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I guess whatever works although I would never of advertised for a child on Craiglists but we did not have that need because we were looking at adopting a child with special needs and eventually connected via an adoption network with a private agency that had an infant with special needs even though our intention was to adopt an older child because we were told that only children 7 years and older would be available and that would have also worked. I did read all the adoption books and publications at that time and the horror stories were heart-breaking. Ours is not an open adoption and the birthmother was not interested in such an arrangement and neither were we. Whenever people become desperate, there is lot of room for problems.
I disagree with any of these types of advertising - whether it is the prospective adopting parents or attorneys, agencies, facillitators. It used to be illegal (within the last generation) and believe it still is in some states depending on who is advertising. It used to fall under either grey or black market adoptions and is a short ride to the bottom of the slippery slope the same as paying outrageous expenses.
I can't imagine if my story started with: We wanted a baby and here is the ad we placed on Craigslist to find you. We set up a 1-800 number so we could screen-out those undesireable ones. We got business cards aka pass-along-cards to hand out to everyone saying we wanted a baby. We had a websiteand everything. It sends chills down my spine just writing about it...
Adoption has to be treated as a sacred process and that isn't happening today - this is a child we are talking about - not a used car, or an old couch you want to get rid of. We aren't pieces of merchandise to be advertised for, bargained for, treated as a commodity one has the the other one wants.
My advice based on my opinion: If you would not want to tell your child that you did something so cheap and degrading then don't do it - because it is their story and they deserve to know it.
People talk a lot about how bad my era was but at least they called this type of practice for what it was and held congressional hearings and revamped the laws to put more safeguards in place. Time to get back to making adoption about the best interests of the child - whether staying with the parents or being adopted but only based on what is best for the child.
nobody is disputing what is best for the child. In the olden days there were plenty of available babies for adoption and if a couple wanted one they simply applied with the state or adoption agency. Today they are scarce and people have to use what is available to them to get the word out. Social media in the form of craigslist, FB, and all others should be used legally and fairly to make a good match. We all have to realize we cannot go back to the olden days.
With adoption agencies scrapbooks and photos and letters of recommendations are used to sway birth mothers to pick couples for their child. It becomes a beauty and popularity contest. Don't you think the child will be shown "This is the scrapbook we made to convince your birthmother we were the best out of all the others to adopt you" How is that any different than an initial inquiry on craigslist? I don't think anybody is espousing making a listing on CL , set a meeting time and place and handing over the kid. This story is not that at all. I said as long as legal proceedings are following I think it is just another tool.
Actually Kudzu - I was talking about the mid to late 70's when there was a dearth of available healthy white infants...it did not matter how many couples wanted babies - it was solely on doing it right. I can post newspaper articles on it if you are interested.
A profile done for an agency is night and day different than an ad on craigslist.
Eh, I don't see people scouring for pregnant women on Craig's List any more objectionable than placing a budget ad in the Pennysaver back in the day right there next to the Yard Sale announcements. Heck, on Craigs List and in the Pennysaver, people can advertise their desire for a viable pregnant woman AND plan their weekend of cruising yard sales for other people's stuff! Convenient! People gotta do what they gotta do when the tiny human being supply ain't meeting the demand.
Although, I have always wondered how many vulnerable pregnant women in crisis sit around and think gee, let me cruise Craig's List to see if there is anyone running an ad there who might want to raise my baby. I thought the same about those Pennysaver ads too in the pre-Internet days. I'd think that people gong the Craig's List route are more likely to be scammed by someone pretending to be pregnant or something. But that's what happens when adoption arrangements are allowed to occur in a barely-regulated environment. Let the Craig's List poster beware.
Exchanging pets on Craigslist is considered by some to be unethical, but somehow exchanging children is OK because there is a shortage and the wants of the privileged and entitled must be met? The things I read on the adoption forum never cease to amaze me.
This seems so wrong to me. And icky. But then, that was my opinion of this kind of advertising in general when we attended adoption info sessions. We never ended up having to make a concrete decision, but in early discussions, my husband and I decided we didn't think we would participate in the advertising portion of the agency. It felt wrong and uncomfortable for us.
The problem is this- because there's typically additional fees for advertising, a lot of agencies don't send mothers info on the non-advertising prospective parents. Which isn't really fair or ethical. But then, much in the adoption industry is not fair or ethical.
I have no problem, per se, with word of mouth matches, as ours was, or matches made within an agency/lawyer that didn't involve advertising particular parents via special webpages, Facebook, etc. Unfortunately, as mentioned, with supply not meeting demand, people are going to come up with creative ways of getting what they want.
One thing concerns me with the Craigslist thing is the lack of oversight. How is a mom matching on Craigslist going to get proper counseling unless the prospective parents offer to pay for a counselor? These are babies, not a used car. Who follows up once the baby is placed? So disturbing.
This seems like a very bad idea, fraught with all sorts of dangers of various kinds for all involved. That said, I've seen ads from couples wanting to adopt in lots of big city newspapers, and I find these equally appalling.
It's sad that desperation drives people to such tactics, though I have to wonder if those who do this have been rejected previously by ethical adoption agencies for some reason which is perceived as making them likely to be poor parents...
Somewhere I had it in my head that there was this mythical adoption agency that ethically matched up children who needed homes with people who were emotionally and financially able, as best could be judged without a crystal ball, to create an environment in which the child would thrive. That they did this based on an experienced, educated, altruistic, carefully thought out process not at all resembling judging American Idol contests. Live & Learn.
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