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The rest of this post I'm replying to, I could have almost written myself. But this last line has stuck with me. I have leaned in this direction myself at times. I know you also have lost a son, and I have lost a son plus a wife and brother and mother to accident and illness too, on top of all the "natural" deaths that are only going to accrue now at an accelerating pace. And I have also been through divorce. So I feel a kinship with you. Sometimes I think about my life to this point and can't but shake my head about how little it resembles how I imagined it as a youngster. In fact, how it pretty much resembles what I once despised.
I struggled with this "net assessment" and I think it comes down to an evolved tendency to pay way more attention to negatives (threat vectors) than to positives (irrelevant to perceived survival needs). Granted, all the bereavement and the failure to have the sort of love life one tends to imagine for oneself when young, loom as Things That Can't Be Unknown. Or undone. And they are big, nontrivial things. Crushed hopes, dreams and aspirations are nothing to sneeze at.
Still ... could I have possibly drawn a better card from the deck of life? Born a white anglo-saxon protestant male heterosexual in an upwardly mobile middle class family that was loving and ultimately intact? Not to mention being born into the wealthiest, freest and most technologically advanced society in the history of the human species.
And it hasn't all been bad luck. I have led a charmed life, professionally, at least. I have experienced boons that I never even imagined, not just depredations that I felt I was guarding against.
The problem is that we all only know the context of our own lives. It isn't helpful to point out that I could have been poor, minority, gay or merely a woman and had a tougher time of my life. Or had douchebags for parents or any number of other things. Disappointments and losses are still what they are.
What I have done -- for what it's worth -- is to just decide to regard all my losses as sunk costs and to dwell day-to-day and hour-to-hour on what I have rather than what I don't. And I find that it elevates how I experience life emotionally in the present.
At some point on my deathbed I still doubt I would pragmatically say, on an overall basis, that I got more out of life than I put into it in terms of netting out pleasure vs pain. At this point I can't see how that could ever be the case. But I think I'll be able to say that I made the very best of it at each stage along the way. Which is, actually, all anyone can do. Most theists can pretend death isn't the end, and assume that loose ends will be tied up in some afterlife, but it doesn't change what is actually the case. We all live for a brief moment, and through some combination of skill and luck, have a net good or bad experience, from at least certain perspectives.
I guess the other thing that helps is since I left Christianity I no longer feel entitled to a particular outcome. As a Christian, things were "supposed" to go a certain way by virtue of the fact that "god is in control" and has made certain "promises" to me, mine, and to the favored group I was supposedly part of. As an atheist, by contrast, life is just stuff happening. We try, very imperfectly, to make life "fair" or "just" for ourselves and for each other, but in the end, it's an indifferent universe plodding along on its way to heat death or whatever. And guess what: it's enough. It was a fool's errand and an ego inflation to expect more than that. Sometimes, I slip back into theistic thought habits, bemoaning my fate as if it's actually objectively "wrong" how things turned out for me. I find that I have to bring myself up short and remind myself that these are leftover mental tics from a past life, that don't represent actual, actionable reality.
A few thoughts, for what they're worth, from a fellow traveler. May you find peace in the mist of life's vicissitudes.
I do not believe in ANYTHING supernatural, although I attended a Mennonite private school for 7 years when young, Sunday School, Summer Bible School....then ended up going through catholic instruction and being baptized. I was quite religious for a while. My religious instruction however was the root cause of my beliefs' undoing.
So, I'll be 70 next month and am completely at peace with my world view, at least with respect to religious matters (wish I could say the same thing politically). Early on, I found it hard to associate with religious people. However, after spending a lot of time with a very religious coworker, I found out his beliefs were less important to me than his humor, smarts in some areas, and focus on the job. I enjoyed his company, despite the fact we were worlds apart on religious views, much more so than someone of even slightly different political views. We each knew the other's views, it just wasn't as interesting as other things we had to discuss and we were, by that time, too committed to our particular views to bother with debating them.
So, I guess I would just say, be open to meeting, and learning about, people but don't be eager to make everyone a friend. It takes a while to figure out what you can appreciate, and what you can't tolerate, in people and everyone is a different mix. People seem so much the same in some aspects, yet amazingly different. What's that saying....."I'm unique, just like everyone else."
Yes. I found that as well. That I might differ from co -workers and even friends in religious views, but they didn't really matter. No more than different tastes in music or preferred sport.
I don't know quite how they managed the Dogma. I never heard the Ray Comfort mandate to try to convert me "I don't want you to go to Hell" and I don't know whether they didn't really believe in Hell or didn't mind much if I went there but somehow we got by without it being an issue.
