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The article's slant is on the negative side ("Consumerist Church of Fitness" and stressing the - IMO reaching - connection with prosperity gospel churches, my favorite church subsection to loathe), but there are some positive points as well.
I sort of expected to find this community in the yoga class and the water aerobics classes I went to for a bit, but they were both the most amazing high-school level "mean girl" cliques I've seen, well, since high school. The article mention the sort of by-design exclusion of non-white, older, less fit clients, which I have certainly seen in the local gym.
I get the search for a community, though, and the gym seems to fit a lot of that.
The article's slant is on the negative side ("Consumerist Church of Fitness" and stressing the - IMO reaching - connection with prosperity gospel churches, my favorite church subsection to loathe), but there are some positive points as well.
I sort of expected to find this community in the yoga class and the water aerobics classes I went to for a bit, but they were both the most amazing high-school level "mean girl" cliques I've seen, well, since high school. The article mention the sort of by-design exclusion of non-white, older, less fit clients, which I have certainly seen in the local gym.
I get the search for a community, though, and the gym seems to fit a lot of that.
Unless you take classes I don't think there's a prayer of finding "community" at a gym. In my experience everyone is jacked into their ear buds and has no desire for small talk; they're "in the zone". It's nearly as bad as imagining you'll meet new people out walking.
Even in classes, the level of competitiveness, posturing and preening could be problematic for many.
Volunteer and charitable work, political campaigns, churches, group therapy, special interest groups and the like all sound like better possibilities.
Always seemed like the most desperate venue. I had to do 20 group sessions at a local outpatient rehab center after my DWI in 2008, and aside from enjoying the presence of one fellow attendee who appeared to be a grad student at SUNY Buffalo and who kept making fun of Nancy Reagan's approach to combating drugs (I think he was writing a thesis on the history of the futility of the War on Drugs...his commentary was often unwelcome by the presiding therapist(s)), I never got much out of the sessions. Plenty of decent-seeming people, but when you group opiate addicts with alcoholics with...people like me who were there for legal reasons, I'm not sure how much we had in common. Plus, you tended to get different people every time, as there was a bunch of flexibility for attending sessions and what must have been a decently sized pool of people from which we were drawing. I quit about 12 sessions in and talked my 'DDP (Drinking Driver Program, it was called) program coordinator' into getting me in with the most lenient counselor available to finish up my required therapy work (and she required one-on-one sessions only). I guess it's a 'YMMV' situation which I'm sure would improve if one happens to find even a single person with whom one could relate, but...ironically, it's a lot easier to find 'community' at a bar, heh.
Gym culture is terrible, period. No YMMV disclaimers from me on this one
Lol if I'm going to be totally honest that is what I really wanted to say, but I'm over-compensating for my innate hatred of physical exercise. I belong to a gym only because I'm diabetic and must torment myself in various ways to remain "healthy".
Always seemed like the most desperate venue. I had to do 20 group sessions at a local outpatient rehab center after my DWI in 2008, and aside from enjoying the presence of one fellow attendee who appeared to be a grad student at SUNY Buffalo and who kept making fun of Nancy Reagan's approach to combating drugs (I think he was writing a thesis on the history of the futility of the War on Drugs...his commentary was often unwelcome by the presiding therapist(s)), I never got much out of the sessions. Plenty of decent-seeming people, but when you group opiate addicts with alcoholics with...people like me who were there for legal reasons, I'm not sure how much we had in common. Plus, you tended to get different people every time, as there was a bunch of flexibility for attending sessions and what must have been a decently sized pool of people from which we were drawing. I quit about 12 sessions in and talked my 'DDP (Drinking Driver Program, it was called) program coordinator' into getting me in with the most lenient counselor available to finish up my required therapy work (and she required one-on-one sessions only). I guess it's a 'YMMV' situation which I'm sure would improve if one happens to find even a single person with whom one could relate, but...ironically, it's a lot easier to find 'community' at a bar, heh.
