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So the other day I took my 5year old daughter to Ikea so I could get some dressers. I let her go into the daycare/play area while shopping. Upon picking her up a little girl calls her back over and whispers something in her ear. My daughter then comes up to me and says "Mom can I get a bible?" I was shocked and angry! I said "Did you hear that from that girl" And pointed. The little girl said "yes, she has been learning about Jesus Christ". So I take my daughter to the car and tell her that Jesus is not real and she should not believe something just because someone tell you it. She tells me that the girl is older then her and very smart. She tells me if she is good she will go to heaven and if not she will be dammed. I try to tell her that what the girl said was just fairy tale stories, but she is arguing it with me because the little girl told her it was true. I tell her to ask her father, who I thought would back me up. However when she asked "daddy is Jesus real" He says "yes, thats what I was taught". Ok so now I'm mad because I know for a fact that my husband has serous doubts about if Christianity is real. And we have had some deep conversion about what he believes and it is not where near what is considered Christian. So we argue, I tell him why don't you tell her the truth? The truth that you really are not sure if the bible and Christianity is real and you just don't know. Why tell her yes its real if that's not what you really believe.
His argument is that teaching her Christianity is "better than nothing" and "Christianity teaches you to have morality and teaches goodness. Also "it can't hurt"
My argument is we should not teach her something we don't believe in simple out of tradition.
Some back ground on our religious beliefs
I was raised christian lite, we went to church on Easter and few sundays out of a year, said grace and thanked God whenever anything good happened and blamed the devil when ever anything bad happened. I feel I was always agnostic. Religions have always fascinated me and I have always tried to find a path to god that I can believe in. However the more educated I get the more I disbelieve that any of us has the answer. More I feel like that's not the point of life at all and if God wanted us to follow a religion it would be crystal clear. I strongly believe that all religions are just us trying to understand something we were never meant to understand and can never really know. God can't be proven or disproved. God has not given us and directions
My husband was raised moderately Christian. He can't quote anything from the bible and does not even own a bible. He is a traditional Christian. Basically says he is a Christian because "i was born a Christian" When we talk about aspects of Christianity that I don't believe or like most times he agrees with me that it does not make sense and half the time he didn't realize those thing where even in the bible. He expresses doubt in the bible and dislikes people who always want to pray about issues. He is from Africa and gets pretty upset when tragic things happen and his people just pray about it. He says stuff like "I believe God is a scientist" Being in the Black community plus he is from African it's impossible for him to admit he is not christian.
So the question is, what do you teach your children? My husband whats to take our children to church, because "its better than nothing" I have learned from the Ikea incident that I have to start teaching her something or someone else will. I have been looking for a religion or church to join so my children have something to grapple with. Maybe Buddism or Unitarian. I just really feel like I need to tell the children that "we are X" And " We believe in XYZ" I can no longer just say "I don't know". Because they will believe someone who claims to know the answers. please help
So the question is, what do you teach your children?
I teach my children about the values I believe in. I also teach them about science. One of the first things I showed my children when they were toddlers was the moon and the phases it goes through. They have been excited about the moon ever since. :-)
I don't think you should try to keep religion away from your child. There is no reason she shouldn't read the Bible or any other scripture if that's what she wants to do. You can guide her about what you believe, but she should find her own path in life and what speaks to her. It should be an individual journey.
Here's how I raised my child - no mythological creatures at all. No santa. No tooth fairy. No boogyman. Then no god and no jesus just goes right along with it.
We often spoke of how some people believed differently and that was ok. But we also told her it was not ok for others to tell her what she believed was wrong, just as she shouldn't tell others what they believed was wrong.
Here's my story: when she was 5 we took her to the Magic Kingdom for the first time. As we were in the parking lot (it was a surprise, she had no idea where we were) we told her that she would get to go in and she would see Mickey and Minnie and that they would be in the real world and she could actually touch them and hug them. She was very happy about going to Disney but she also said to us "but it's just someone in a costume".
She got it. She really had it by age 5. Mickey and Minnie were characters and they were dressing up, just like at Halloween. It didn't make the experience less fun, but she also had a good grasp that this was all just play and pretend.
The main challenge is to share your respective beliefs without undermining each other... a problem for which there isn't always an easy solution. And it is perfectly okay to not have all the answers. I've never stood in the way of my husband bringing the kids to church, teaching them the bible, and all that. I'd like to say that respect toward my beliefs is always mutual, but I'd be lying.
Just yesterday, my 11-year-old confided to me that he's afraid I'm going to go to hell (note: my husband did not tell him that; my son deduced it after reading about salvation). While I was really upset over this needless worry being put in his heart, I just asked him if he thought I should go to hell. "No way! You're nice to everyone and take good care of us!" was his answer. So, I explained to him that not all Christians think that nonbelievers go to hell, because people each interpret the bible differently (and provided a couple examples). And then later mentioned it to my husband that he might want to have a follow-up discussion with the lad on this one, because Christianity becomes less appealing to a kid when he thinks his mom will go to hell.
