California jokes (how much, living, shop)

[StanleysOwl]

Reading this forum could temp some kinds of folks to slit their own throats. Needs some balance to the topics. Heres a starter

A cowboy named Bud

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my animals," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep."

"Now give me back my dog."

[1AngryTaxPayer]

I love it!

[expatCA]

Originally Posted by StanleysOwl

Reading this forum could temp some kinds of folks to slit their own throats. Needs some balance to the topics. Heres a starter

A cowboy named Bud

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my animals," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep."

"Now give me back my dog."

I loved it. Spot on.

[Mr5150]

Palm Pilot??? Cingular Razr phone???

Wow, that's an old joke!

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Made me laugh! Thanks.

[RaymondChandlerLives]

Originally Posted by Mr5150

Palm Pilot??? Cingular Razr phone???

Wow, that's an old joke!

Nah, it's just that right-wingers consider Razr phones cutting edge technology, like dialup modems and TiVo.

"You mean I can save multiple episodes of 'Matlock' with this device, to watch at a later time? Goodbye VCR!" - Gump supporters last year.

[marcopolo666]

Old joke alright - I heard it 20 years ago or so.

[aslowdodge]

I've never heard it so it was new tome and pretty funny. Especially the dog part��

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by RaymondChandlerLives

Nah, it's just that right-wingers consider Razr phones cutting edge technology, like dialup modems and TiVo.

"You mean I can save multiple episodes of 'Matlock' with this device, to watch at a later time? Goodbye VCR!" - Gump supporters last year.

Originally Posted by aslowdodge

I've never heard it so it was new tome and pretty funny. Especially the dog part��

Funny to everyone but the above partisan who thought it was true.

[adr3naline]

Originally Posted by RaymondChandlerLives

Nah, it's just that right-wingers consider Razr phones cutting edge technology, like dialup modems and TiVo.

"You mean I can save multiple episodes of 'Matlock' with this device, to watch at a later time? Goodbye VCR!" - Gump supporters last year.

My god I don’t think I’ve ever read such a poorly constructed segue into politics. Almost as if it was forced. Oh wait…


I love the technical detail implying expensive software/hardware. It really ages the joke considering Photoshop/Excel/DBs/phones are now free by comparison.