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Why? Everyone's entitled to their opinions, and I happened to have an issue with the OP's attitude. The OP is not exactly experiencing any real hardship and coming on here complaining about life being a suckfest when it really isn't just to get sympathy isn't something that I care to buy into.
Quote:
Originally Posted by movingwiththewind
To the OP: You should definitely disregard this post.
Why? Everyone's entitled to their opinions, and I happened to have an issue with the OP's attitude. The OP is not exactly experiencing any real hardship and coming on here complaining about life being a suckfest when it really isn't just to get sympathy isn't something that I care to buy into.
My attitude? Wow. I fully realize that I am fortunate to have a job and a roof over my head, wherever I live. I am just looking for advice on how to approach a life decision from others who may have been in a similar situation. I'm not complaining about life being a suckfest. My life has been wonderful and I thankfully haven't had to face many challenging issues.
However, you do not know me and you do not know how I might feel because this is my own situation and life. I do not need you to 'buy into' anything.... of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but if someone is seeking help or advice, why do you choose take issue with them? The situation is obviously something I am having trouble with, otherwise I would not have posted it. Do you think hearing that you believe it is not an issue helps at all? No. That is why other poster advised to disregard your post.
I do not understand why you would choose to reply to something unless you believe you can offer something helpful. For myself, if someone shared their situation and asked for advice, if they were a friend or not, I would try to see it from their point of view and see what is causing them trouble and try to help them if I could. Even if I thought it might not be a 'real hardship'. It is obviously a concern of theirs if they are looking for advice.
Thanks Netwit and NorthYorkEd, great responses and advice. It is nice to hear from people who have gone through something similar so I can gain some perspective/knowledge, but also to know I'm not crazy for being unhappy or considering another big change.
I think you nailed it that I am experiencing the 'you can't go home again' phenomenon. As I very much feel it's not so much that this place has changed much, I know what it's like (although I did mostly view it in the vacation-mode experience and memories from years ago) but I've changed as a person. I gained experience in living in other cities and also travelling other places since living here previously. I feel weird being back living permanently where I went to university and it feels I'm sort of losing the person I had become. Like none of that happened and I'm just trying to re-fit back into life here, after just a bunch of time passed. Exactly like you say netwit "Experiences that you have had in Toronto and that the people at home have not had (and vice versa) have a way of doing that, whether we want them to or not."
And then, of course, there's the job which I do not enjoy and makes it more stressful here. If I didn't mind the job or liked it, I feel I could more organically evaluate whether the location could work or not....
I know I had to try living here to figure it out, because it was in the back of my mind for awhile in Toronto and I know it affected my thinking there. Dating for example, I think I held back a little from commitment because as mentioned previously, I did not picture myself there long-term. This learning experience would free my mind up in this and other regards if I end up back there.
I agree too, that perhaps I made the move too early or in the wrong life situation. Although I thought maybe being back home would lead to meeting someone and that working out nicely, I think Toronto lends itself better to 30-something singles. It is quite normal in the city. If I was in a committed relationship and starting a family, the slower pace and smaller town would likely be ok.
At the same time, I want to guard against 'romanticizing' Toronto like I may have done for PEI. And make sure it's not just the negative feelings regarding my job influencing all my other feelings.
In terms of a long way from home, in some ways, I felt I was more "me" elsewhere. When you are away from home, you have nothing to count on but yourself. When other people meet you, they are meeting you without any expectation of who they think you should be. And when am I home, where I was born and raised, there is a sense of a burden being put back on my shoulders - it's not all a bad burden - it is just the expectations that one's familiar family and friends have of who they think you are that becomes noticeable because it was absent, if that makes any sense. There's a certain freedom that comes with not presenting one's self along with your parents, siblings, grandparents, and every stupid thing you did when you were a kid. It wasn't even something I was aware of until it was no longer there.
It isn't that I don't value family. There are pluses in life as well to having a well-established family presence in an area.
And then one discovers that some of the ideas that come with exposure to new cultures are seen as shocking to others. I have been back home now for many years but I am also nearing a stage of my life where my future will be up for grabs and so I am grappling with some of the same issues you are facing - whether to stay or not.
...in some ways, I felt I was more "me" elsewhere...when am I home...there is a sense of a burden being put back on my shoulders...just the expectations that one's familiar family and friends have of who they think you are...