I don't if I handled it ideally (the topic did come out of left field), but I guess my intention is to let him know that he can be Christian (or any other belief system) if that is what he believes, but that he still has the right to think for himself and decide which kind of Christian he wants to be.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 06-17-2016 at 10:27 AM..
So the other day I took my 5year old daughter to Ikea so I could get some dressers. I let her go into the daycare/play area while shopping. Upon picking her up a little girl calls her back over and whispers something in her ear. My daughter then comes up to me and says "Mom can I get a bible?" I was shocked and angry! I said "Did you hear that from that girl" And pointed. The little girl said "yes, she has been learning about Jesus Christ". So I take my daughter to the car and tell her that Jesus is not real and she should not believe something just because someone tell you it. She tells me that the girl is older then her and very smart. She tells me if she is good she will go to heaven and if not she will be dammed. I try to tell her that what the girl said was just fairy tale stories, but she is arguing it with me because the little girl told her it was true. I tell her to ask her father, who I thought would back me up. However when she asked "daddy is Jesus real" He says "yes, thats what I was taught". Ok so now I'm mad because I know for a fact that my husband has serous doubts about if Christianity is real. And we have had some deep conversion about what he believes and it is not where near what is considered Christian. So we argue, I tell him why don't you tell her the truth? The truth that you really are not sure if the bible and Christianity is real and you just don't know. Why tell her yes its real if that's not what you really believe.
His argument is that teaching her Christianity is "better than nothing" and "Christianity teaches you to have morality and teaches goodness. Also "it can't hurt"
My argument is we should not teach her something we don't believe in simple out of tradition.
The part I bolded suggests that she has heard this in other places besides this one little girl. I would try to find out who was feeding her Christian doctrine (might be your husband's family or even yours).
Now as to what and how to teach her at 5, I would get a book on World Religions so she can see the many different beliefs people have.
The first thing is that just because we (mom really) pushed them out doesn't mean we know whats best. Or that they (that child) is more important than everbody else.
A good religious studies program. Teach them about the basic beliefs of ALL the main religions. That will cause them to understand that different cultures are taught different things by their parents.
A good religious studies program. Teach them about the basic beliefs of ALL the main religions. That will cause them to understand that different cultures are taught different things by their parents.
Yes ... basic religious literacy is important, not only because religion has such outsized influence on culture throughout history, but so that a child has an objective understanding of the diversity of common religious ideology that they will encounter, and can put it in proper perspective. Then when they encounter it, it won't be "out of left field" and cause needless confusion. It will be just like the poster above, whose 5 year old already understands that Mickey and Minnie Mouse are "just people in costumes".
I suppose there are some who would say that you're stealing a child's sense of wonder by doing that, but I never liked the idea of lying to children. It might be a delightful or comforting lie in the short run, but eventually they will figure out that you lied to them. Do you want to live with that as a parent? And possibly lay the groundwork for them to accept the comforting lies of theism from others?
And possibly lay the groundwork for them to accept the comforting lies of theism from others?
Even though I personally believe that religion is a lie, I still think religion serves a purpose. People find hope and comfort in religious beliefs such as prayer, heaven, afterlife, nirvana or what have you. And of course, great works of art, literature and things like that have come from belief in religion. I want my children to discover these and other ideas on their own and see if they are inspired by them. I would not want to deprive them of such knowledge.
Coming to atheism has been a long spiritual journey for me and I want it to be the same for my children if that is their destiny.
Even though I personally believe that religion is a lie, I still think religion serves a purpose. People find hope and comfort in religious beliefs such as prayer, heaven, afterlife, nirvana or what have you. And of course, great works of art, literature and things like that have come from belief in religion. I want my children to discover these and other ideas on their own and see if they are inspired by them. I would not want to deprive them of such knowledge.
Coming to atheism has been a long spiritual journey for me and I want it to be the same for my children if that is their destiny.
I don't mind if my children eventually were to decide for themselves to be theists but it's a decision I'd prefer they make when they are more mature and to make it despite being fairly well informed about the full range of theistic ideology. I do not want, say, an 8 year old to be frightened into authoritarian religion by other 8 year olds.
That said, some children are very curious about such things from a very young age and I have no problem with them exploring religion under trustworthy adult supervision. My stepdaughter was one such child and her mother bought her a children's Bible story book and read from it at bedtime along with other literature. She grew up to be quite involved in her biological father's church, until she took catechism and decided it was all BS and told them so. To my knowledge that ended her interest at about the age of 18. I think if she went to church now it would be purely for social reasons. But guess what ... if she had arrived at other conclusions and taken the theistic path, that would not be an issue for either her biological or step parents. Nor, now that she's an adult, any of our business in any case.
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