "ideal." Adoption may not always be an absolute ideal option but it depends on the situation. Most of the time it is. But, also, the situation you've described above cannot guarantee 100% that the children will be raised "ideally."

All birthmothers may not be teenagers but when they are, it isn't an ideal situation.
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