Exactly my experience. Moving back home brought back all the anxieties, issues, and burdens that I thought I had left behind. In a way, it was like regressing back to a previous state, one that I had been happy to leave behind. You gradually fall into old habits and patterns of thinking, and the self you thought you had built starts to erode.
I think this is just a natural "tuning" that we do with our environments. Acclimatization. Osmosis. You just naturally absorb the influence of your surroundings. When you are in "tune" with a place, it can be jarring and unsettling to suddenly be "out of tune".
Man, this is starting to get too metaphysical. I think you know what I mean.
Exactly my experience. Moving back home brought back all the anxieties, issues, and burdens that I thought I had left behind. In a way, it was like regressing back to a previous state, one that I had been happy to leave behind. You gradually fall into old habits and patterns of thinking, and the self you thought you had built starts to erode.
I think this is just a natural "tuning" that we do with our environments. Acclimatization. Osmosis. You just naturally absorb the influence of your surroundings. When you are in "tune" with a place, it can be jarring and unsettling to suddenly be "out of tune".
Man, this is starting to get too metaphysical. I think you know what I mean.
in some ways, I felt I was more "me" elsewhere
I feel exactly this as well. It's not so much that I feel a burden or expectations being put back on me, but I had built up experiences and felt I was more my true, developed self in Toronto and it always felt like my colleagues and friends seen me that way and appreciated it. The person I had become rather than the person I was. As a very proud Islander, who made a journey, moved to Toronto, made it work, gained seniority, was outgoing, travelled quite a bit and a great fit in the city. The person I was, was similar in terms of values, beliefs and personality, but here I feel I am just seen as the person who grew up here, played hockey, went to university and just went 'away' for a long time, now he's back. With great friends here, we draw back on those long ago days for common experience, but we did not experience Toronto, etc together and it's hard to not be able to share that as that is more of who I am now. I also believe I have a more worldly view as a result of my experiences and new friends from all different types of backgrounds and our conversations and that view seems deflated here. It feels closed off. I do know, however, that there are many people here who have experienced same and would share the views, just a matter of finding them.
I am 'out of tune' with the location and in my career...
Exactly my experience. Moving back home brought back all the anxieties, issues, and burdens that I thought I had left behind. In a way, it was like regressing back to a previous state, one that I had been happy to leave behind. You gradually fall into old habits and patterns of thinking, and the self you thought you had built starts to erode.
I think this is just a natural "tuning" that we do with our environments. Acclimatization. Osmosis. You just naturally absorb the influence of your surroundings. When you are in "tune" with a place, it can be jarring and unsettling to suddenly be "out of tune".
Man, this is starting to get too metaphysical. I think you know what I mean.
no urge from me to move back or even visit my hometown whatsoever.
I haven't set a foot on my hometown since I was 23. No idea what it looks like now and don't care either.
I have a more worldly view .... and that view seems deflated here. It feels closed off.
I can relate to that feeling when moving from worldly cities to a place with a localized mentality. I wasn't returning home, I was just making the transition "big" -> "small" and finding it in a way mind-crushing. The ignorance and the arrogance at the same time in one simple and oft-repeated phrase: "I have never travelled outside my province and I think it's the best to live." (It was also a small Maritime province). Boy did I try to fit in. Reading the local weeklly as a way of taking on the local POV on life. Like fitting a ginny back in the bottle. The thing of it is, once you have children you are locked in much firmer. They have no other way but to grow up with local mentality, having local friends. And that doubles or triples (depending on how many kids you have) your discord between your worldly view and the opposite of your children. Not to diminish the parents of small provinces (where you yourself grew up), but to point at the mental anguish of someone who has experienced the bigger world vs who hasn't. Maybe having a partner with similar views would make it easier to live in a closed-off world - but the chances of finding such are much fewer there. And even the two worldly people should have the means of getting out there regularly (society, voyages, working globally) to counter the moss of tranquility that would be slowly covering their cave.
That's what people feel when they move around and live for an extended period of time in various places. If a place you move to feels like a downgrade - then it probably is. The feeling is probably exacerbated by the fact that you only have one life and you're being miserable as a result of your environment. So, the answer is to obviously change your environment..
On the other hand I sometimes envy people who are born in a satisfying place geographically / position in life and don't venture anywhere from their roots. They don't know what life is beyond their bubble, but they don't want to because they are satisfied.
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