Yeah it would be pretty much my last choice also. Just not my style. I noticed there's a local support group for parents who have had children die, which happened to me a bit over a year ago. But I already know what I would encounter in such a group: a bunch of convulsively sobbing housewives wallowing in their despair, a few pollyannas trying to lead the thing, and maybe one or two other guys, one or two of whom would probably be trolling for women. Quite a lot of the participants would be spouting religious bromides and rationalizations that would make me feel worse rather than better. Quite a lot of them would be running a covert beauty contest about how saintly and exceptional their late son / daughter was.
I knew better than to give it more than five second's consideration.
But then again, I'm an introvert and a computer geek, so what do I know. These groups spring up and persist, they must, in someone's view, do someone some good. Somehow. I'm just not feelin' it.
Lol if I'm going to be totally honest that is what I really wanted to say, but I'm over-compensating for my innate hatred of physical exercise. I belong to a gym only because I'm diabetic and must torment myself in various ways to remain "healthy".
Haha, figured I'd be blunt with this topic. Couldn't even bring myself to read the article, although I tend to like The Atlantic so I might do so later. I imagine diabetes is not much fun...I actually enjoy running, year-round even (about to go in a little while here in fact), and I have played soccer throughout my life, but the only good gym is an empty one. Thus the only time I've ever gone to a gym in my entire adult life has been a few times at like 4 AM in hotels to use the treadmill. I have zero interest in being around the sort of people who attend gyms religiously...and unfair as it might be in some cases, I do feel they are fairly generalizable. I'm sure there are random exceptions in far-flung locales throughout this country of ours, but I've yet to hear of one. I've always said to myself that if I ever joined a gym, it would have to be 24-hour and in a remote-ish location. I used to have my eye on one in the small town of Lockport NY that never seemed to have more than one car there during overnight hours...but predictably enough, it has since closed. In reality though I'm pretty content sticking with solo running/occasional biking/once-a-week soccer.
Haha, figured I'd be blunt with this topic. Couldn't even bring myself to read the article, although I tend to like The Atlantic so I might do so later. I imagine diabetes is not much fun...I actually enjoy running, year-round even (about to go in a little while here in fact), and I have played soccer throughout my life, but the only good gym is an empty one. Thus the only time I've ever gone to a gym in my entire adult life has been a few times at like 4 AM in hotels to use the treadmill. I have zero interest in being around the sort of people who attend gyms religiously...and unfair as it might be in some cases, I do feel they are fairly generalizable. I'm sure there are random exceptions in far-flung locales throughout this country of ours, but I've yet to hear of one. I've always said to myself that if I ever joined a gym, it would have to be 24-hour and in a remote-ish location. I used to have my eye on one in the small town of Lockport NY that never seemed to have more than one car there during overnight hours...but predictably enough, it has since closed. In reality though I'm pretty content sticking with solo running/occasional biking/once-a-week soccer.
Yes my gym is one of those with 24 hour card access ... not that I'm going to go there at 2 am just to avoid people. I usually find the the slow-enough times where I am always at least four machines away from some grunting sweating show-off.
There's a chain of gyms called Planet Fitness that actually advertises on this issue -- they call themselves a "judgment free zone" and they have a big claxon horn and red light in each store. If anyone violates the dress code (no tank tops and spandex tights, guys) or starts showing off with the weights or whatever, one of the attendants sounds a "lunk alert" that makes everyone look at the miscreant. You should look up their commercials on YouTube, they're hilarious.
We have one of those in my town but it's quite a drive so I switched to a closer one. Planet Fitness was very affordable, offered few to no classes, the new place is much more expensive but I'll use it in the winter when walking is difficult and they have personal trainers if my wife ever talks me into one ;-)
Yeah it would be pretty much my last choice also. Just not my style. I noticed there's a local support group for parents who have had children die, which happened to me a bit over a year ago. But I already know what I would encounter in such a group: a bunch of convulsively sobbing housewives wallowing in their despair, a few pollyannas trying to lead the thing, and maybe one or two other guys, one or two of whom would probably be trolling for women. Quite a lot of the participants would be spouting religious bromides and rationalizations that would make me feel worse rather than better. Quite a lot of them would be running a covert beauty contest about how saintly and exceptional their late son / daughter was.
