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I don't know if you have told her that you are not interested in hearing about her religion all the time and you are not interested in being converted. That is the first step. Do it nicely at first but if she continues, then you might have to get nasty about it. There are some people that that is the only way they will understand.
Cat
That's really it in a nutshell. "I'm glad you've found something that has so much meaning for you, but I'm really not interested in discussing it," followed by "Please stop bothering me" if that doesn't work.
You have to remember, you're not dealing with someone who understands the concept of respectful interaction with others, or you wouldn't be in this situation. The concept of common courtesy means nothing to her because she's on a Mission From God, so there's no sense trying to find a solution that lies within the boundaries of common courtesy. With people like this, you usually need to go almost directly to "get out of my face, please," and just accept that your relationship with her will be forever strained.
But then again, it already is, isn't it? And that's never going to change as long as she keeps screeching "jesusjesusjesus" every time she opens her mouth, is it? So what have you got to lose?
I too am willing to listen to opposing points of view, but my toleration extends only to points of view which have some reasonable basis and are being presented in a reasonable manner.
And to that I would add, points of view coming from someone who respects my right not to be interested. If I tell you that I'm not interested in hearing about your religious views, that's not some secret code for "please make a frantic effort to convert me." It means, "I'm not interested in hearing about your religious views." And the subtext to that is, "get out of my face, or you're not going to like my next choice of phrasing anywhere near as much."
If you are a professional, handle it professionally. Since you are both adults, take her to lunch and discuss the issue. I would explain that while I am very happy she finds comfort in her faith, it is a private issue. I would explain that discussing anyone's faith in the workplace makes me very uncomfortable because our coworkers come from such diverse backgrounds. I would add that I would like to be excluded from those conversations in the future because I do not want to be involved in discussions that might be offensive to others. Of course, I would emphasize that I feel we could become very good friends, and I would love to hear about her other interests. I might even try to see if there is some common ground or an activity we might share.
I am an atheist. I find faith discussions very annoying at work; however, it sounds like this was a life changing decision for her. It seems she has lost her family and past friendships. She might be very lonely, and simply looking for some new connections. I would try to be supportive, considerate, and compassionate to her situation; however I would make my stance on my involvement in her faith discussions at work clear.
yeah, the old "handle like adults" works so well in a political charged location like werk. He'll be run out of town if he tries that. not to mention if anything near race is an issue, she will through that up and they will toss him out. truth be derned.
yeah, the old "handle like adults" works so well in a political charged location like werk. He'll be run out of town if he tries that. not to mention if anything near race is an issue, she will through that up and they will toss him out. truth be derned.
I guess you can always act like child too, but I found being polite and direct with others the best method for me. Sometimes, people take it wrong; however, if presented correctly, being honest and compassionate seems to work. It is much more preferable to ignoring the behavior and building resentment, trying to play some Jedi mind game in reverse psychology, or making snarky comments at your team members expense. I have used this tactic in my profession, and I have never been tossed out or ran out of town. Your mileage may vary.
You don't like what she does at work.... but you accepted her FB friend request? That makes no sense. Use your brain next time and don't accept friend requests from people who bother you.
It may not be so simple. Some workplaces have an expectation that you will accept coworkers' facebook friend requests.
In this type of situation, the person will have to create separate groups for posting personal stuff and exclude people from work or select coworkers, depending on the situation. Then on occasion he or she can post innocuous stuff to everyone so as to appear to be playing the facebook game. The OP can always block her from whatever posts she is not to see.
Some employers expect there to be an overlap with work and employees' personal lives. In my experience, these tend to be small employers who view themselves as a family. All the places I ever worked where someone in power described the people there as a family were awful places to work.
I guess you can always act like child too, but I found being polite and direct with others the best method for me. Sometimes, people take it wrong; however, if presented correctly, being honest and compassionate seems to work. It is much more preferable to ignoring the behavior and building resentment, trying to play some Jedi mind game in reverse psychology, or making snarky comments at your team members expense. I have used this tactic in my profession, and I have never been tossed out or ran out of town. Your mileage may vary.
lmao, yeah, I can toss my wubbie at her. that'll learn ya.
All the places I ever worked where someone in power described the people there as a family were awful places to work.
^^^ Yep. It is inherently patriarchal, and in this case, patriarchy is bad even for dudes.
During a brief period of insanity I quit working as a contractor and took standard W-2 employment. The company, it turned out, was run this way. I remember the owner getting up in front of everyone and saying, "This is my house. When you live in my house, you play by and respect my rules".
My direct report was a guy with Daddy issues who seemed hand picked to be the sort of person who would move heaven and earth to please the owner / father stand-in, since he could never accomplish that with his own father. He worked 20 hour days on a regular basis (and he had a wife and child). He issued an edict that no one could go home until their direct report went home. I of course simply left sometime between 5 and 5:30 every day; I wasn't getting paid THAT much, or anything close to it. Besides, I was outperforming my predecessor easily (he had hidden a Zip drive [remember those?] behind his computer and was using the company's fast Internet connection to download porn all day).
But that wasn't good enough for my boss, who I'll call Greedy Dave. I got increasingly ominous / suggestive emails about me not hanging around while he foundered about trying to Get Things Done until 10 or 11 pm. I told him his willingness to prostitute himself to the owner was his issue, not mine. I think his last email to me was "in the end, there will be no slackers".
No matter, I was out of there shortly after. But to his credit, I did get an email from him a year or so later with the subject line, "the mother of all apologies". After the owner used him up and threw him away (they always do), he came to his senses and realized he had treated me and others badly, and set about eating humble pie with those he had harmed.
Much earlier I had worked for a less cynical, more well-meaning guy who was simply tone deaf. Before I came on board, he would get wage concessions out of his workers, offering them the use of his hunting cabin in exchange, then when money was a little tight he sold the hunting cabin and did not see why he needed to then raise their wages either, because after all, money was tight. We all need to pull together in this little family of ours, right? But that's not the deal for employees. It's not all for one and one for all; it's "I'd rather be doing something fun but if you pay me enough money I'll do stuff for you". At any rate, this particular business ended up unionized and the owner had no one to blame but himself.
Trying to apply a "big happy family" paradigm to the workplace is the wrong metaphor in the wrong context. Consistently such people seem to be either propagating or trying to work out family-of-origin issues of their own. And I want no part of other people's psychological issues at work.
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
2,307 posts, read 2,767,881 times
Reputation: 2610
Step 1.
I will tell him / her nicely that you are not interested.
Anytime he / she shows you videos, refuse to watch it politely.
Step 2.
If it fails: Report him / her to the HR for harassment.
Step 3.
If it fails and it will since per what you said the HR takes things like this lightly, do the same thing to him / her.
Show him / her some videos that he / she will obviously hate. Repetitively. Like satanic ritual or something like that.
Step 4.
If it fails again and then when he / she reports you to HR, you can tell HR that you had already reported what he / she did to you and you basically do the same thing to him / her.
Last edited by asiandudeyo; 08-24-2015 at 07:58 AM..
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