The absolute HARDEST thing about relocating to Boston? (Florida: transplants, neighborhood)

[LocalType]

It's not easy to integrate here. I came from 1500 miles away to take a position with my company office here. It's rough, rough, rough.

[westwind15]

Yes, it is. Almost 4 months on my job now and still, they all keep quite a wall up. They're polite, they will chat briefly, but the second the conversation turns away from them, their eyes glaze over. They have no interest in any contact with us 2 new people beyond the necessary. Its extremely isolating.

[sobo16]

LocalType and westwind15, where are you from originally? I am from the mid-Atlantic and had no problems integrating into my office, which consists of approximately 85% Massachusetts natives. I imagine it could seem like more of a different culture if I came from the south instead. I'm sorry you aren't having a good experience here. It's not like that everywhere around here though.

[LocalType]

Originally Posted by sobo16

LocalType and westwind15, where are you from originally? I am from the mid-Atlantic and had no problems integrating into my office, which consists of approximately 85% Massachusetts natives. I imagine it could seem like more of a different culture if I came from the south instead. I'm sorry you aren't having a good experience here. It's not like that everywhere around here though.

I'm a native of the South but I've been all over and haven't really ever had trouble. California, up and down the eastern seaboard, all through the flyover states, lived for a while in Maryland/D.C. There's just this weird kind of arm's-length thing here, I'm not sure how to explain it. People are perfectly cordial and will check in and chat (well, mostly!) but I don't find myself being invited to do things. Nobody offered to show me around when I first arrived. Everybody I work with knew I was 1600 miles from home at Thanksgiving and Christmas and they all seemed to want to tell me how sad it was but none offered to have me over. My grandmother recently passed, and all my office-mates knew, but not so much as a post-it note with "Sorry" on it when I got back, although everyone else has had cards passed around. I've asked people to go do things - "I'm going to go blahdeblah some Saturday, wanna come?" or "I would love to see xyz, Mr. So-and-so said you knew all about it", etc., just trying to be polite and friendly - but I get a lot of no-takers. Two or three times is about all I've been out with folks I've met here locally, not counting the occasional lunch outing at work. I told 5 or 6 people it was my birthday last month and none of them even said happy birthday except the one lady who's not from here, and she even gave me a card to boot. That was really sweet of her.

I'm trying to not complain, because there are a lot worse problems to have, but it's rough. I've never been someone who needed to have her appointment book filled to overflowing, but it's nice to go do stuff once in a while, especially in a new place.

I know it's not me, I'm super easy going and I am the first to jump and say I'm game, or let's go do something, or I'm available, or I'm happy to help, and so on. But then again, maybe it is me - maybe that turns people up here off? Haha, I never thought it would work against me to be friendly and outgoing.

One of the first things my new boss told me when I got here a couple of years ago is that in her visits back to the office I came from, she found it incredibly offputting and nosey that strangers would want to talk. I told her that's called "visiting" and it's normal, and it's the friendly thing to do. She called it weird and it made her nervous and suspicious. Doh.

Other employees that started at the same time I did, who are locals, integrated pretty effortlessly into the office. Those of us who came from other states, not so much. So it's not just me. We all get along well and good, it's not that there's animosity or anything. There's just a distinct "meh" directed in our general direction.

I don't know what it is, this reticence. I've actually read articles about this legendary cold shoulder up here. I saw a movie a year or two ago that poked fun of the very thing. The locals have even admitted it.

I've tried a couple of different approaches that haven't worked, like social groups, and I'm going to try something else here pretty soon...I'd like to get into some physical activities, take some classes, so I figure that'll be a good way to meet people. I'm the type that loves to get out and drive around and explore, so I've been all over Mass and CT, and next will be checking out northern New England and hitting Toronto at some point, just because I like meeting people and exploring new places. I've noticed once you get out of the Northeastern corridor, people are more friendly and chatty.

