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How many times have you, as an ATHEIST, been embarrassed by Being Asked To Say Grace in front of your friends and/or family? Or having to frantically dredge your mind for something appropriate to say that suggests you just know a good ol' blessing.
Or, alternately, how do you feel about bowing your head, eyes reverently closed, imagining the succulent turkey and cran-sauce, while some in your family fervently praise the mythic god-figure?
What would you, respectfully, do?
"Pass the potatoes, pass the meat, c'mon yall, let's eat!"
I don't get asked b/c everyone around me knows I'm atheist. So why would they bother asking? My step-MIL usually just skips the grace when I'm there and asks everyone to state why they're thankful.
I also don't bow my head. I sit politely while they pray and then I eat.
There have been a few times when an excuse was necessary, so, rather than get longwinded about it, I explained that my beliefs are private and did not allow me to express my thoughs, or thanks in public.
I have a problem with this. I see so many trying to come up w/ excuses, but why should we have to? I finally stopped and figured that if I'm not asking for an excuse for them saying grace, then why should I have to give one for not?
<disclaimer: I'm not an atheist, but I'm so far outside the mainstream of suburban American religion I get lumped in there a lot>
My sister, who is a truly lovely human being aside from her devout wish that I'd find Jesus, continues to ask my kids to say grace when we eat together at family events. Our compromise is "for what we are about to receive, may we be truly grateful". It's a somewhat reworded version of an old standard-- satisfies my sister, mostly, and its wish is pretty general. I mean, we live a pretty average life in an affluent country, we're not starving in Darfur...yeah, I think most people are grateful-- to fate, chance, pure dumb luck, Allah, the Flying Spaghetti Monster...whatever your choice is, there. (And I'm either grateful I wasn't the one who had to cook it, or I'm grateful the food seems unlikely to poison anyone.)
Mostly though, unless they're really extremely religious, I think people tend to use grace as a ceremonial start to a meal a couple of people worked darned hard to cook. Sort of a polite version of: "annnnnd...they're OFF!" So you could probably say darned near anything if the language is flowery enough.
We're closing on the fabled day! Prepare your favorite mealtime blessing, especially if you are so very fortunate to have your family, or even part of it, with you. I'd say offer a blessing on everyone who is so fortunate to be at the table, having possibly travelled in cruddy weather, through impossibly crowded airports, or on slickly glazed roads (you folks in Florida can skip this stuff...) to get there. To hug, hold hands, cuddle, kiss the family dog (yukkk!!) or cat (yummmm!!) and enjoy the blazing Yule fireplace. And enough turkey & stuffing (or tofu if that's your thing) to choke a goat, with a good WA St. Chardonnay (shameless plug) and some homemade cran-ras-orange marmalade-brandy relish.
As we face the upcoming challenges of the next year (and the next 5 years) we need to realize and appreciate the true value (and individual personal values) of our country, it's citizens and its mostly tolerant and cooperative society, and the spirit of our families.
Only once was I asked. I did what everyone else here is saying. I very politely said no. I was pressed and they insisted that I do it because I was the newest guest.
My politeness went out the window. I gently announced that I refuse to talk to some hokus pokus man on the moon. I added that I and they worked to be able to buy this food and no man in space put it there. Other workers planted, harvested, packaged it and transported it to the store. At which place we all bought it from.
I felt silly speaking such logic but they didn't see it that way. I think they forgot the day they drove to the grocery store where they bought it. They seemed convinced that some magic man wiggled their nose and filled the table with the bounty.
I ended up leaving without eating. Never spoke to any of them ever again. This was 20 something years ago. If ever I am asked to Thanksgiving dinner now I ask up front if they are going to do that nonsense so that I can say no without there being any hard feelings.
No one has ever asked me to say grace and of course my family knows better but I agree with SuSuSushi about being respectful when you're in someone else's home and they're serving you a meal. My family always says grace when I'm there at the holidays and I just bow my head and act respectful. If I was asked I would just politely say that I'm not religious. I could actually understand saying grace as a form of thanks if the Lord actually went to the supermarket, paid for the food himself and cooked up a big meal for everyone. It's been my experience that my Mother has always done those things so I have to admit I find saying grace a little confusing in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertsun41
I felt silly speaking such logic but they didn't see it that way. I think they forgot the day they drove to the grocery store where they bought it. They seemed convinced that some magic man wiggled their nose and filled the table with the bounty.
I ended up leaving without eating. Never spoke to any of them ever again. This was 20 something years ago. If ever I am asked to Thanksgiving dinner now I ask up front if they are going to do that nonsense so that I can say no without there being any hard feelings.
As a Christian, I would say that saying grace means thanking God for giving you the means and ability to do the above. If as a non-Christian, you are concerned you might be asked to say grace, I suggest looking up some inspirational non-religious "graces" to have on hand, or thank your hosts for the lovely meal, the opportunity for fellowship, etc. Or just politiely say "no".
As a Christian, I would say that saying grace means thanking God for giving you the means and ability to do the above. If as a non-Christian, you are concerned you might be asked to say grace, I suggest looking up some inspirational non-religious "graces" to have on hand, or thank your hosts for the lovely meal, the opportunity for fellowship, etc. Or just politiely say "no".
But your hokus pokus man on the moon did not give me the means to buy, make, build, plant, grow or any other means for that matter. I me myself and only me did it. And did it by myself. No outside influence be it real or fake. I chose my paths. Thanking a ghost for something he did not do is nothing different then me thanking you for providing me with food. Neither of you did it.
As I said, I was very polite but my guests felt the need to push their silly beliefs on me. So it was better to walk away then argue with them. Nothing in life is impossible to achieve except one thing: Convince others to change their beliefs....be they crazy ones or not.
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Ahem ahem..... attention!