In fact it was more theism and religion as it ought to be and (I strongly suggest) really is: it is a club they belong to and would like you to join. I say I'm not interested and that is the end of it. There was none of the "I really have to convert you by any means possible, for your own good" about it. And perhaps because the more they tried, the more I presented reasons why they should doubt and question their own beliefs.
Hello,
Am a former Catholic here and I'd like to say that I'm in no connection to Christianity and Jesus and I've never felt so free. No longer do I fear death nor the guilt of going to confession and asking for forgiveness. I've become more tolerating to other people.
I'm in my late 20s now closing into 30 in a few years. My social circle has always been Catholic or Christians. I've shunned away other atheists. Now, in a sense, I have no actual friends. I go out on public places and such and I'm so weird and have nothing to talk about. My superiority complex of being saved and wanting nothing more than Jesus has led me literally not to know anything else.
Any former Catholics out there adopted a new philosophy? I'm still kind of empty and without a purpose other than to get rich and become a millionaire. I've had less friends now and community event. I simply can't merge into normal society. Just wanted to ask you guys how to cope with life, how to meet non religious people and basically breaking out of the Christian cult.
Boy howdy can I ever relate to this. I may not have been Catholic but a Christian is a Christian no matter what the denomination. I hope you live in an area where you are able to find like-minded people - you're pretty young so it shouldn't be that difficult. There are websites and chances are there is an atheist/agnostic group somewhere near you.
Things are pretty tough for me, I'm old, single and live in SC where everybody is religious- I've tried to find other agnostic/atheists but to no avail. There is an atheist website but it apparently is defunct because there has been zero activity. But I'm ok with that, simply because I'm an introvert anyway and don't necessarily need socializing. You'll be fine, don't give up and before you know it you'll be meeting people who think like you do. Just being free from religion should be enough for now, right?
Recovering Cath-olic here. My transition took a while. I went from Catholic to non denominational to spiritual to agnostic to atheist. I've only identified as atheist for about 2 years. It's been liberating and brutal at the same time. I finally get why the angry atheist is a thing. I'm angry about a lot of things. I was robbed then and robbed again when I woke up.
I don't have a philosophy, really. The basics are still there. Do no harm and help your neighbor being at the forefront for me. I'm just trying really hard to find the joy that went with being deluded for so long, without the delusion.
Atheists only make up about 2% of the population so pickings are slim.
I think there are more out there. Sometimes I feel like it is a "dirty little secret". Even my husband and I have never talked about it. It has never been said aloud. He still believes. I stopped many years ago.
Every so often I get to talking to someone and our "dirty little secret" comes out.
I have no desire to talk about it. Why? I am not here to convince anyone of my beliefs (or lack of) nor do I want anyone to try to "prove" to me that there is something.
I think there are more out there. Sometimes I feel like it is a "dirty little secret". Even my husband and I have never talked about it. It has never been said aloud. He still believes. I stopped many years ago.
Every so often I get to talking to someone and our "dirty little secret" comes out.
I have no desire to talk about it. Why? I am not here to convince anyone of my beliefs (or lack of) nor do I want anyone to try to "prove" to me that there is something.
That's pretty much how I feel about it. There's nothing to see here, folks.
I remember when my mother-in-law asked me when my son was going to receive his first (holy) communion. My husband was conveniently examining his shoes. I told her that might happen if her son joined a church, gave them some money, and went to a service once in a while. I never heard about it again.
Hello,
Am a former Catholic here and I'd like to say that I'm in no connection to Christianity and Jesus and I've never felt so free. No longer do I fear death nor the guilt of going to confession and asking for forgiveness. I've become more tolerating to other people.
I'm in my late 20s now closing into 30 in a few years. My social circle has always been Catholic or Christians. I've shunned away other atheists. Now, in a sense, I have no actual friends. I go out on public places and such and I'm so weird and have nothing to talk about. My superiority complex of being saved and wanting nothing more than Jesus has led me literally not to know anything else.
Any former Catholics out there adopted a new philosophy? I'm still kind of empty and without a purpose other than to get rich and become a millionaire. I've had less friends now and community event. I simply can't merge into normal society. Just wanted to ask you guys how to cope with life, how to meet non religious people and basically breaking out of the Christian cult.
Former Catholic but religion never played a big role so walking away was easy.
I think my "purpose" is to try to find joy and help spread joy - at least that's how I try to live life. Simple as that, I don't need to feel like I have a huge purpose or am going to leave a large, lasting impact.
Have you considered exploring different self-help and seeing if any resonate?
What are your hobbies and values? Can you find people/friends with similar hobbies and values (even if they're Christians)
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but somehow we got by without it being an issue.
I think there are more out there. Sometimes I feel like it is a "dirty little secret". Even my husband and I have never talked about it. It has never been said aloud. He still believes. I stopped many years ago. 