I knew better than to give it more than five second's consideration.
But then again, I'm an introvert and a computer geek, so what do I know. These groups spring up and persist, they must, in someone's view, do someone some good. Somehow. I'm just not feelin' it.
'Everything happens for a reason'--I'm sure that one would get thrown out there quite a bit...I fail to see how attending a group like that would make things better rather than worse. I think Fight Club ruined the idea of support groups for me. In seriousness, though, I'm not sure what the proper amount of 'long-term grieving' is, or how much repressing of painful memories/thoughts is actually 'healthy'. I don't know if there's any consensus on that, although I am aware that the conventional wisdom is that a.) dwelling/ruminating on negative thoughts (especially recurring ones) is unhealthy and b.) psychotherapy, which tends to dredge up long-repressed negative memories, is beneficial in that those memories must be addressed and dealt with in a 'healthy way'. I've had a difficult time reconciling a with b, personally...probably because I accept the truth of a and have yet to understand how b is actually accomplished, in practice. Perhaps I'm wrongly looking for some formula or explicitly stated approach when the process must necessarily vary from person to person...but as someone who does not accept much without evidence, I have struggled with the workings behind b.) for over a decade now (albeit sporadically).
Speaking of repressed memories...in the summer of 2014, I went to a coffee shop which I knew aired World Cup soccer games with the plan of taking in a game or two while switching from caffeine to alcohol at some point (gotta love European-style cafes). As luck would have it, I ran into a girl (now a woman in her late twenties) whom I knew from grade school, studying at a table by herself for medical school in the UK, if I recall correctly. She was apparently home for a few days, and I quickly remembered that she had been the one girl to play on the boys' soccer team. I also easily remembered that she had been bullied quite a bit in school--that's actually the first thing I thought of once it was confirmed that it was, in fact, her (I was about 75% sure, heh). The place was packed, and she greeted me in a friendly manner once I introduced myself (I look a bit more different from my 8th grade self than she did), so I asked if I could take the empty seat at her table, and she agreed. We talked on and off for the couple hours I sat with her, and at one point I made the tactless move of mentioning the name of her worst tormentor from grade school (I may have done this in the context of bringing up the fact that he was now dead, but even so...not my best decision). It was amazing to witness her reaction to the mention of his name. She either did a tremendous acting job at pretending she didn't know who he was, or she had legitimately blocked out his memory. Given how happy and well off she appeared to be that day, I wasn't ruling out either possibility, and I was once again led to wonder whether the successful repression of painful memories (if attainable) is really the worst defense mechanism in the world.
Last edited by Matt Marcinkiewicz; 12-08-2017 at 09:33 PM..
Yes my gym is one of those with 24 hour card access ... not that I'm going to go there at 2 am just to avoid people. I usually find the the slow-enough times where I am always at least four machines away from some grunting sweating show-off.
There's a chain of gyms called Planet Fitness that actually advertises on this issue -- they call themselves a "judgment free zone" and they have a big claxon horn and red light in each store. If anyone violates the dress code (no tank tops and spandex tights, guys) or starts showing off with the weights or whatever, one of the attendants sounds a "lunk alert" that makes everyone look at the miscreant. You should look up their commercials on YouTube, they're hilarious.
We have one of those in my town but it's quite a drive so I switched to a closer one. Planet Fitness was very affordable, offered few to no classes, the new place is much more expensive but I'll use it in the winter when walking is difficult and they have personal trainers if my wife ever talks me into one ;-)
Haha, Planet Fitness is in WNY as well, but I don't recall seeing those commercials
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