There's a possibility with my work that I could be transferred, and I also don't think I'd hate that. I say I really like this city and I love New England and I'm not exaggerating. But maybe it's just not meant to be?

Just like I've said before, I haven't totally given up, but at the same time I'm scratching my head over it.

[westwind15]

LocalType summed it up perfectly. It's not active dislike, just a real lack of any sign of inclusion, or interest beyond shop talk. I, too, am very friendly, and will talk to people whether I know them or not. I was born and raised in California, but I have also lived in many places and several states. I have made friends at every location - except here. Even on our 1 year stay in Baltimore, though there were sure those who snubbed me for not being a 'Local", I still made several friends at work pretty quickly. That's just not happening here. I have heard them planning out of work events, which I am never invited to. Their friendship circles are well established, and they just seem to have no interest in adding to them.

LocalType, maybe you and I should go explore Boston! And I am really sorry about your Grandmother. May she rest in Peace!

[LocalType]

Originally Posted by westwind15

LocalType summed it up perfectly. It's not active dislike, just a real lack of any sign of inclusion, or interest beyond shop talk. I, too, am very friendly, and will talk to people whether I know them or not. I was born and raised in California, but I have also lived in many places and several states. I have made friends at every location - except here. Even on our 1 year stay in Baltimore, though there were sure those who snubbed me for not being a 'Local", I still made several friends at work pretty quickly. That's just not happening here. I have heard them planning out of work events, which I am never invited to. Their friendship circles are well established, and they just seem to have no interest in adding to them.

LocalType, maybe you and I should go explore Boston! And I am really sorry about your Grandmother. May she rest in Peace!

Thank you, I appreciate that. She was an awesome lady. And yeah, that would be great! Just having somebody to grab lunch with on a Saturday or Sunday would be nice, or sometime go catch a concert, or go check out the historical sites, or just drive around and look for little shops to poke around in. I'm super easy. I just like to load up the car and go on adventures. Sometimes I plan, sometimes I just go and see where I end up.

It's funny you come from California, that's kind of where I would like to be. Hah. I don't have family there anymore but I don't have family anymore here, either, and have adjusted pretty ok...well, almost.

By the way, I remember that name of that old movie that poked fun at Boston 'outsider' culture: The Shocking Miss Pilgrim. It had me in stitches. Love Betty Grable!

[westwind15]

Count me in! I will PM you my number!

[uncalifornian girl]

California is not any friendlier, in my experience (California native). I was impressed by how friendly total strangers were in Boston, on a short trip there. I certainly don't get that special treatment from strangers in L.A.! But of course I have yet to see what it is like to live in Boston full time.

As for the whole workplace thing....really who becomes good friends with their coworkers, anywhere? Would you even want to? I wouldn't. I mean...there is the "politically correct face" we put up as a front at work, and then there is who we really are (swearing like sailors, getting drunk, having sex lives, etc.) and god forbid our coworkers (past or present) ever get wind of all that goes on in our private lives. Isn't that true anywhere? I look for friends outside of work. It's safer.

[OleSchoolFool]

Originally Posted by uncalifornian girl

California is not any friendlier, in my experience (California native). I was impressed by how friendly total strangers were in Boston, on a short trip there. I certainly don't get that special treatment from strangers in L.A.! But of course I have yet to see what it is like to live in Boston full time.

As for the whole workplace thing....really who becomes good friends with their coworkers, anywhere? Would you even want to? I wouldn't. I mean...there is the "politically correct face" we put up as a front at work, and then there is who we really are (swearing like sailors, getting drunk, having sex lives, etc.) and god forbid our coworkers (past or present) ever get wind of all that goes on in our private lives. Isn't that true anywhere? I look for friends outside of work. It's safer.

true
them snitching scheming snakes will do anyth to get u fired to take yo place
thas y when u hang wit coworkers u gotta have dirt on em too so it's a balance of powers

[OleSchoolFool]

Originally Posted by westwind15

Count me in! I will PM you my number!

and me 2!