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Old 01-13-2014, 09:52 AM
 
127 posts, read 240,891 times
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I am a White male so I have no dog in this fight but over the years I have been around a lot of Asian men, particularly Chinese, Korean, and Indian. Most of my life experience was spent in the United States (various states) but in the past years I have had a chance to go to Canada.

My friends and I used to work as dating coaches and help younger gentlemen meet women and improve their dating lives. When we were in Toronto we noticed a troubling trend and one that many other people learned to find out, we were getting an excessive amount of Asian men seeking dating coaches and even a higher number that expressed their feelings about being rejected for their race.

I would come to find out over the years that Asian men actually face some negative stereotypes in Western Society but I found that in places like the West Coast of the USA and NYC, there were plenty of Asian men dating White women. Now I know some of you will get angry and say "well why can't they stick to their own kind or date women of other races, why does it have to be White women" but I will talk about something else here.

Another thing that a lot of Asian men told me is that most Asian girls born and raised in Canada prefer not to go for Asian men and plus in my opinion it is always good to have options, I personally think an attractive male that is Asian, Westernized, and has a lot going for him should be able to date any race of women including White women.

My experience with Canada comes mainly from Toronto and Vancouver, I have never been to Montreal. I found that in both cities where there were sizable numbers of Asian and White people, you saw plenty of White males with Asian females but you never saw it the other way around. I saw more Black males with White females despite there being a lot less Black males than Asian males there and I mean a lot less.

I know assimilation can mean learning the culture of a given place and behaving like the people there but the ability to date and marry a native person of that country (in this case a White Canadian) is also important. It seemed like to me there was some underlying racism towards Asian males in Canada which was much worse than that found in the USA.
Is Canada generally a country where it is very difficult to Asian males to assimilate into Canadian society?
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Old 01-13-2014, 01:43 PM
 
3,274 posts, read 3,689,739 times
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It sure is.

I'm an Indian male and had no luck with white Canadian women in the Prairies.

I'm a decent, well-integrated person. I'm not sexist, homophobic or misogynistic. I'm not like a FOB who sticks to his culture and hangs out only with people of his ethnicity. I wasn't racist either, but now I am (a side topic). Maybe I would've had better luck on the West Coast, who knows, but I haven't lived there.

But the fact remains that white Canadian women always sneered at me and never gave me the time of day. It unfortunately made me very distrustful and cynical of white women, because so many of them deny that they're racist and yet have no problem telling me insulting, racist stuff like "why don't you date a nice Indian girl"?
I did end up marrying a white woman, but she isn't from North America. I think the attitude problem lies specifically with white women in the heartland of North America.

My advice to Asian males: go to really large cities in North America, like San Fran, LA, Seattle, or New York, or head for Paris, Barcelona, or Berlin. Of course you will stilll encounter racists in all these places, as well as opportunistic gold-diggers and all that jazz, but you still have a chance. In the heartland of Canada and the U.S, you have no chance at all.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:12 PM
 
127 posts, read 240,891 times
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Well when I stayed in Minnesota for a few weeks I saw a few Asian and Brown men with White women but it wasn't common, lots of Black men with White women though.

It seems like you are being judged for what other men of your race are doing and that is impacting your results with women. I know this will be offensive but a lot of Indian men I have known who were new to the US did not behave normally around women who were White and as a result women of Canada hated you for it.

Did you try your luck in Montreal at all? I heard they were more focused on culture and less on race.

Thank you for offering your experience, I know it was tough to do in front of a harsh crowd on C-D that will tell you to stick to your own race.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:24 PM
 
3,274 posts, read 3,689,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Attractively Ambigious View Post
It seems like you are being judged for what other men of your race are doing and that is impacting your results with women. I know this will be offensive but a lot of Indian men I have known who were new to the US did not behave normally around women who were White and as a result women of Canada hated you for it.

Did you try your luck in Montreal at all? I heard they were more focused on culture and less on race.
Yes, that is the same conclusion I came to. I was paying for the actions of other men of my race. What's unfair is that if a white guy is being a jerk, it doesn't impact the dateability of another, unrelated white guy. What these women don't seem to understand is that there are about half a billion Indian men. Of course some of them will be jerks.

I haven't been to Montreal but I've heard that too. I think that's a Latin vs Anglo-Saxon thing. People of Latin descent are generally more fixated on culture and language than on race. I really liked Barcelona for this reason - I stood out only because I barely spoke any Spanish. Otherwise, I felt so much more accepted there (I even had a Spanish chick flirt with me), as opposed to my own city of Saskatoon where I'm fluent in the language and have lived for ten years. That should tell you something.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:31 PM
 
127 posts, read 240,891 times
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You also have to remember that a lot of women, especially western women, tend to secretly like jerks though many won't admit it and most of the asian men I run into fit the stereotypical nice guy mold.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:33 PM
 
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I generally don't think it is a good idea for Asian men to marry white women, or white men to marry Asian women due to the cultural difference.

For example, an Asian man (Chinese or Korean) is normally supposed to take care of his aged parents, visit them very frequently and in some cases live with the parents. I am not sure a white daughter-in-law is capable of fulfilling such duties.

I know that the OP mentioned "westerninzed", but if that means loss of key traditional Asian value (taking care of old parents, spend time with them, instead of sending them to a retirement facility waiting to die), I am not sure being "westernized" is a good thing.

Western culture seems to focus a lot on families, except that old parents don't seem to be considered as family any more - let the taxpayers take care of them. Adult children seem to bear very little responsibilties. Such practices are hardly tolerated in Asian culture.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:38 PM
 
10,847 posts, read 11,250,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Attractively Ambigious View Post
You also have to remember that a lot of women, especially western women, tend to secretly like jerks though many won't admit it and most of the asian men I run into fit the stereotypical nice guy mold.
true.

For some reason, many western women seem to like high school dropouts with low IQ and little financial stability more than those straight A over-achievers who somehow look more reserved or dull.

Weird preference. There is zero point in dating a guy who can't keep a stable job or who has ever cheated, no matter how good looking, fun and charming he seems.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:39 PM
 
127 posts, read 240,891 times
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We are assuming both parties are westernized.
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Old 01-13-2014, 02:41 PM
 
10,847 posts, read 11,250,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Attractively Ambigious View Post
We are assuming both parties are westernized.
Yes, was aware of that. but what does westernized mean?
Honestly, there are hardly any Asian men who are 100% "westernized". Plus, the west doesn't have ONE single culture. The greeks are very diferent from the British for example.
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Old 01-13-2014, 03:21 PM
 
127 posts, read 240,891 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by botticelli View Post
Yes, was aware of that. but what does westernized mean?
Honestly, there are hardly any Asian men who are 100% "westernized". Plus, the west doesn't have ONE single culture. The greeks are very diferent from the British for example.
there are plenty that are mostly westernized and raised the same way as an american kid, you seem to have some sort of an agenda though
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